Do you really want to overcome SA?

[A86]

Why are YOU on this site? What do you hope to get out of it? Do you want to change and be comfortable in your skin while in social situations?

I know when I joined this forum that I would have said that without a doubt I wanted to change and overcome my anxiety but looking back on my situation then, that really wasn't true.

Before I went to a psychologist/psychiatrist, I was so desperate to feel a part of something and I was so desperate to find an identity for myself because I felt like I was floating out into an abyss of nothing and could identify with nobody. When I went to the psychologist and they confirmed what I had already convinced myself of, I was honestly pretty happy to hear it because I could blame all my problems on Social Anxiety or Avoidant Personality Disorder. I found an identity, finally! The fact that I was also diagnosed as having clinical depression added to that identity.

So while I wouldn't admit it to most people and would even get mad when they would suggest it, I was attracted to feeling inferior and less than and I was attracted to the identity of being fearful around people because that is who I decided I was and if anyone suggested otherwise I would get angry because they were attacking my sense of self.

Yes. in hindsight, I too think I was looking for justification for my actions.

I bring that up because when I would talk to people that would try and show me a different perspective on life or a different way of viewing things I would get pissed and say things like positive thinking is a bunch of pink, fluffy, nonrealistic BS and I would get pissed and say they just didn't understand me. The truth was that they were challenging my false sense of self and who I thought I was by showing me that there are other ways of viewing the world and myself. They were showing me ways to overcome my social anxiety and my inferiority complex but I refused to listen because I didnt want to change and I had so much invested in the identity I had mapped out for myself

You can not help someone who is not willing to help themselves. It is very difficult to change your mindset in this regard and I applaud your determination to better yourself by starting to think outside of the box.

SO my question for you is....do you really want to change or do you have a lot invested in your identity of suffering from SA?

Honestly, if I really really wanted to change, I think I should have done so by now.
Instead I think I want to change enough that there is a gradual change, so my sense of self identity can handle the transition.

 

[bread_crumbs]

I have recently came across the idea that I might be Antisocial with some SA mixed in.

Although I hate to be anxious by being exposed in public, there's a part of me that uses it as an excuse not to engage into social events, such as parties. I find parties to be a complete waste of time, I never had fun in them, I ALWAYS find myself thinking "when is it OK to leave this party without looking like a complete retard?".

Now, I don't know if I hate parties or any kind of group social events because I have SA or if my original personality actually doesn't like it.

I find myself happy that I don't have to deal with people and that keeps me wanting to stay with the illness.

I'm still in a journey to find out what really is wrong with me. I hoped that by observing others on this forum I could reach some conclusions.

 

[Unspoken]

I desperately want to get out of this, though I'm not sure how much a forum can do. I've made some good progress on my own. I guess I'm just drawn to things that seem similar.

I feel alone because I've come to believe that I'm just so weird even if I'm around family or the few friends I have. Like it's not noticeable to anyone, but I'm a totally different make than everyone else in a way that's neither good nor bad - just alienating. I don't want to be alone because I can't talk to people or because I'm terrified of their judgment, too.

 

[Saga]

Why I am on this site?
Well, I first came in the hope of finding and reading other people's success stories in overcoming SA, in the hope to do the same myself, or at least find a few tips. However, I now find my main reasons for being here are simply to be interacting with other people who experience and understand how I'm feeling. c:

And yes, I do want to overcome it. However, I don't really think I even would allow myself to recognize the SA until around three months ago. :3