Do people want to be friends with you?

[lilmutegirl]

I have posted before about my lack of/awkward friendships. Recently, at work, someone (whom I used to supervise, actually) talked to me and told me he was telling me as a friend. This person has a history of not trusting managers, but it appears clear that he does trust me. I know he has a lot of close friendships with people outside of work, but he and I have only interacted while working together. A couple of years ago, I was in a similar situation, where a colleague said that I was her friend. This one I actively spent time with (still within working hours, but we'd go to lunch).
I don't know how to react to people wanting to be friends with me, especially if they are outside of the small group I actually spend time with (rarely, but it happens on occasion). In high school, there were 3 girls who vied for the spot of my "best friend," and unfortunately, the mean one won, so I spent nearly a decade being ordered around/insulted by her, but that's over now.

I think I probably miss out on a lot of opportunities for friendship, and I kind of regret it. I put up barriers (especially at work, now that I am in management). I am never sure if someone is my friend, unless they state it. I will never make the first move.

How do you react if someone refers to you as a friend?

 

[lily]

Yes people have always wanted to be friends with me but due to my anxiety I couldn't be and that's sad. I also regret about missed opportunities to be friends. The only thing we can do is not to make the same mistakes as before and to do our best. I still have some sort of eye contact difficulty so I can't be close to people exactly but I can still be friends and be as close a friend as possible if I encounter one. I do have some friends and they want to be friends with me.
I think since they referred to you as a friend, in your situation they think of you as a friend.

 

[Jungle]

Makes me feel anxious and underestimate my ability to be a worthy friend and make it feels like I have to live up to some expectations.

As a teenager I remember instances of people being insincere about it, branding you a friend to guilt-trip you whenever you wouldn't "be a friend" to their advantage, like lending them something, or supporting them for something questionable or blindly trusting them

 

[Xervello]

I have posted before about my lack of/awkward friendships. Recently, at work, someone (whom I used to supervise, actually) talked to me and told me he was telling me as a friend. This person has a history of not trusting managers, but it appears clear that he does trust me. I know he has a lot of close friendships with people outside of work, but he and I have only interacted while working together. A couple of years ago, I was in a similar situation, where a colleague said that I was her friend. This one I actively spent time with (still within working hours, but we'd go to lunch).
I don't know how to react to people wanting to be friends with me, especially if they are outside of the small group I actually spend time with (rarely, but it happens on occasion). In high school, there were 3 girls who vied for the spot of my "best friend," and unfortunately, the mean one won, so I spent nearly a decade being ordered around/insulted by her, but that's over now.

I think I probably miss out on a lot of opportunities for friendship, and I kind of regret it. I put up barriers (especially at work, now that I am in management). I am never sure if someone is my friend, unless they state it. I will never make the first move.

How do you react if someone refers to you as a friend?

I guess it starts with what you consider a friend to be? What does that word mean to you?

Can't say that I remember an instance where someone I didn't consider a friend referred to me as one. Were that to happen, I suppose I'd feel flattered. It would make me feel good. However, if I was the boss and it was a worker saying that, I suppose a part of me would also feel a little suspicious. I have a pretty good bullshit meter though. So long as I didn't have anyone manipulating me under the guise of friendship (like your bestie did you to, unfortunately) I wouldn't fret about it and take it in stride. Hopefully your past experience should alert you to any red flags about people. Trust your gut, not your brain. Sometimes your mind will try to talk yourself out of something so the heart doesn't get hurt.