Back in January, before I realized I had SA, I started writing what I call a "pure conscious stream" (most people would probably call it a diary or something, but I don't like being so simplistic). Whatever I thought at the time of writing I wrote. It contained SO much personal information that I'd never have considered telling anyone, I kept it in a text document, in a hidden folder, which was inside of one of 55 seemingly identical folders, which were, themselves, in one more huge hidden folder. I have written in it almost everyday since.
A few weeks ago, I let the one friend I have who understood me read it. He said it made him and everybody else look incredibly sane by comparison, but it also very accurately documented how an SA suffering person, such as myself, thinks. Everybody in my school knows I'm quiet, but nobody knows why, so they make their own little theories. "He's just shy", "he doesn't like us", "he doesn't have anything interesting to say anyway", etc.
Anyway, I recently decided that I don't care who reads my document, because I want people to understand what's going through my mind when I don't talk to them. Tommorrow, unless I find a serious reason not to, I'm printing it, and leaving it where someone will find it.
Basically, the document contains names of girls I like but I can't talk to, and all the thinking about them I do, along with just about everything else I've ever caught myself thinking. If those aforementioned girls were to read it, they would probably want some answers from me, but if I could talk to them, I wouldn't have needed that document in the first place.
If you want me to expand on anything, go ahead and ask, but do you think it's a good idea to reveal my personal secrets to everybody I know and then some just so they can understand me better? Seems like something I'll regret later.
A few weeks ago, I let the one friend I have who understood me read it. He said it made him and everybody else look incredibly sane by comparison, but it also very accurately documented how an SA suffering person, such as myself, thinks. Everybody in my school knows I'm quiet, but nobody knows why, so they make their own little theories. "He's just shy", "he doesn't like us", "he doesn't have anything interesting to say anyway", etc.
Anyway, I recently decided that I don't care who reads my document, because I want people to understand what's going through my mind when I don't talk to them. Tommorrow, unless I find a serious reason not to, I'm printing it, and leaving it where someone will find it.
Basically, the document contains names of girls I like but I can't talk to, and all the thinking about them I do, along with just about everything else I've ever caught myself thinking. If those aforementioned girls were to read it, they would probably want some answers from me, but if I could talk to them, I wouldn't have needed that document in the first place.
If you want me to expand on anything, go ahead and ask, but do you think it's a good idea to reveal my personal secrets to everybody I know and then some just so they can understand me better? Seems like something I'll regret later.
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