Do you ever look around this world...

[Livingwithoutlivin]

I start recalling little moments in my life, back when things were fine, and I realize, those were the moments, when I absolutely KNEW that I was BEATIFUL. From the way I talked, to the way I moved, to the way I saw the world. The way I approached people, the beautiful possibilities and the notion that I had so so so much to do in life, that whole person, was just frickin amazing. I was like somebody who could knew that I saw the world in such a beautiful way, that I could make an absolutely beautiful movie, and making one of the greatest movies ever, another Titanic masterpiece, my potential for creativity was infinite, I recall how I used to tell my ex that I wish he could see the world through my eyes, cause I loved the way I saw the world,


It was all romantic, the skyscrapers, the city lights, the techno music, and my perspective on life, my laughter, I was a beautiful person, and sometimes I get back the feeling, and every now and then, it starts oozing out of me.

 

[Scrabbl]

haha I was just thinking about it the other day:

1:46 PM 07/06/2009
It's that empty feeling again. I don't feel like doing _anything_ right now, and it's not because I'm in a bad mood, at least I shouldn't be - everything is just fine! But it's like I always have to fill my days with distractions. Distractions like studying, working, socializing with friends, watching videos / movies, playing computer games and sports. When I run out of distractions, that old feeling is going to resurface in my mind. That feeling of emptiness. Nothingness. A deep void. Meaningless. Purposeless.
Life is a struggle, yes. But what am I fighting for? I'm not religious. Do I believe that there are ideals worth pursuing out there?
Actually, I do. I do believe. I'm not religious, but I'm not a nihilist. Several things I believe are:
• Nature is beautiful. I should try to experience it and preserve it (through my art, my love for it, and my actions).
• Most people are beautiful. They deserve to be happy. I should try to make them happy.
• Love is beautiful. But it depresses me that I may never be able to love and be loved. Mainly because I think the chances of finding someone that understands me and is similar to me are very slim, especially when I'm so clammed up socially.