Didn't know what SA felt like...turns out exactly how I feel!

[silveraks13]

Always thought the way I felt was just "panic or anxiety". Didn't think I could possibly have SA because I have been a really good manager, I am a really good massage therapist, and have had a social life. The thing is that I am a really good actor, I think high school drama trained me well, if I can put on a different face I'm good but when it comes down to situtations calling for the "real" me, whomever she is, my skin crawls!
A list of things that get me anxious-just curious if anyone else can relate-

Driving (didn't start until I was 28 And I still refuse to parallel park.)

Making phone calls. (Can't really say why)

Writing on the internet (yes, this post is bothering me, what if I spell something wrong)

House Parties (interesting though that a bar full of strangers doesn't bother me...either the alcohol or again I can be anyone)

Grocery shopping (I have on many occasions walked out on a cart full of food)

Anything requiring phychical activity! (Sweating in front of people...horrible!!)

One on One conversations. (Biggest fear...not being liked...so I am who people what me to be. These conversations require me to be myself and I don't know her.)

Trying new things.

Taking my newborn baby out in public. (Feel like people are judging me)

These are the things that are sticking out to me and like I said I am just curious if there are others that can relate. I am worried because I have also noticed that I have started relying on substances to handle social situations. Used to be alcohol and now I have started taking pain pills less for pain and more to calm me down. This scares the crap out of me!!! I have been on Celexa and then Zoloft for a long time but don't feel that it worked well. My doctor has switched me to Paxil which I start today...Let's hope for the best!

Thanks for listening...
M

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[market.garden]

Driving (didn't start until I was 28 And I still refuse to parallel park.)

^ I'm the same... started to learn a few weeks ago at 26 and it sends my anxiety into overdrive!

Making phone calls. (Can't really say why)
^ I rarely do this, and only if completely necessary.

Writing on the internet (yes, this post is bothering me, what if I spell something wrong)

^ I rarely even post on here anymore because it makes me so anxious

M

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Boby]

First of all:
Hi and welcome to SPW.

Yeah i can relate to you on some aspects:
-I don't like driving ( I have a license for 4 years and a car too but I still use the buss:
-I was afraid of speaking on the phone too,but I had to go over this fear and I managed to do it
-Writing on forums get me anxious too,this is still work in progress as you can see::
-House parties,if there are to few ppl (1 or2) that I know at that party I'm not coming

 

[Squall]

Welcome to SPW ^^

 

[cosmosis]

You sound very similar to my wife who also has much anxiety and social anxiety. It's funny because I'm terrified of people but in the reverse way. I'm terrified of strangers in a bar or any situations where everyone plays a 'different' person and are not their real selves. I'm much much more confident in 1 on 1 conversations and conversations where the real me is allowed. So its interesting because my wife usually has less anxiety when meeting new people and she slowly gets more anxious as they start getting to know who she really is. Whereas I get less and less anxious the more someone gets to know me. Anyway, I find it interesting that it can be so different and welcome to the forum

 

[Srijita52]

Hi, welcome to SPW
One on one conversations are one of my biggest fears too, atleast I can hide myself in groups but here I've to do all the work by myself. I'm also scared of making phone calls, writing on the internet (I always re read every post at least 8 times) and grocery shopping.

 

[O'Killian]

I can certainly relate to some of these.

Driving... Doesn't make me too anxious anymore, but I didn't get a license until I absolutely had to (18 - I live rurally so public transport isn't an option). I can't parallel park worth a damn, either, but thankfully that's a city thing anyway, heh.

Terrified of the telephone. I get antsy calling machines to pay bills. Never know what to say to actual other people, either.

Afraid of posting on the Internet as well - don't really know why.

I'm not comfortable being in public, either, which actually covers most of the rest of your list.

I can relate somewhat to the acting thing - I think this is what I used to do, before more or less withdrawing from society completely. It used to not be all that hard to put on a face and scrabble together a conversation and just generally pretend everything was fine. Now I'm afraid even that's beyond me, heh.

So, yeah, as the banner says - you are not alone.

 

[silveraks13]

Thanks! Feels a little better having a name for my internal monster!

 

[Iluv]

Hey, welcome to the forum.

 

[silveraks13]

O'Killian~ Your comment about how you "used" to be a good actor hit a chord. As I take a look at my life as it is right now I am starting to feel that I am also losing that skill to pretend that everything is fine. It's exhausting! I describe the feeling as "running on mud" so hard to keep going but if you stop...you sink. And I have been finding it much easier to avoid situations. I stay home most of the time even though it can feel horrible. Bored and lonely but when I think about going to visit with a friend the battle in my head begins, to go or not to go, and now that I have a young baby it's even harder to go. So can we fix this thing???

 

[lilmutegirl]

Welcome! In answer to your questions:

Driving (didn't start until I was 28 And I still refuse to parallel park.)
I don't have a problem with driving in general (I actually enjoy it), but I also refuse to parallel park.
Making phone calls. (Can't really say why)
I loathe phone calls, even to people I know. I have been avoiding several phone calls I need to make because of this fact.
Writing on the internet (yes, this post is bothering me, what if I spell something wrong)
This doesn't bother me as much as it used to. It depends on what I'm posting and where. I tend to second-guess myself after posting stuff.
House Parties (interesting though that a bar full of strangers doesn't bother me...either the alcohol or again I can be anyone)
I don't go to many parties. And, I only go to bars because my friends like to.
Grocery shopping (I have on many occasions walked out on a cart full of food)
Shopping used to bother me some, but I've gotten over most of it.
Anything requiring phychical activity! (Sweating in front of people...horrible!!)
I am very self-conscious about physical activity in front of others.
One on One conversations. (Biggest fear...not being liked...so I am who people what me to be. These conversations require me to be myself and I don't know her.)
It depends on the person with whom I'm talking.
Trying new things.
I am terrified of trying new things. I'm always worried I'll fail.
Taking my newborn baby out in public. (Feel like people are judging me)
I felt that way when my son was younger (it was also a little stressful to prepare to go out--I was always worried something would happen and I wouldn't have what I needed to deal with the situation). Now, I'm more concerned about him embarrassing me (he's almost 5). I'm slowly getting over that, though.

 

[Roman Legion]

First off, Welcome to SPW.. Secondly, I mainly have issues with selective mutism, but the anxiety is horrible.. Just today the anxiety from sitting quietly in a room of strangers made me vomit quite a bit..

Driving (didn't start until I was 28 And I still refuse to parallel park.)

I actually got my license in high school drivers ed.. It required zero social interaction, so I was alright there.. I drive alone, never with anyone else. One time, a guy I worked with needed a ride, I nodded yes, it was easier than trying to explain without being able to speak. I played my music VERY loud the entire drive and kept noticing I was very much speeding, I was very distracted by him being in my car. Never again will I do that!

Making phone calls. (Can't really say why)

It is a form of torture on the phone.. Sometimes I can speak on it, most of the time I am too uncomfortable to speak. I never get calls anyway and I don't own a cellphone.

Writing on the internet (yes, this post is bothering me, what if I spell something wrong)

Writing for me on the internet is far better than the phone and less anxiety involved when I write what I want to say on paper to people.

House Parties (interesting though that a bar full of strangers doesn't bother me...either the alcohol or again I can be anyone)

Never been to anything like that, never will.. I have no experience on this to share.

Grocery shopping (I have on many occasions walked out on a cart full of food)

I wear my sunglasses and headphones when I have to go out in public, especially grocery stores.. It discourages conversation from the cashier if they can't hear you.. No idea why the sunglasses make me feel better, but who am I to argue with how well the glasses work, eh?

Anything requiring phychical activity! (Sweating in front of people...horrible!!)

Just being around people does it for me, no matter what I'm doing. Then again, nobody thinks much about a sweaty guy..lol


One on One conversations. (Biggest fear...not being liked...so I am who people what me to be. These conversations require me to be myself and I don't know her.)

At least you can speak to them, that's better than where I'm at.. When I must, I communicate through pen and paper (Trying to learn sign language to help me) and god forbid I lose the pen or paper or even forget it at home.. Then nods and shakes do my work for me with horrible results.. I signed up for random classes because I had to answer in nods.. Not bad classes, but one of them causes some anxiety just by thinking of things that they will possibly do involving me.. Ugh!

Trying new things.

New things by myself away from anyone isn't bad for me, but with people.. Nope..

 

[O'Killian]

So can we fix this thing???

Well, personally, I believe I can because the alternative just isn't acceptable to me. It's only recently that I've actually accepted I have a serious problem so I can't back that up with much practical experience.

Having read these forums quite a bit, some folks say they've beaten social anxiety, others say it's still there but they've learned to function with it. So there are success stories.

Your running on mud analogy is pretty apt - I suppose I've sunk already, probably because I don't mind being alone all that much and was willing to let it happen without consciously realizing it.

So here's hoping we can get through this.

 

[silveraks13]

At least you can speak to them, that's better than where I'm at.. When I must, I communicate through pen and paper (Trying to learn sign language to help me) and god forbid I lose the pen or paper or even forget it at home.. Then nods and shakes do my work for me with horrible results.. I signed up for random classes because I had to answer in nods.. Not bad classes, but one of them causes some anxiety just by thinking of things that they will possibly do involving me.. Ugh!


I took ASL classes and it really is quite a beautiful language! I had big dreams of signing for rock concerts but I found, I'm apologizing now and mean no disrespect, the deaf communinty to be very closed off. I understand it but I didn't appreciate being treated poorly...anyway I gave up because of that and the chances of me actually signing for concerts was low and I wasn't interested in signing in Law, Religion or Social Work. I am trying to teach my little baby girl some sign language! Kind of fun Oh and I did remember a whole lot of really fun curse words if you ever need one! LOL!