Do you think its possible to be honest and 'nice' at the same time

KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
There's that word again... nice. Yippee.

Anyway - when it comes to honesty. Do you prefer a more tactful, sensitive "soft" approach or do you have at it and give people the brutal slap in the face that they deserve to snap them out of it.

Do you think it's possible to be... :rolleyes:nice:rolleyes: and honest at the same time or are the two mutually exclusive from each other...?
 
A

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
I think it's possible to be honest and say hmm...sensitive/tactful at the same time.

I think for me, the choice to be brutally honest without sensitivity and tact is a case by case thing. Some people hear you better if you just give them your honest opinion straight between the eyes...a lot of people respect that.

Then other people,well you really have to be careful HOW you say things to them. I think it's part of our personal responsibility as human beings to weigh our words carefully and weigh how we communicate carefully.

I prefer both ways of approaching honesty...it's all about who is receiving that honesty that will determine how you should communicate it.
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
^^^ Yeah I pretty much agree... for me MOST of the time I would go with a softer approach. I do believe that one should be honest and straight up without being insensitive and rude about it - there is no need to be insulting. That would just make someone feel even worse, especially if it is an issue that is making them feel bad anyway.

However - there are cases where people need to dealt with a little more firmly. I think in these instances its when subtlety is not working and people are not either getting the message... or when they are in a situation that may be harmful to themselves or other people - for example some form of prolonged self destructive behaviour.

I think in any case though, honesty - is best. It's courteous, helpful and everyone knows where they stand. People who are dishonest is simply a sign of cowardice in my opinion.
 
Hoppy

Hoppy

Well-known member
KiaKaha said:
People who are dishonest is simply a sign of cowardice in my opinion.
Click to expand...

O dear, you have absolutely no idea how much you've just insulted me. :D

I lie on a daily basis, with words and actions, to the family, since I've learned that they don't like it when I really tell the truth.

It hasn't made me a nice person.:mad:
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
I would say it is possible to be honest and nice at the same time. However, some people equal honesty with rudeness, that´s the problem.

I don´t know how people perceive me personally in this regard, I am sure I am not evilish but no asskisser either :).
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
sometimes it's best to just keep my opinions to myself

unless someone asks for them, then i try to be honest and up front

although i have found that there is no honest answer to the question

"Do these pants make me look fat?"
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
Agent_Violet said:
Sure there is... "I don't particularly care for the cut of those pants in general. it isn't your body,it's the pants."
Click to expand...

yes, the old, "those aren't the most flattering pants to show off how nice your body looks"
 
Last edited:
Duzmiu

Duzmiu

Well-known member
i think its possible to be honest and nice at the same time but as someone said sometimes its better to be brutally honest to get it into them (some people just ignore the nice)

i find my honesty has gotten me in trouble tho i got suspended in school before for it, teacher asked me what i thought of him and he said be as honest as you even if its insulting...so i did and he went nuts shouting at me kicked me out..4 days off school tho lol
ive been arrested for being honest aswell just cause the police officer didnt like it, i just said what needed saying as he was being an a*sehole, told him what i thought of him and how disrespectful he was for treating my 7 year old cousin like scum just cause she dropped some rubbish and when she went to pick it up the wind blew it away.
he didnt even stop after she apologised and was crying her eyes out.
 
psych

psych

Well-known member
Honest is my default position.
I can tell you from experience that there are some people in this world that you can never be honest with & expect positive results. Especially if they are passive aggressive. They'll plot a way to get some sort of twisted revenge.
So, I avoid certain questions with extreme prejudice.
I find it offensive that many people expect you to lie, or tailor everything to their preference.
There are moments when I will say exactly what I'm thinking, & to hell with the consequences...
This is usually followed by a trip to the office if it occurs at my job. :p
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
psych said:
Honest is my default position.
I can tell you from experience that there are some people in this world that you can never be honest with & expect positive results. Especially if they are passive aggressive. They'll plot a way to get some sort of twisted revenge.
So, I avoid certain questions with extreme prejudice.
I find it offensive that many people expect you to lie, or tailor everything to their preference.
There are moments when I will say exactly what I'm thinking, & to hell with the consequences...
This is usually followed by a trip to the office if it occurs at my job. :p
Click to expand...

Haha, yes exactly.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
Agent_Violet said:
I think it's possible to be honest and say hmm...sensitive/tactful at the same time.

I think for me, the choice to be brutally honest without sensitivity and tact is a case by case thing. Some people hear you better if you just give them your honest opinion straight between the eyes...a lot of people respect that.

Then other people,well you really have to be careful HOW you say things to them. I think it's part of our personal responsibility as human beings to weigh our words carefully and weigh how we communicate carefully.

I prefer both ways of approaching honesty...it's all about who is receiving that honesty that will determine how you should communicate it.
Click to expand...
I agree. I'm definitely one of the second type of people though. If someone's rudely honest with me all I'll notice is their rudeness but not the honesty.
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
Sometimes a white lie is passable to keep the peace or to protect someones feelings. I get particularly irritated when peoples feelings are involved and you have no idea what is going on because they are too afraid to tell you - fear that it may hurt you, but mostly because it will make them feel bad. Weak.
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
KiaKaha said:
Sometimes a white lie is passable to keep the peace or to protect someones feelings. I get particularly irritated when peoples feelings are involved and you have no idea what is going on because they are too afraid to tell you - fear that it may hurt you, but mostly because it will make them feel bad. Weak.
Click to expand...

I don´t understand much. Any particular example?
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
Sorry if I go off topic here Kia,
so it was my this friend's birthday and another friend gave her a gift. She didn't like it for some reason and told him 'your gift sucks'. He was very upset at this and wanted her to apologize for being so mean. She said there's no way she was going to do that cos she was 'just being honest' and didn't do anything wrong. He was further hurt at this of course.
Is this just honesty or being unnecessary rude?
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
I usually don´t like white lies either. Like if someone beats you up but you tell others that you fell from the stairs - in order to "protect" their feelings. If it was me, I would rather feel like 1) the person understimates my strenghth to bear truth 2) makes a fool of me, I don´t need this commedy of pussyfooting around. Plus further, these "innocent" lies breed further and further lies and in this case, what she does is basically backing up the offender, she is protecting him. So she should rather take care of this rather than "protecting feelings of others".
 
Last edited:
Lea

Lea

Banned
Srijita52 said:
Sorry if I go off topic here Kia,
so it was my this friend's birthday and another friend gave her a gift. She didn't like it for some reason and told him 'your gift sucks'. He was very upset at this and wanted her to apologize for being so mean. She said there's no way she was going to do that cos she was 'just being honest' and didn't do anything wrong. He was further hurt at this of course.
Is this just honesty or being unnecessary rude?
Click to expand...

I find this ill manered and immature, one shouldn´t be "honest" in such cases.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top