A86
Well-known member
Why are YOU on this site? What do you hope to get out of it? Do you want to change and be comfortable in your skin while in social situations?
I know when I joined this forum that I would have said that without a doubt I wanted to change and overcome my anxiety but looking back on my situation then, that really wasn't true.
Before I went to a psychologist/psychiatrist, I was so desperate to feel a part of something and I was so desperate to find an identity for myself because I felt like I was floating out into an abyss of nothing and could identify with nobody. When I went to the psychologist and they confirmed what I had already convinced myself of, I was honestly pretty happy to hear it because I could blame all my problems on Social Anxiety or Avoidant Personality Disorder. I found an identity, finally! The fact that I was also diagnosed as having clinical depression added to that identity.
So while I wouldn't admit it to most people and would even get mad when they would suggest it, I was attracted to feeling inferior and less than and I was attracted to the identity of being fearful around people because that is who I decided I was and if anyone suggested otherwise I would get angry because they were attacking my sense of self.
Yes. in hindsight, I too think I was looking for justification for my actions.
I bring that up because when I would talk to people that would try and show me a different perspective on life or a different way of viewing things I would get pissed and say things like positive thinking is a bunch of pink, fluffy, nonrealistic BS and I would get pissed and say they just didn't understand me. The truth was that they were challenging my false sense of self and who I thought I was by showing me that there are other ways of viewing the world and myself. They were showing me ways to overcome my social anxiety and my inferiority complex but I refused to listen because I didnt want to change and I had so much invested in the identity I had mapped out for myself
You can not help someone who is not willing to help themselves. It is very difficult to change your mindset in this regard and I applaud your determination to better yourself by starting to think outside of the box.
SO my question for you is....do you really want to change or do you have a lot invested in your identity of suffering from SA?
Honestly, if I really really wanted to change, I think I should have done so by now.
Instead I think I want to change enough that there is a gradual change, so my sense of self identity can handle the transition.