I am a 19 year old boy/man. I have sa for most of my teenage and it has been getting worse over the years. I am sick of wallowing in self pity and even sicker of trying to become a "Norman" socially active man. I basically have two years of college left and I will probably have to work after that and will probably be kicked out of the first job I land. My social skills are nonexistent and my body language is a dumpster fire. People write me off at first glance. I have long been contemplating suicide and am starting to accept my fate, that of a total loser. I don't even know why I am posting all this here..gosh...
Does life really have to be this pointless?
- Thread starter sslsh
- Start date
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
You posted that because you needed to vent and get that feelin' out.
Sorry yer feelin' that, mate. I can definitely relate, though (except for the bits about college). My social skills are non-existent too. Or have gradually diminished, due my family repeatedly referring to me as "anti-social". My body language is now always tense and uncomfortable.
And contemplating suicide...? I've been struggle with that too, since I was 16. I don't know your situation or if you're close with any of your family that you could confide in one of them. Or maybe a friend?
Sorry yer feelin' that, mate. I can definitely relate, though (except for the bits about college). My social skills are non-existent too. Or have gradually diminished, due my family repeatedly referring to me as "anti-social". My body language is now always tense and uncomfortable.
And contemplating suicide...? I've been struggle with that too, since I was 16. I don't know your situation or if you're close with any of your family that you could confide in one of them. Or maybe a friend?
Last edited:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Do you have a friend or a family member you can talk to in confidence about yer struggle with the suicidal thoughts? The last thing you need right now is for you to confide in someone you trust, only to having everyone else react angrily, then start worryin' and asking if yer okay everyday. Sorry, that latter example has been my experience.
That's a tough road my friend. I've been down it. I found that the wrong medication really aggravated my anxiety, and caused SA for me. It was like a constant judgement every time I was in a social situation in the back of my mind.
All I can say is that, it just stopped one day. After years of having the issue, I started to hate the fact that people made me feel uncomfortable or unworthy. Once I got to that point of really not caring, the need for their acceptance went away and my self esteem increased. I still struggle with it, but often I just need to give myself a kick in the butt and remember the lessons I'd learned.
The suicide issue is a difficult thought to handle. It's really only a thought, although it can be strong at times I know. It is unfortunately a bad solution to a temporary problem.
You are stronger than this. You can live the life you want. Look for the proper resources and dig deep.
Also, take a good inventory of your life and who you want to be. There's nothing wrong with being shy or quiet. You may be adding fuel to the problem but forcing yourself to become someone else. I have a good friend with social anxiety locally. H's been open with me, and I don't ask for him to be any different than his is, or ever apologize for being shy or quiet. Some days he doesn't want to get together, and that's just fine! He has a job that allows him some privacy, and it works well for him. He's successful, and happily married. You'll find your balance too!
All I can say is that, it just stopped one day. After years of having the issue, I started to hate the fact that people made me feel uncomfortable or unworthy. Once I got to that point of really not caring, the need for their acceptance went away and my self esteem increased. I still struggle with it, but often I just need to give myself a kick in the butt and remember the lessons I'd learned.
The suicide issue is a difficult thought to handle. It's really only a thought, although it can be strong at times I know. It is unfortunately a bad solution to a temporary problem.
You are stronger than this. You can live the life you want. Look for the proper resources and dig deep.
Also, take a good inventory of your life and who you want to be. There's nothing wrong with being shy or quiet. You may be adding fuel to the problem but forcing yourself to become someone else. I have a good friend with social anxiety locally. H's been open with me, and I don't ask for him to be any different than his is, or ever apologize for being shy or quiet. Some days he doesn't want to get together, and that's just fine! He has a job that allows him some privacy, and it works well for him. He's successful, and happily married. You'll find your balance too!
AlienGeranium
Well-known member
I've been suicidal for years, tried many times, and honestly haven't really felt alive since my last series of attempts a little under a year ago. Before you go down that road, which is very definite, I'd suggest literally trying everything to make your life better. Make changes and do things differently, obviously what you're doing now isn't working for you, so figure out what you don't like and attempt to do something different, even little things in your day to day routine, to alter them. Just with some consistency, a plan, and and a good mindset you can make tremendous changes to your life. I say this because I've been in your shoes, tried to change and did. I may have fallen back down since then, but I am certainly not the same person I was before, and am capable of so much more than I was then,
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
The best thing about your post is you've said you're sick of wallowing in self pity.
I was the same. It means you are ready to make serious effort to change.
And you can, with effort, time, persistence and good help.
I was the same. It means you are ready to make serious effort to change.
And you can, with effort, time, persistence and good help.
Opaline
1
Why couldn't I have just said that :/ Good thing someone did. You're right. You have to get really sick of feeling miserable all the time and sorry for yourself.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
...And maybe you should forget about being a normal socially active man, there is much more interesting things you can become
Bronson99
Well-known member
I'm glad you're showing us both sides of the coin, the good and the bad.
Now this is a bit more generalized and not about your comment, AG. I think what's so good about this place... is you don't have too many people around saying "shy/awkward/social anxiety" makes you inferior for life, and you can't improve your status, or all this BS about Darwinism and social engineering equating to pre-determined failure.
I'm about to leave another forum that's been dominated by this thinking lately, and nobody is doing anything to counter it. The entire place is one big room full of depressives agreeing with each other; question any of them, and they all quickly go into it's "fact" because of "darwinism and social engineering." None of them talk about improvement, and they all believe "hope is a lie."
Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this (I hope the OP doesn't mind, I think this is kinda on-topic anyway)
AlienGeranium
Well-known member
I've seen this mentality, and honestly it drives me a bit crazy. I know I don't know all the answers, and know it's possible that there's some truth to that, but jumping to that conclusion first just feels like quitting talk to me, to put it bluntly. It feels like to me going up to a wall you need to pass, maybe from a dry, uninhabitable desert to a grassy, lush pasture near a brook and just thinking "well, this is hopeless" and setting up camp. I mean in the short term, having a camp is good, but giving up on that pasture just because it seems impossible just feels like a decision to not try to make your life as good as it can be. You may never get over the wall, but a life full of trying to do so seems better than just wallowing on the other side.
Of course, just "accepting your fate" if you will does allow a person to find a groove to live with their struggles if they so wish. I think you can do both though, you don't have to set your sights so high such that anything short of being completely "cured" or "normal" is the only success you can have. It's taking steps, one at a time. A future marathon runner doesn't aim to run a marathon on their first day of training, they start slow and build their way up to it. I think this works as a metaphor for a lot of things in life. If you feel too anxious and shy to date, you don't just force yourself to go up to girls or guys at bars, you start somewhere easier.
My general point I guess is that accepting a bad or undesirable situation seems silly before you at least make a serious attempt to improve it. If one's situation is truly that bad, trying to make it better can't hurt, even if it doesn't work.