Does this sound like OCD thoughts to you? do any of you have this problem?

[calii]

About a month ago or more I started to have thoughts about God that I couldn't stop thinking about or that were obsessive. I would start to have thoughts like thinking bad about God and even like cussing at him! I know its horrible and I felt so guilty all day long I would be like Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry etc. ALL DAY.. and the more I would stop trying to think about it the more I would and feel guilty and sad. Those thoughts lasted for like a week ALL DAY long. Im lucky if I would get a hour break to relax.


So let me get to my new obsessive thoughts that never stop and is driving me literally insane! It switched from the God to one of the other most important things in my life.
Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years already and I love him very much but 2 weeks ago when I was with my mom when I went to visit her, he texted me and I thought "omg "WHAT IF" I dont love him or what if I lose my love for him or dont get that tingly feeling anymore with him?" I hug him and I do still feel the tingle. But now thats all I look for. Its like my mind is trying to convince me not to love him or trying to tell me that Im lying when I know im NOT.

My thoughts keep making me question myself and my beliefs ( when I was having the God thoughts it was hard for me to believe in Heaven) I have never had this problem before in my life until now. I would say heaven is real but then I would be like what if its not? I was trying to have faith but my thoughts wouldnt let me.
.
And I have to keep fighting the thoughts off but for 2 weeks already I think about this ALL DAY and it drives me crazy( about the BF thoughts) Ever since those thoughts now when my boyfriend comes near me I get anxiety or when I just think about not loving him I get anxiety! In my 3 years of being with him I NEVER EVER EVVVERRR have doubted my love for him. But these stupid thoughts are so constant I start to think "WHAT IF" it is true?

And I have always said I would never cheat on him but now I think WHAT IF thats not true? Its always the WHAT IF thoughts, thats all I ever hear in my head now. And then I think WHAT IF everything has been a lie? WHAT IF I never even loved him? Its ridiculous!

But I know thats a damn lie because I obviously would not have been with him for that long. I mean I know I love him because I do thinks for him I would never do for anyone else and we both got eachothers names tattooed on eachother. (I know it sounds dumb I always said I would never ever do that but I seriously love him to death and I feel hes worth it)

Were gunna get married too.
But now sometimes I actually believe the thoughts because they are really constant and eventually I do believe the thoughts cause my mind is trying to convince me. But when im not thinking about that stuff and me and him are together everything is normal and im happy. But then I still have that thought in the back of my head and then it pops up again and starts all over.

Its like I feel guilty and I cant stop beating myself up over it. I look at my boyfriend and I think poor baby. Because I have these thoughts and he doesnt even know about them. And then when im happy and I look at him it just reminds me of the thoughts again. I hate it! Its ruining my life that was so happy! I dont know if this is OCD but ever since I was younger I would always have thoughts in my head like what if my mom died (then i would see the scene in my head) and like cry my eyes out. that happened today actually.

I even started getting those thoughts about my BF and I would cry too. I dont know if this has anything to do with OCD either but sometimes I get really paranoid and Ill think things like I wonder if people can hear my thoughts and then sometimes Ill be in a room by myself and ill wonder if people are recording me. lol I know its sounds crazy lol Then I always have to check things alot like for example my alarm I have to go up to it like 3 times and make sure its on and i have to get real close to it an make sure it says on. lol

The night before I got the first thought about my BF I ha a dream that he was hugging me and I got that fuzzy feeling. But now Ever since I got that thought when I dream about him I have like an anxiety feeling in my brain and just feel nothing other than that. I cant even get a break in my sleep its like my mind is always running! always worrying about one thing or another. Once again I NEVER EVER had this damn problem about my BF until that first thought popped into my head that one day.

Sometimes I think what if I just leave him would that make things better? But I know I couldnt be without him. Hes my everyhing hes always there for me an me and him both would be miserable without eachother. Those stupid thoughts are seriously killing me and making me insane and miserable. They are killing me inside literally.

Its pretty sad when at night you cant even get a break from the thoughts.
I heard lyme disease can cause OCD ive read the research on it and talked to alot of people that have OCD from having lyme disease . And since I was bit by a tick when I was younger and was never tested or treated for Lyme I am going to a Lyme disease doctor in 2 weeks to get tested.

Also about 3 months ago my vision changed, started to get fainting spells, have to lie down alot, get tired easily, anxiety attacks, rapid heart rate, pressure in head, twitching, Im depressed now for 2 months probably, never really happy since ive been sick, so now with the ocd thoughts thats why im suspecting lyme disease. Ive never ever had these problems till like 3 months ago.I have many many other symptoms too.

Jeez sorry I wrote so much. :/ lol
Can someone please please please tell me if this sounds like OCD or if you get stupid thoughts like this or similar??
I would REALLY appreciate it.
I just dont want to feel crazy or I just need someone to talk to. Because no one understands what im going through or how much it bothers me

Thanks!!

Cali

 

[krs2snow]

Hi Calii,
First off, you're not crazy! Thoughts can be incredibly annoying and can intrude on your daily life. They can be irrational and not make any sense and still manage to be 100% believable- all at the same time! I think, from what you've posted, you should find someone to talk to. Are you close to you parents that you could tell them what's going on? Or a counselor at school? I ask this because the absolute WORST thing you could do is try to hide what your thinking and how you're feeling. It sounds like what you're describing is intrusive thoughts. Meaning, you don't want to think them but they're there anyway. When thoughts start upsetting you or interfering w/your daily life (ie. hard to concentrate, making you unhappy, anxiety, etc) you should to talk to someone who's qualified to help. Start w/ a parent. If you don't feel like you can talk to your parents you should try talking to a teacher you trust or a counselor at your school. If not one of them, look up a mental health provider in your area (such as planned parenthood or youth hotline) . Whatever you do, don't hide the problem from the people that care about you! That's the easiest, most common mistake we make! Talk to someone and let them help you find the help you're looking for.

 

[exquisite]

although this does sound like ocd & possibly gad, it also sounds a little like paranoid schizophrenia. my ex was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic & i did a lot of research because i wanted to understand him. the intrusive thoughts, the idea that people can hear your thoughts, the idea that someone is watching you, even crazy irrational ideas you get, & you know their irrational, yet you kinda start to believe them. im not diagnosing you, i dont have that right. but i honestly think you need to talk to someone about it. try to see if you can speak to a therapist or a counselor. try to talk with family. lemme tell you something, you can always find comfort in people that love you. so talk with someone as soon as you can.
good luck!
if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me!

 

[Feathers]

Cali, maybe you are just lacking magnesium? (Or some other vitamins/minerals?) Check your nutrition, at least for a few days on fitday.com or on Cronometer (free program, just google it). There's lots about magnesium deficiency on ctds.info - it can cause anxiety, cramps/twittching etc.

Getting tested for Lyme's is a good idea too. I once thought I might have it too and then got tested and they said I didn't have it. The tests may not be 100% reliable, and it's been a long time since I had the 'suspicious' circle (not after a tick, after another insect, I've been bitten by several ticks in my life, lots of people here have been) I learnt that it would take some really strong meds (with possible side effects) I decided I'd try to beat this naturally anyway.. (If you do have new Lyme's do get treated..) A cousin (who has had it and was treated for it) says that there's a theory most people have Lyme's but it only 'breaks out' in certain circumstances (stress etc) and it's important to live healthy, relax, eat as natural food as possible..

It may all be caused by stress too.. I think I may have committment phobia and it sounds a bit like signs of it in your case too.. A friend of mine had a panic attack before marriage, she thought she was going to die.. These are important decisions, so some stress is natural and normal..

Please learn as much as you can about love and relationships and communication etc. Natural love long-term is not 'all butterflies' - that is new love. And the excitement of 'new love' is fun.. but in years these things usually turn into something more solid.
You may love someone even if you don't 'feel' love every moment, and they may love you too.. You may also want to read the book Five languages of love, for how to keep the love alive as long as possible. Maybe you guys are just speaking in 'wrong' languages sometimes?

I think it's even more important to be truly compatible with the man, have compatible wishes for present and future and lifestyle.. Do you know what these are, do you agree on the most important things? Have you talked about these things? Does he have the qualities most important to you and can you live with his shortcomings too (if he never changes)? Barbara DeAngelis has some good thoughts on what it takes.. Especially be careful about any signs for addictions or possible codependencies or incompatibility or such.. (The friend mentioned earlier got divorced later when her husband 'didn't know how to show her love' in a way she'd want to.. she said they were too different..)

Maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something important.. Try writing it down and see if it makes any sense?
The Feeling good Handbook by David Burns or any other book on CBT may help you find any distortions in your thoughts..

Sometimes it also helps me to write down 'worst case scenarios' or 'what would I do if...' (I was afraid Grandma would die at a time when she was really ill etc.) and then also 'best case scenarios' and realize the truth is usually inbetween..

I was angry at God at a time in the past too, for what I believed was wrong and why did he allow it etc. Maybe it would be good to put those thoughts on paper too or write here, if it would help you? Or talk to someone you trust?
Now I think that many times it's not God's fault but us silly humans..
Lots of people struggle with finding own personal philosophy and view of life... Even saints or very religious people, sometimes those especially... Maybe also check beliefs of people around you and how they influence yours..

You don't write how your family is or was.. Sometimes people from families where parents didn't know how to communicate well or live happily together may have doubts about getting married and such, or may marry late(r).. Thought patterns and communication patterns go from parents (or grandparents) to kids.. It's up to us to recognize them and if necessary stop them and change for the better...