Do you ever feel like people take an instant dislike to you?

[WishingICould]

I don't know if this is the SA talking or if it's actually reality but when i speak to new people or people i don't know very well i get this feeling that they secretly dislike me. Like, i try to be as friendly as i can and smile (eurgh) but it just seems like other girls my age take an instant dislike to me or look at me like i'm an alien. I have one genuine female friend who i met through work, that's it. I just find it impossible to make female friends and it hurts. For some strange reason i seem to find it easier to talk to guys and haven't had many problems talking to them (unless i find them attractive).

Maybe it's my awkwardness or the fact that they already have friends so they don't need anymore but, whatever the reason, it makes me feel like i'm inferior. When i was at college, my first day, none of the girls spoke to me and one of them actually said "do i have to sit next to her?" I was bullied badly because of my red hair and the fact i was quiet and didn't smile enough. It ruined college for me and i left in the end.

Now i'm working i see the same sort of behaviour. I'm like an oddity to them because i don't drink and i'm quiet. One of them told me i need to get a life. Frankly, i don't see what business it is of theirs what i do outside of work. I've tried my best to be civil to the bitchy ones but it hasn't helped. One girl from work added me on Facebook then one of her friends commented "LOL Her?" The one who added me seems nice yet she's best friends with that horrible girl. I don't get it. Should i just be horrible to be people see if i get more respect and maybe friends?

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

They're Jealous and insecure. Bunch of haters. A lot of girls would love to be friends with someone like you but you are quiet and shy which does lower the number of opportunities that you have to befriend other women.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

You may want to tell your friend at work that you're struggling to make female friends. Maybe she can introduce you to some of hers. It is very common for people to make friends through other friends. Ask her, don't be shy.

 

[WishingICould]

You may want to tell your friend at work that you're struggling to make female friends. Maybe she can introduce you to some of hers. It is very common for people to make friends through other friends. Ask her, don't be shy.

I would but she seems like the only nice one. Also, they all go out getting drunk all the time and i'm not really into that. I think i've just got to accept that i'll never have proper friends.

 

[KiaKaha]

That is just rude.
You have feelings too.

I am constantly amazed at how unkind and how quickly people will judge and dismiss a person just because they struggle a little socially. People seem to only want to associate with others if they have social worth. Life seems to be nothing but a popularity contest.

And people wonder why I am jaded.

 

[WishingICould]

That is just rude.
You have feelings too.

I am constantly amazed at how unkind and how quickly people will judge and dismiss a person just because they struggle a little socially. People seem to only want to associate with others if they have social worth. Life seems to be nothing but a popularity contest.

And people wonder why I am jaded.

Yes, it sucks. I don't understand people at all. I know i'm a nice, caring person and would do anything for people i care about but people never seem to want to know me. The girl at work who was horrible to me ended up sleeping with a co-worker's husband and getting pregnant, forcing his poor wife to leave because she couldn't face seeing her yet THIS horrible, skanky woman has friends?

 

[PGT]

I have a few friends at work but I am quiet and usually just keep to my self. When I do try and talk to others they listen and say a few words then just walk away as if there not interested in a single thing that I have said. Also apart from a few people nobody tries to talk or get to know me I always have to try and start a friendship. I think people just dislike me I don't know why maybe I give off a bad vibe or something. Crazy thing is if they actually tried to get to know me they would see that I am a nice person.

 

[WishingICould]

I have a few friends at work but I am quiet and usually just keep to my self. When I do try and talk to others they listen and say a few words then just walk away as if there not interested in a single thing that I have said. Also apart from a few people nobody tries to talk or get to know me I always have to try and start a friendship. I think people just dislike me I don't know why maybe I give off a bad vibe or something. Crazy thing is if they actually tried to get to know me they would see that I am a nice person.

Exactly. For some reason i find it hard to say "good morning" or whatever first so i either wait until they say it first or if they don't i say nothing and probably come across as rude. Someone once said i came across as stuck up because i walk around with my head down. How that could be interpreted as stuck up i have no idea. If i look sad why don't people ask how i am instead of judging me?

 

[KiaKaha]

Most people are too tied up in their own lives and their own world to look outside of themselves to try and befriend someone who lacks confidence socially.

I think there are a couple of reasons, one is because people who struggle to socialize and be around people have a tendency (not a rule but a tendency) to be fairly unpopular - no one wants to associate with people who are unpopular - people want to associate with people that are likeable - because it enables THEM to fit in better.

The other reason is that people don't have the inclination, desire or patience to try and get to know someone who is quiet and socially anxious.... it is simply too much work. Why would any one bother with someone that is difficult to get to know when they could be placing their efforts with someone that IS easy to get to know - and often more fun to be around too.

The sad fact it is - that people who are on the quieter side - are usually the most caring, the most empathetic, the most patient, the most understanding and the most caring - but these traits are ignored because they are hidden from view - and I often feel are undervalued too, because life is about status and being in control.

There are so many beautiful people out there who don't get the recognition they deserve.

 

[WishingICould]

Most people are too tied up in their own lives and their own world to look outside of themselves to try and befriend someone who lacks confidence socially.

I think there are a couple of reasons, one is because people who struggle to socialize and be around people have a tendency (not a rule but a tendency) to be fairly unpopular - no one wants to associate with people who are unpopular - people want to associate with people that are likeable - because it enables THEM to fit in better.

The other reason is that people don't have the inclination, desire or patience to try and get to know someone who is quiet and socially anxious.... it is simply too much work. Why would any one bother with someone that is difficult to get to know when they could be placing their efforts with someone that IS easy to get to know - and often more fun to be around too.

The sad fact it is - that people who are on the quieter side - are usually the most caring, the most empathetic, the most patient, the most understanding and the most caring - but these traits are ignored because they are hidden from view - and I often feel are undervalued too, because life is about status and being in control.

There are so many beautiful people out there who don't get the recognition they deserve.

Yes, i guess i probably am boring to outgoing people. I don't think i'm boring though. I like animals, i want to travel because i'm interested in other cultures, i love to read and draw but i guess that is boring to most people. My sister is the same and she's had very similar problems socially. It's such a shame because she was bullied and recently had to drop out of college but she's a really sweet person.

 

[KiaKaha]

^ Sorry I didn't mean to suggest you are boring. You don't sound boring to me.
I just meant - often people don't seem to want to give people a chance for what ever reason - when obviously if they did - they would find someone worth knowing.

 

[WishingICould]

^ Sorry I didn't mean to suggest you are boring. You don't sound boring to me.
I just meant - often people don't seem to want to give people a chance for what ever reason - when obviously if they did - they would find someone worth knowing.

No, i know what you meant. I am aware that i probably do come across as boring to people my age because i'm very quiet and not very good at being entertaining i guess.

 

[Lamb]

I would but she seems like the only nice one. Also, they all go out getting drunk all the time and i'm not really into that. I think i've just got to accept that i'll never have proper friends.

I know you said you've dealt with this your entire life. Have you ever met any girls who share similar interestor personalities like yours?

I share the same problem so all I can say is I share your pain.

There are some females I've come across who can see me as an acquaintence but nothing more, and I'm pretty sure it's the shyness factor. Add on being nice and sweet. I think to some people, if envy is not factored in- those qualities are interpreted as being fake or artificial. Insincere in some way.

It's gotten to the point where I feel extreme dislike towards females in general. Does that I mean I act nasty or catty towards them? no, not at all. Though, it's left me with a big inferiority complex.

 

[WishingICould]

I know you said you've dealt with this your entire life. Have you ever met any girls who share similar interestor personalities like yours?

I share the same problem so all I can say is I share your pain.

There are some females I've come across who can see me as an acquaintence but nothing more, and I'm pretty sure it's the shyness factor. Add on being nice and sweet. I think to some people, if envy is not factored in- those qualities are interpreted as being fake or artificial. Insincere in some way.

It's gotten to the point where I feel extreme dislike towards females in general. Does that I mean I act nasty or catty towards them? no, not at all. Though, it's left me with a big inferiority complex.

That's the thing, i don't ever meet girls who like the same things as me. Mind you, i'm also too scared to tell people what i like in case they think i'm weird. I hate it when people ask what music i like etc I feel like they're trying to catch me out.

 

[Lea]

I usually assume the worst, but some people are nice enough to accept me the way I am even though they most likely think I am a weirdo. The problem here is not as much with others, as with me and that I feel so stressed and awkward if I have to be around people. I don't mind so much what they think, but that I am feeling so uncomfortable.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Workplaces full of women can be intimidating. Especially for those of us who don't have success making friends. The good thing is that you have a friend there; she can be a valuable asset. Women are not all bad...we can make awesome friends! We do ourselves a disservice when we refer to our own gender as "b*tches." I know no one used that language, but you guys know what I mean. We just don't give each other a chance with that sort of attitude. If we want people to give us a chance, we have to give them a chance too. Still, it does seem that people have been really cruel to you. That is not cool. I can't understand how some people can be so mean. Sometimes it does feel like that high school mentality just doesn't go away for some people :/

For some reason i find it hard to say "good morning" or whatever first so i either wait until they say it first or if they don't i say nothing and probably come across as rude. Someone once said i came across as stuck up because i walk around with my head down. How that could be interpreted as stuck up i have no idea. If i look sad why don't people ask how i am instead of judging me?

This is it. They probably do think you are stuck up. I struggle with this very same thing. When I was working, I just couldn't get the words "good morning" to slip out of my mouth. It is what people do though. You just have to. The sooner you get into the habit, the better. Though no one ever told me so, I know they all thought I was stuck up. They were not gonna take the time to figure out what was really going on. People just won't go through all that trouble unfortunately. It is up to us to change it around. It may feel a bit awkward at first, but you can start by saying Hello.

BTW, your red hair sounds amazing. I have been wanting to be a red head, but it just never comes out right.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

The sad fact it is - that people who are on the quieter side - are usually the most caring, the most empathetic, the most patient, the most understanding and the most caring - but these traits are ignored because they are hidden from view - and I often feel are undervalued too, because life is about status and being in control.

This assumption doesn't seem quite fair. Extroverts can be caring, empathetic, patient, and understanding too; they are just more talkative is all. We are really not all that special I hope that doesn't come off the wrong way. People are just people; one kind is not superior to the other.

 

[IntheLabyrinth]

Razzle dazzle is right that extroverts can be kind and caring, but it just seems like more introverts are. Maybe it's because more introverts have been picked on so they develop sympathy for others since they can relate better. That is just my assumption though.

As to the original question, I feel like that all the time. I am sure it is just that I don't like myself so I think others don't really like me either. I feel like I have to say the perfect thing every time I interact with someone, or they will not like me.

 

[WishingICould]

Workplaces full of women can be intimidating. Especially for those of us who don't have success making friends. The good thing is that you have a friend there; she can be a valuable asset. Women are not all bad...we can make awesome friends! We do ourselves a disservice when we refer to our own gender as "b*tches." I know no one used that language, but you guys know what I mean. We just don't give each other a chance with that sort of attitude. If we want people to give us a chance, we have to give them a chance too. Still, it does seem that people have been really cruel to you. That is not cool. I can't understand how some people can be so mean. Sometimes it does feel like that high school mentality just doesn't go away for some people :/



This is it. They probably do think you are stuck up. I struggle with this very same thing. When I was working, I just couldn't get the words "good morning" to slip out of my mouth. It is what people do though. You just have to. The sooner you get into the habit, the better. Though no one ever told me so, I know they all thought I was stuck up. They were not gonna take the time to figure out what was really going on. People just won't go through all that trouble unfortunately. It is up to us to change it around. It may feel a bit awkward at first, but you can start by saying Hello.

BTW, your red hair sounds amazing. I have been wanting to be a red head, but it just never comes out right.

I think it's too late to change people's minds about me now.

 

[laure15]

I can relate to so much in this thread. People also seem to think I'm stuck up because I don't talk a lot. How they came to that conclusion puzzles me because they're the ones gossiping and making negative comments about other people, not me. I'm lucky I have a few friends who are caring and understanding. I told one of them I have SA and avpd and her response was more positive than I'd expected. I suggest befriending more people in your area who are caring, understanding, and can relate to you.