Does anyone starve themselves due to SP?

[Horatio]

When my SP gets really bad (lately every weekend) I find myself unable to leave my room due to fear of having to communicate with my flatmates who I dont know very well.
Every time I DO leave my room they just seem to look at me like Im some pathetic weirdo. I feel like screaming out "Geez just cause Im not a fucking confident socialite like you all are doesnt mean you have to stare"
Ive tried being polite with them but I always get short unfriendly answers.

The problem with not leaving my room is it gets difficult to eat. I just cant stand using the kitchen with a group of people standing around me looking at me. I have plenty of food in the freezer but cant cope with being in a kitchen around others to cook it. Have been without food for up to 4 days (Easter Weekend) because of this.

My only options are to wait until Im sure they are all in bed and cook one meal for myself late at night every night OR climb out my window and run down the road to the fish n chip shop OR stock up on snacks and simple foods in my room and never eat a proper meal

does anyone else have this problem?

I shouldve never left home damn it - was a mistake to try to live a normal life

 

[Horatio]

Decided at the start of the year that I'd try to beat this stupid SP

So I moved out of home to another city where I got a 6 month contract.

Ended up living with randoms because I have no friends anywhere to live with. I can either live at home with parents or away from home with randoms.

Gtg prepare dinner (unwrap Easter egg as thats all I can find left in my room! haha)

 

[Horatio]

22

 

[maggie]

give you lots of credit Horatio!! Many of us couldn't do what you are doing, or even attempt it, I know I couldn't! :? I can't eat in front of others either, have gone for long periods of time without eating as well. And cooking a meal in front of people and serving it, no way man.

 

[yelo]

starve

Ya I have this problem. I often find it difficult to get out of my room to go get food from the college canteen. Tried waiting till late at night but I found there are people there even at those hours.

 

[zyxockjm]

DON'T starve yourself if you have sp. I used to do that, and my sp used to be horrible. Later on I started eating much better, proper 3 meals a day and my level sp in two weeks got much much better. I wish I had known before how important it is to eat especially at a young age (I'm about your age Horatio).

 

[Chrisfishes]

I agree with zyxockjm. Eating asell as regular exercise make a huge difference with my sp.Heathly body heathly mind may not apply completely but it does more good than harm, it's the motivation bit that always gets me down. I have not perfected yet and still go hungry cause I can't face going to the supermarket, but when I do get in those phases of doing it properly the difference is amazing, but I always find myself falling back into my old routine sooner or later then it all starts again. I'm on a good streak now... eating well, not much exercise but one out of two's not so bad.

 

[ColdAsIce]

I don't live with strangers so I do manage to eat most of the time, well thats if I'm not driving myself mad thinking 'I need to lose weight' other wise I won't eat for a few days.

I can not and will not eat out in public, hell its hard enough getting out the door in the first place without people seeing you in all your glory with pork pie smeared round your face....ha ha ha *shudder* the thought of that knocks me sick........ha ha, people seeing me eatting is one of my worst fears, mainly because myself imagin is shot to peices because I have drummed into my head that I hate the way I look. :roll:

 

[Damien]

Order takeaway.....


I love my cooking. I suggest watching some cooking shows and practicing when no-ones about. I have trouble eating in public too. Always feel like i want to be sick. So i figured "well i gotta eat at some point, might as wel be at home."

I moved out of home too. Im 22 as well. Moved in with my girlfriend. Now i cant expect her to cook for me 24/7 so i did what i suggested, watched the odd cooking show and thought, "that cant be hard... i mean he's not even measuring that." So i made myself an egg and bacon pie LOL.

Now im on a roll. The problem is.... my gf mentioned to family that i have this flair for cooking. So now im controlling and HAVE to cook. BUT.... oh but there's ALWAYS a but yes? Gf's brother and wife wants me to cook for them. They are picky and arrogant. Of all the family get togethers we've had.... he always finds something wrong with the food. Hmmm.

At least cook some toast or something. You can pop it in. walk away and PING! walk back out and grab two slices. Instant meal.

Damien

 

[Horatio]

I agree with zyxockjm. Eating asell as regular exercise make a huge difference with my sp.

Its not that I dont want to eat and excersise but that I find it too difficult due to my SP.

Gyms were not made for Socialphobics, neither were Supermarkets. I would sooner walk through a live minefield than go to a supermarket, bring food home, cook it in a kitchen with wide eyed strangers standing over my shoulder and then go for a jog round the block or spend an hour in a gym.

Bring on death I say! Small wooden coffins must be so peaceful compared to this joke we call life. Ive had enough of it

 

[Damien]

True... the pope did look relaxed...

Ok no.. too far? eh! its a monday

Damien

 

[fwinder]

hey horatio, been reading for a while but this is my first post on this forum. I just identified do precisely with what you are feeling. I move out recently too for college and often find myself eating snacks in my room, or not eating at all just so i can avoid my housemates. I get exactly what you mean, the funny looks and everything. I tried going as far as the kitchen to grab something (there's plenty of food there)a couple times but couldn't stop the feeling that once i got back to my room, all they were doing was talking about how weird I was for running out and in my room without saying anything beyond hi. I've not solved this myself, and your situation may be different but what is helping me a bit now was that my other housemates didn't know each other either. I thought they were all getting on famously and i was the odd one out until i got caught in the hall by one of them who started to complain to me about one of the others stealing his food and not cleaning up. He said to me 'i don't see too much of you, but at least you dont go around taking my stuff and messing up the place where we all live.' And i never spoke to this chap before. it helped me realise that being personable is not all that people are looking for or concentrating on (especially in a houseshare), and that beneath the friendly facade most people have to one another there's often a lot of ill feeling. Its made it easier to go to the kitchen occasionally, but i could never cook in there. As i said i dunno what your housemates are like but i hope this'll help in some small way. Sorry bout the length and rambling nature of this post, its my first and a lot seemed to come out! I look forward to hearing from you on the boards.

 

[Yossarian]

I've gone without food quite a few times. Sometimes cos of SP, sometimes depression and other times cos I'm lazy.

Once when I had a bedsit I would piss in the sink rather than use the communal toilet. That's SP related not because I'm lazy though.

Fuck them Horatio. It's your place too. Stand up for yourself. It's not like they have never seen you before. What are they going to learn, think that they haven't or don't already?

Also you should be proud you have tried it. So it's not working out that well. It could of done and still might. Can't you try somewhere else? Could you afford a place on your own eventually? Maybe eventually you'll get used to it.

Whatever though, you took a brave step. You faced up to the fear and did it. If you change nothing, nothing will change etc. Pat yourself on the back and tell yourself well done.

Sorry to hear it's not going well but this is just a start. Life's a marathon not a sprint. If you go back you'll only have to make this step again eventually.

 

[cody2468]

At least you were able to give it a go. I would never feel comfortable living in a house with strangers so you are doing better than I am.

I can understand where you are coming from about not wanting to cook in front of them. I am not a very good cook myself (lack of experience) but you get better with practice. The suggestion before about watching cooking shows and picking up tips is a good one. If you dont want to cook in front of them make yourself a sandwich or a salad and grab a piece of fruit. It's quick and easy and better than relying on snacks.

 

[ppaul]

hey horatio,

i used to have that problem, i usually ended going out and cooking but it was very uncomfortable. It was really only a problem with one of my housemates...this german girl.

she was an exchange student and a very cold person. i tried to have a laugh or talk to her but she just replied with short replies. she made it clear that we would never be friendly.

THEN......

she moved out..and i realised...she was the problem not me.

the new house mate is great fun friendly and she loves a few beers too. not as jusgmental as teh german girl. its much better now.

SO, my reckomendation is....move out.

ive had so many bad times living in various places and i always thoght the problem was with me,. some people will accept you the eay you are.so try a new house.

dont live on your own though...aaarrgggg. yuk. i did that for a while....never never ever again. soooooo lonely

 

[NoMoreFriends]

Hi All

Nice forum here.


I have SP also. It's hurting my relationship a lot.

I don't take my girlfriend out for fear of my SP.. I love her a lot but I just can't eat in public..

And, It ALWAYS seems everyone is staring at me where ever I go, I HATE IT !!


The past Christmas holiday's was the worst ....

I had to eat over g/f parents house in front of her whole family at their huge table.

I tried to stay home at the last minute, like always, but she FLIPPED...

Theres nothing more embarrassing then not being able to chew or swallow food right in front of all these people I just met. It only seemed to make my fears worse.

I'm afraid to go anywhere I might have to eat in front of people..


Great forum here...

Thanks and Good luck

 

[introvert]

I force myself out occasionally and buy bulk so I don't have to go shopping for another week or so (I take a backpack, and cram it full of goods). Of course the experience is always unpleasant, I try and get in and out as fast as possible, making a shopping list in advance.

I rent a flat, so no problems with other people bothering me... but there are problems with loneliness. Things like going home after work to an abandoned place, spending weekends alone, just the general lack of presence of others. Sometimes I just lie there in my personal 'peaceful' little place, and realise how lonely living this way is. Still trying to figure out a solution to this problem (currently giving online dating a shot..). One place I have to eat in public is at work. I manage to do it, but my hands shake and it's just horrible. Btw. the reason I'm renting my own flat is the same dilemma you are facing. I chose to move out, and after looking at a few shared places thought "no way" that won't work, so I chose instead to fork out the cash for my own place. It means less money left over, and loneliness... but that's the solution for now.

AND my washing machine has been dead silent for the last 30 mins... I think the wash program has crashed or something :roll: *goes over to beat some sense into it*

 

[evil feline space cadet]

im starving myself right now. Cant go downstairs cos its obvious my housemate hates me and im never good enough! If only i had stocked up before coming back here!!

 

[Richey]

same with me when i moved into a shared house of 8 people, the kitchen was always occupied and because i wasnt that close on a personal level to everyone in the house i'd wait until the kitchen and lounge was free which was usually after midnight to go out, of course if you do that then the kitchen is right next to people sleeping in their bedrooms. nobody cleaned up after themselves so i ended up resorting to buying packaged foods and eating snacks and dry foods for months and months, i certainly lost weight but it was such a caged in method of living and i think at the time i was younger and didnt know how else to behave. now i'd have no issues walking out and sitting on the lounge or making food. it seems so silly in retrospect looking back, at the time i was becoming very isolated though and i had no direction or motivation which doesnt help. so i can understand this.

 

[gsmax5]

I'm the opposite. I tend to overeat as a way of dealing with stress. Food is like a friend to me, when no one else seems to care.