Dilema of shyness?

[MrCaritas]

I would like to thank the person that responds to this. I'm 17 and I have no social life. It's very painful for me and I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of staying in and playing video games the whole time. It's weird because at school I can socialize pretty decently. I'm quiet but that's because I can't think anything too say so its more like mental blocks rather than being afraid to talk simply because I’m not really interested in things my peers are. As such I do much better when I'm around people I know when with someone new. As a result I don't do well with strangers. I rarely get asked to hang out but when I do it goes pretty smoothly in my opinion.

I really don't experience the typical shy stuff really. But I barely leave the house besides school for social things despite me being able to handle them decently. As a result my family at home thinks I have terrible social issues but I suppose I can't blame them. I also act very anti social around my family and display some anti social things such as no eye contact, taking a real long time to respond to things and walking away when they're talking, things I don't do with people at school. It's like I'm someone at school but then at home I'm someone else. Also a big problem for me is that I feel like I have a low drive to socialize so to speak. Despite me having pretty alright social skills I don't have that much of a desire to really. I know this can't be natural.

I mean am I just lazy and stuck in a 14 year old routine? (which will be REALLY pathetic). Hard core introvert? Overestimating my social skills? Expecting people to initiate all the time? Fear of change? I mean I noticed I suck at making plans so that could be a problem. Help?

Edit: Should I talk to my school counselor about this?

Edit2: I'm researching on aspeger's. I know this isn't really the place for it, but is it possible to get assessed for it at my age?

 

[Phoenixx]

Welcome to SPW, MrCaritas I'm 17 and don't have a social life either. It sucks, but my reason is that I am afraid to socialize with most people. I hardly talk in school and I barely make eye contact with people (However this has been improving for me). The only places I go are pretty much school and, occasionally, to the store. Besides that, I basically shut myself indoors either reading, spending hours on the internet, or playing video games. It's a horrible habit that I really need to break.

 

[Waybuloo]

Hello and welcome

To me, and it's my personal opinion only, you don't seem to have social anxiety or phobia, but are just an introvert. You yourself admit you have alright social skills and socialise fine, andyou didn't mention being fearful and avoidant due to fears. You have no physicial symptons. A lot of people at school can have one or another issue with peopel or socialisation, cause everyone is still learning how to relate to and deal with people, honing their skills more and more.

Can I ask why do you not feel the need to socialise outside of school? Do you feel no interest in spending more time wiht your friends, or the fun stuff that you could possibly do together? Without more information, I think that If you had wanted to socialise more I think you would've tried already, so it's really about you shutting away due to preferring your own company. What happens at school though, do your friends invite you out on teh weekends, or suggest stuff to do? I had a few friends that I hung around with daily but there was a barrier I could not break because I had problem wiht relationships. however periodically someone will suggest going out for a movie or something, and that was basically my main outlet.

If you really care that much about what your family thinks, make more effort with them and dispel doubts from their minds. Do you not feel safe and comfortable giving eye contact and talking with them? That sounds like a problem. If you jsut can't be bothered then you still need to work on that. Your family is your closest circle and they are your bedrock and support network. People are generally happier when they have good familial relationships. I wouldn't want my parents to worry unless I wanted them to suffer on purpose as punishment or as a cry out for attention.

You mention being better at socialising when with people you know. Being able to converse decently wiht strangers, especially with the small talk, is a skill you need in the workplace later on, but you still have plenty of time to develop that. Although most people at school would be in the same boat as you as they already have friendships and don't need ot meet anyone new. However why not try small talk with cashiers or just someone at the bus stop if that's not too weird where you live. Work on having enough composure with strangers but having enough connection to talk.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum!

 

[Memory]

I'm a little older than you, and I have no social life. I haven't really had one properly since when I was about thirteen/fourteen. The reason for this is because I have no friends and I'm scared of socialising. I'm basically like Phoenixx. I know my parents worry about me, but I can't help it and I think they're accepting that I'm a recluse.

Like someone else said, I think you're just an introvert. You can socialise well at school, it's just outside of school that's the problem and you're lucky you have good social skills. Why don't you invite some people from school to go bowling, or for a meal, or even just ask them round to play video games with you?

 

[JosephG]

Hello and welcome Mr Caritas
I relate to you greatly when you talk about a "mental block" you experience. A lot of the time when I'm not feeling socially anxious I will still get this "mental block". Someone will say something to me and I will have no natural response - no instant thought telling me to say something like I imagine most sociable have. And I believe sometimes that this mental block is not due to anxiety and it is just something wrong with me. Although I keep getting told again and again that anxiety causes the mind to blank and that is the probable cause.
Could you elaborate more on this mental block? This intrigues me greatly.

From what you've said I would also say you don't have social anxiety as such but you are perhaps shy and I'd agree with Waybuloo in saying that you are perhaps introverted.
However if you are happy the way you are it doesn't matter. Some people just prefer to be alone a lot of the time (I am certainly one of them!) But if the way you are is making you really unhappy perhaps you should talk with a counsellor to help you along in the process of sorting out your thoughts and maybe help you work out who you are a little better

imho