I've fallen in love a couple of times, or been close to it. Sometimes its difficult to tell.
The first guy was someone who I met treeplanting. Usually I shy away from guys altogether, but it was different this time because I had a boyfriend and therefore it did not feel like it was even an option. Plus, he had someone he was interested in on his end. Anyway, we became really good friends. Mostly it was just sillyness. But I felt lighthearted around this person, things generally felt pretty effortless. We made each other laugh, and looked out for one another. Basically it was the most 'at home' I've felt with anyone for a very long time. I remember he had bought this crappy Canadian Tire tent (he was extremely conservative with money) that eventually caved in and flooded with rain, so I let him bunk in with me for a couple nights. Nothing ever happened between us, I mean that we never established a physical connection. Mostly we just stayed up and talked nonsense and listened to Agatha Christie stories on my Ipod and complained about how miserable our present lives were (the job, etc.). I'm pretty sure the entire camp thought we were sleeping together, and I felt a lot of guilt for that even though I didn't think I was trespassing on grounds of infidelity. It was not until he left the camp (he had to leave a few days early) that I realized my true feelings, which so often seems to be the case. I felt as though I had lost a part of myself, and really, in a way I had. He brought out this whole other side of me that I had nearly forgotten existed. When I came back home and I saw my boyfriend I realized how much I had just been deluding myself with this person. The feelings between us weren't love but more to do with feelings of insecurity. I felt an incredible guilt and torment and tried to make things work for a while but eventually I broke it off.
Before he left camp we exchanged email addresses (he lived several hours from me) and we wrote each other for a while. We even discussed the idea of going on a trip together, but I felt like I wouldn't be able to face him again knowing how I felt. Plus i was really confused about everything, coming out of that relationship, and knew that it was the wrong time. He had many ambitions to travel and see the world and I had my own and they did not include one another.
Sometimes I really feel as though we are not meant to marry these people. Our 'soul mates'. The people who share the same heart beat. That we meet up with them and they remind us of who we really are and it is enough just knowing they are out there in the world. I'm not sure. Love works in strange ways.