Does exposure or desensitizing really work? If so, how long does it take-please share
- Thread starter TooShyShy
- Start date
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
Well, I've become more desensitized to people staring at me. It is unavoidable so one either gets used to it or continues being anxious. I don't know if one could call this "exposure" but I have no choice but to expose myself. There was a time when I stayed home for two or three months straight and that was NOT good for me at all. I was so afraid of leaving my "comfort zone". That's actually pretty funny when I consider that I was going crazy in this comfort zone. I forced myself to leave the house and I'm glad I did.
Staring used to really bother me but I realize that it's because of my thinking and doesn't have much to do with those people who stare at me. It's all about the way we think, feel and the way we percieve ourselves. It goes the same for people who are uber confident. They think highly of themselves and they enjoy attention because they don't think people are thinking bad about them. They don't think that there is anything about them that another person could think negatively of.
Staring used to really bother me but I realize that it's because of my thinking and doesn't have much to do with those people who stare at me. It's all about the way we think, feel and the way we percieve ourselves. It goes the same for people who are uber confident. They think highly of themselves and they enjoy attention because they don't think people are thinking bad about them. They don't think that there is anything about them that another person could think negatively of.
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TooShyShy
Well-known member
Yes, the way you think and perceive things and the world will cause you to not want to be part of it. Hiding doesn't help either-i am glad you got yourself out and about as well. Every step you take, even the baby ones get you closer to where you want to be.
Do you know, does Exposure Therapy work..is that what its called?
I have read alittle about it just wondering if its something that anyone has tried, were you successful?
Do you know, does Exposure Therapy work..is that what its called?
I have read alittle about it just wondering if its something that anyone has tried, were you successful?
megalon
Well-known member
The "exposure" method seemed to work for me a few months ago. The first step I took was forcing myself to make eye contact. Make a conscience effort to look people in the eye whenever you see them, even if they have their back turned to you or they are too far away to notice you. I felt so much better after I was able to do this. I also started spending more time on my appearance, making sure my clothes and hair were more in style. I then began forcing myself to make small talk, this can be very tough depending on how bad your SA is to begin with. I always try to go against the voice in my head that tells me no one wants to hear what I have to say. Always be thinking of things to say to break any awkward silence, even if it's as menial as commenting on the weather. Don't be afraid to let your guard down and show off your sense of humor. Contrary to what you may believe, the vast majority of people aren't out to get you. Through small talk I started to make friends with coworkers. I consider them the first real friends I've ever had. I got a few good friends who even invited me to go to bars and such after work. When I was sitting there, talking to my friends, I felt like I was on top of the world. I eventually realized that I wasn't inferior to everyone else as my SA would have me believe. Lately though, I fear I have reached a plateau, and that realization has dragged me back down a bit. I know for someone just embarking on the road to recovery, all this seems easier said then done. Hopefully this might be helpful to someone, if not then at least I think it helped me to put this into words and get it out there.
TooShyShy
Well-known member
What about with women? Does it work with romance & relationships if you are really comfortable and at ease with everyone else around you?
Its just with someone you are really attracted to, can the ''exposure'' to her help you feel comfortable and not so scared, anxious, belittling to yourself????
Its just with someone you are really attracted to, can the ''exposure'' to her help you feel comfortable and not so scared, anxious, belittling to yourself????
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
I think gradual exposure and a commitment to gradual exposure are really important.
I've had great leaps in progress by exposing myself
P) only to have that progress regress badly because I failed to follow it up, either out of an embarrassing setback or just apathy.
I think doing it gradually is the key. Take your time and set realistic goals. I think it can be just as harmful to go out and push yourself too hard and do too much as it can be to not get out and not do enough. Maybe even more so.
It's like a muscle you have to exercise in small increments in order to get it into shape. It sucks at first and you might not see any benefits right away, but if you keep at it and don't get too discouraged, eventually you'll start seeing huge results.
I've had great leaps in progress by exposing myself
P) only to have that progress regress badly because I failed to follow it up, either out of an embarrassing setback or just apathy. I think doing it gradually is the key. Take your time and set realistic goals. I think it can be just as harmful to go out and push yourself too hard and do too much as it can be to not get out and not do enough. Maybe even more so.
It's like a muscle you have to exercise in small increments in order to get it into shape. It sucks at first and you might not see any benefits right away, but if you keep at it and don't get too discouraged, eventually you'll start seeing huge results.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
I don't see why it wouldn't be. It just seems like an extension of exposure therapy to me. When I was at my best, talking to attractive girls was no harder than talking to other random people.
I think there's much more hope for "agoros" and "phobics" who can't talk to anyone than there is for guys who "just can't talk to girls." Once we conquer our general fear of all strangers, all strangers generally become nothing to fear.
Another thing for me was that after gradually building my resistance up, I felt good about myself, and had actual self esteem.
So if a girl gave me the stink-eye or acted like she was too good for me (which was rare because I A. Didn't approach girls who seemed stuck-up and B. Didn't force myself to meet some kind of dumb quota) I was able to honestly say to myself "Oh well, her loss" or words to that effect and move on.