Do you still fear the opposite sex when you like them and you KNOW they like you?

[Iseesky]

I used to think that my lack of a boyfriend had to do with the fact that I was never sure if a guy really liked me. I always thought that if a guy made it clear that he was into me, I wouldn't feel nervous about making a move on him. Makes sense, right? Why would you be nervous when you know almost 100% that you'll be accepted with open arms and not rejected?

I just got back from Mexico with my family and while I was there, a cute, Mexican scuba guide was obviously into me and I was into him. Despite the fact that he made it clear that he liked me, I still ignored him and pretended to not be interested. I don't know why I did this, honestly. I'm kicking myself now.

So, do you still fear the opposite sex when you know they like you? Does it make it easier or harder for you to talk to them? I was on vacation for 7 days...If things went bad, I'd be gone on a few days and would never have to see him again. But that's the negative of it too...I'll probably never see him again. I've blown my chance. And this happens a lot on vacation...But the difference is that he was into me.

 

[blackgatescross]

I know where you are coming from. I do that all the time, ignore women even when I am attracted to them and they appear to be into me.

It is safer that what because you are not emotionally vunerable. I am terrified of women on an intimate, emotional level. I am fine with them at work and through friends, but I terrified of letting them get to close to me.

I find it very difficult to introduce myself to women, and women that I don't know I tend to ignore and avoid. Friends of mine have no qualms about going up to a women they don't know and chatting her up. I couldn't do that and I hate myself for it.::

 

[TooShyShy]

I have always wondered this myself.

In my experience even if i have given all the signs that i like a very shy man (initiated conversation, gave compliments, baked cookies for him, gave him holiday cards, etc.) and I KNOOOOOOOW he likes me as well (stares at me alot in person & through windows, follows/waits/hangs around me at work, drove by my house) i even let him know in one of those cards i wanted to get to know him better outside of work.

But sometimes i think the pressure of KNOWING FOR SURE the person wants you and has expectations towards you for a relationship and also the certainty (in HIS mind) that i would reject him EVENTUALLY once i got to know the real him would always get the best of him and HIS ANXIETY WOULD NOT ALLOW HIM TO RESPOND THE WAY HE REALLY WANTS TO!

So, wether it be shyness, anxiety, and/or paralyzing & crippling fear..whatever you want to call it showing him i am interested never seemed to really help the way i had hoped...he can look me in the eye now, he does say hello and good morning whenever he sees me and will have a conversation with me (when i intiate) but i can still see the fear and anxiety in his face, body language, etc.


Whats most confusing is he still comes around me and still tries to be ''cool'' he doesn't realize i see through it and that i know he's scared the h#ll of me!!!! I can still hear him **sigh** sometimes when i leave the room too.


It would be so easy for him to just disappear and ignore me. We work in a big buildng..he could stay away from me if he wanted..he knows my schedule so he could do that if he wanted!!!!!

I agree, i think it just made things harder in some waysits an endless roller coaster ride!

I honestly think the person needs to do the work on the inside before they can let anyone from the outside in, and get close and be open to the idea that someone could love and accept them...even someone they seemingly have feelings for as well.


Its a shame really and something i have never quite understood..i too always thought if the man/woman knew how the other person felt it would relieve them of their anxiety and rampid fear..but i now know that is not true.



Thanks OP for starting this thread!

 

[black-wings]

seeky: for me honestly it doesnt. when i know a woman is into me, the fear of messing up and saying the wrong thing goes away.

black: i have the same issue. my friends can initiate a conversation with a woman at the drop of hat but me, id have to prepare extensively for it.

 

[alejandro84]

I used to think that my lack of a boyfriend had to do with the fact that I was never sure if a guy really liked me. I always thought that if a guy made it clear that he was into me, I wouldn't feel nervous about making a move on him. Makes sense, right? Why would you be nervous when you know almost 100% that you'll be accepted with open arms and not rejected?

I just got back from Mexico with my family and while I was there, a cute, Mexican scuba guide was obviously into me and I was into him. Despite the fact that he made it clear that he liked me, I still ignored him and pretended to not be interested. I don't know why I did this, honestly. I'm kicking myself now.

So, do you still fear the opposite sex when you know they like you? Does it make it easier or harder for you to talk to them? I was on vacation for 7 days...If things went bad, I'd be gone on a few days and would never have to see him again. But that's the negative of it too...I'll probably never see him again. I've blown my chance. And this happens a lot on vacation...But the difference is that he was into me.

yes i have that problem if i like someone and they like me i have a fear of messing things up which escalates and end up messing things up anyway lol

 

[dutchguy]

Yes, I have this problem too (although I'm less anxious when I know someone is into me). The thing is that the fact that someone is 'into you' isn't enough to cement a relationship. I know the smallest detail can turn me off, so it's probably the same for the other person. A lot of times, knowing that someone is into you is only the start of the very complicated 'ritual of dating', especially if your social skills aren't your strongest quality.

I honestly think the person needs to do the work on the inside before they can let anyone from the outside in, and get close and be open to the idea that someone could love and accept them...even someone they seemingly have feelings for as well.

I agree with this. If you think that nobody will ever love you, it is hard to believe it when someone tells you they like you. It's happened to me lots of times - I tell myself "Yeah, sure she likes me NOW, but just wait until she discovers my true personality" - it's that kind of mentality that has to change before you can truly enter a relationship.

 

[Feathers]

Do you still fear the opposite sex when you like them and you KNOW they like you?
Yes, a number of things could go wrong (big imagination!! )
they might not be 'right' for me, or I wouldn't be 'right' for them, we might not be truly compatible or the best choice for each other... What if I started dating him or even married him and then met someone new that I'd like better or were more compatible with? (I was raised Catholic!!)

I'd be afraid of a scuba diver guide too, lol!!
These guys meet new exciting tourists every week, I don't know if they can be truly faithful?? (In some places, there's even an 'industry' of guys earning money from tourists this way, though of course it can be 'harmless' and true love too, it may be difficult to tell in just 7 days though.. And even if it were 'true love', could it survive 'long distance'?) So, I'd be kinda suspicious of tourist guides and such, there's a list of other 'suspicious' professions in my head too, he he..

Any other thoughts might be, 'Is he just a Don Juan/womanizer'? 'Could this last, for at least long-term?' 'Would we be compatible?' 'Would he (or his Dad lol) expect too much of me?'

The only time I didn't fear them was when I didn't like'em or wasn't that impressed with them, or when I already had a boyfriend, or when it was in a totally different situation that wasn't interpreted as 'dating' (eg a trip or such).
If someone expressed interest and I wasn't really into them, it was very awkward and embarassing too: How to talk to him? How to respond? I want to be nice & polite & friendly, but not 'lead him on', etc.

 

[TooShyShy]

If you are wondering wether or not you'd meet someone ''better'' later on after dating, marriage, etc. then you really don't like the person that much so then i'd just move on and not care either way bcuz my feelings woudn't be that strong to begin with...which means i really don't want them the way i should.

Even if you didn't have SA that could happen..people meet others at work, online etc. and it does unfortunately happen with dating couples, married people.

As far as the long distance thing, again even without SA its not easy. I couldn't do it!

What the ''situation'' is that makes life tough (and this topic interesting) is if you DO LIKE THE PERSON A LOT but still can't bring yourself to do anything about it due to crippling anxiety, low self esteem, paralyzing fear, etc. then i'd say that would be an awful and really devastating thing to live with.

Its something that you'd ALWAYS wonder about, the ''what if i had just asked her/him out....'' now and later in life could be a real shame, especially if you then never meet anyone again who shows you that kind of interest whom would feel that way about you (possibly) for the rest of your life...its a very scary thought for many

 

[Clown]

can hardly open my mouth let alone that the opposite sex would like me xD

 

[Cynical]

That is precisely what I do. Generally I'm not awkward with the opposite sex (I used to be), but as soon as I pick up on 'the signs' (and it doesn't happen very often) I have no idea how to react. I think I have missed a few chances with a couple of rather gorgeous girls for my inaction.

 

[R3X]

i don't fear the opposite sex anymore unless if it's someone i have DEEP feelings for but most of the time,it's my lack of self-esteem,support,morale that causes me to fail or not act...of course,if i do like someone and that someone gave me a huge sign saying she does like me,then the fear of approaching is not there anymore but what worries me most is the fear AFTER the person gets to know me...so i guess that's why even though i know she likes me,and i want to talk but the fear of who i am pulls me back from from doing it....

 

[*Amy*]

Well, nobody has ever shown any explicit interest in me, so I can't answer your question properly. But yeah, I guess if someone showed some interest in me I would just pretend I didn't like him. Don't ask me why, but maybe I would be afraid he'd guess about my feelings and would make fun of me, even if it seemed he was interested... Oh, my, I'm so insecure...::