Do you think you chose this SP life style?

[terrified]

Has anyone else thought about the kinds of life we are missing out because of SP? Sometimes, I'm very sad by the fact that I'm letting my life slip by, all the opportunities missed. It's not that I believe my life would be perfect if I didn't have SP. I don't think I have ever really felt comfortable around people. Best of my resource went into avoiding social situation.

It makes me angry. There are a lot of people who do not live like this. There are a lot of people who don't even understand what this is and don't have to. It makes me angry, really angry.

I don't know who I'm angry at. I think I have been angry at myself for the most part for letting myself live this way when I know better.

There must be a way to overcome this. I have been on therapy over 10 years and I'm on my 3rd therapist. What has frustrated me the most about all the therapy sessions is that ultimately all the therapists look at me to do this myself. They all believe that I could overcome it somehow and it's I who is holding me back from the rest of the world. It really makes me angry. They find me defensive.

I wondered lately, is it really I who chose this, maybe in subconscious level?

Is there anyone who feels that you chose this life style?

 

[Videotape]

yeah i think i chose this lifestyle

 

[chris87]

I guess technically, I did choose this lifestyle. I truly want to have a normal life, but I can't seem to overcome my SA issues.

 

[Stressball]

we're all pretty much all in your shoes here, I definately feel your frustration, I feel the exact same way, especially feeling like your life is slipping past, and you feel so powerless to stop it. i guess i choose this lifestyle...but i look back and i know its the environment i was raised in that made me live this depressing way. but about your therapist..they are right. they can give you tips, encouragement, a sense of ease and security, but ultimately you have to kick yourself and constantly attempt to go out and socialize. its not comfortable, its stressful, you feel anxious and even depressed doing it, but its the only way to get real results. i've had social anxiety for like nearly 9 years, it gradually got worse and worse to point i'd do everything in my power to not go out...then i started taking medication and seeing a psychologist, as well as getting a job. the job part was so stressful but its made socializing a tad easier over time. i still find it hard to relate to people, and be happy around people...but its not like you can do much else but keep exposing yourself to social situation and keep on trying.

 

[recluse]

I think that on the whole, yes i did. I was never a person to make friends mainly because of feelings of inferiority to everyone, and also because of my introvertion. My way of dealing with it was to become avoidant; My passion when i was in the last two years of school was cycling and i would go out on my bicycle for hours to get fit for racing. On Sundays i would go on rides with my cycling club mates but i felt i wasn't part of it somehow, i had no clue how to converse with anyone and anyway i would get dropped o'r something along the way because i would be really tired, and the next minute everyone else would be miles ahead without giving consideration and there i was again a lone cyclist. So eventually i cycled less and stopped attending the cycling club.

All my life i have avoided the things that fear me rather than face up to them.

 

[Slothrop]

We do choose.

The problem is that we often don't realize we're making a choice. We only see one option, or where we se more than one we disqualify the others as being impossible or unacceptable without really thinking them through.

That one simple default option is usually the one that requires the least amount of effort and struggle on our part. The safe and familiar choice. We trade the ephemeral pain of approaching what we fear for the chronic pain of having a life that's walled-in by fear. At one point in our lives this was a reasonable trade, but that time is long past.

What's insidious about this is that every time we choose that default option we're giving ourselves a little reward, a little pat on the back, in that we confirm what we already believe—that we can't change, that we're powerless, that it's hopeless. It's a little different for everybody, but the pattern is the same. That's why the phobia is self-sustaining, that's why it gets worse if you don't do anything about it.

(Not everything works this way: a panic attack, for instance, is clearly a physiological process that isn't just in your head. You can choose how you arrange your life in response to experiencing them, though.)

We all know by now that you can't simply choose to "snap out of it" and "be normal" suddenly, but you can choose what you're going to do that's going to bring you closer to how you want to be. I think it's a very good thing to question yourself, and be honest about the choices you're making without thinking.