Do you ever blame your parents for your shortcomings?

[God_help_Us]

I shouldn't but I do. I sometimes resent my mother for smothering me, and getting way over emotional when I'd tell her about situations in school- I mean, she'd fall apart in front of me, and of course that never helps you feel emotionally strong. She'd literally do everything for me too. Sure I had chores once in a while, but she's all too happy to do what I should have been doing on my own. And I hated her silly advice- hadn't she gone through school herself? How could she set me up to be such a dork? I don't get it. And I hate how my father ignored me through the darkest days of my life- he could have been there for God sake, instead of finding every excuse in the world to avoid me when I needed to talk. My mom insists it's all genetic, but I think wiser parenting could have helped.

PS, don't anybody think telling me "they could have been worse" is going to help me. I know they weren't the worse in the world, but how they both be so stupid?

 

[chained]

I blame my parents for a lot of stuff.. for being to over protective.. not letting me freaking roler blade..not letting me go to parties, for doing all the house work...for not letting me go to the docs alone when I'm freaking 17, I thought all this was normal. I have become more independent.. but still :/ and a lot of other things I can;t even think of, cuz I prolly still think they're normal :/

 

[ShyCanuck]

I do in a sort of neutral, non-malicious way. Rather then being overprotective, they probably weren't protective or involved enough. I feel like they didn't take enough time to discipline me, so I don't really have any self-discipline.

But I do have a younger brother who was raised the exact same way, and he's my exact opposite. For as long as I can remember, I was always the mischevious hellraiser and he was always the nice child that did chores without being asked. To this day, he's outgoing, social, successful at everything he does, motivated, etc. so I think genetics must play a large role in these things. We're very much like eachother, but in terms of lifestyle and personality we are almost extreme opposites. We get along very well, I like to thing better then most siblings, but we can get into vicious verbal fights and the occasional fist fight (Although he is both taller and much more muscular then I am, I've always been able to take advantage of the fact that he's very emotionally sensitive whereas I am very unemotional).

 

[SpLynx]

Yes I blame my parents for what I am now. I know a person who was born exactly the same day even in the same hospital and he is a different person... There are things we choose to do the same but he obviously has no problems with self confidence and socializing... he is very successful and who am I... nothing. I have no purpose in life, I am just existing, passing my days...

 

[iamthenra]

I can't blame my folks for all my problems, I think part of it may be hereditary... I do however blame my folks for being abused at a very young age. My mother physically beat me, and my father who knew better being a teacher let it continue without any intervention... Nothing quite like it, trying to please them both so that they would love me, but never quite feeling like they even cared. Especially my mother, who I have always felt that she hated me. There was no safe place for me growing up, I would try to hide in the house so she couldn't find me, but she always did, and the beatings would always start without an end or until her hand started to hurt then she would grab a stick, wooden spoon, ladle, or anything that was within reach. I hate her for what she did.

 

[God_help_Us]

I can't blame my folks for all my problems, I think part of it may be hereditary... I do however blame my folks for being abused at a very young age. My mother physically beat me, and my father who knew better being a teacher let it continue without any intervention... Nothing quite like it, trying to please them both so that they would love me, but never quite feeling like they even cared. Especially my mother, who I have always felt that she hated me. There was no safe place for me growing up, I would try to hide in the house so she couldn't find me, but she always did, and the beatings would always start without an end or until her hand started to hurt then she would grab a stick, wooden spoon, ladle, or anything that was within reach. I hate her for what she did.

I feel like a whiney ingrate after that.

 

[AsHLeY]

I DON'T blame my parents whatsoever. Afterall, they're only human. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm completely confident that they raised me the way they thought best.

I think too many adults blame their parents and their "bad childhood" for their current shortcomings or lack of life skills. Seems kind of irresponsible to me.

I mean does pointing the finger really do any good? I can only hope that when I have kids and I raise them the best way I know how, that they won't play the "blame game" on me twenty years down the road for any shortcomings they feel they may have.

 

[Lea]

I DON'T blame my parents whatsoever. Afterall, they're only human. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm completely confident that they raised me the way they thought best.

I think too many adults blame their parents and their "bad childhood" for their current shortcomings or lack of life skills. Seems kind of irresponsible to me.

I mean does pointing the finger really do any good? I can only hope that when I have kids and I raise them the best way I know how, that they won't play the "blame game" on me twenty years down the road for any shortcomings they feel they may have.

Ok, so you want to deny that many parents raise children like ****? I don't know how you were raised, perhaps not too badly, but that is not the case of everybody. There are children misshandled, abused, unloved, or what's sometimes even worse, abused psychologically, manipulated emotionally, presented false values, have their soul screwed etc. That's the FACT, and denying the fact means to be lying. If I know my parents were treating me badly, I am also going to say so and I'm not ashamed to say so. I just say the truth, because I am not a hypocrite and a liar.

But you're right that this still doesn't take responsibility from us for our moral decisions as adults! If I go stealing or murdering people and get caught, it is my fault, there is no point in blaming my bad childhood for that.

 

[AsHLeY]

To Lea - the question was not were you abused as a child etc... for those people, that is extremely unfortunate - the question was "do you blame your parents for your shortcomings?" I don't feel that anyone can blame anyone else for their own shortcomings in life.

 

[nopark]

I love my parents to death. My parents style -- I can only describe as "neutral." They weren't smothering, they never really pushed me in any direction. They always gave me the freedom to choose. They readily explained what they thought was best, but ultimately the choice was always mine.

I guess some might consider this freedom a bad thing -- maybe I needed someone to push me. I might be a different person if they did. But I generally like myself, and I couldn't have become me if I wasn't given the chance to choose.

No, I don't blame them. I just blame myself.