smallestloser-yes and its my ultimate conclusion that us avpders spend most if not all of our energy 'coping' with lifes problems rather than actually enjoying life.its like we are in a boxing match and we are just defending punches nonstop.by the 10th round(later in life) we are very good at defending punches(coping with lifes problems) but we havent thrown any punches..by then its too late, the fight is over.just how i see things right now.
Diary of a Life Wasted..
- Thread starter bsammy
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OceanMist
Well-known member
Yes, this is very true. It's why I never get into relationships. I had one, but that was short-lived and was 6 years ago.
Oh yeah, and guess why she dumped me? I didn't socialize enough for her. I didn't do enough stuff with her and never connected with her friends.
She basically told me in a nice way that I'm not the socially confident, alpha male that she wants.
What is weird is that I'm not a bad looking guy and I have a lot of positive qualities. It's just my painful that shyness that stops me from dating women. I'm afraid to approach, I don't have anything to say and don't want to say anything.
I've found that it just doesn't matter how good of a person you are. You can be a kind, funny, intelligent, honest and loyal person. All those qualities mean absolutely nothing if you don't talk enough to women. It's all about talking.
It sucks so much, because the one thing I suck at is the socializing.
tenuous~hold
Well-known member
"diary of a wasted life" sounds like so much stuff i've written before (in a journal, etc.).
sometimes i seem like the only person in the world who can't maintain a relationship, & who really doesn't even wanta make the effort to search one out. it feels like so much to do - more than i'm capable of - & what if they don't want to accept the real me anyway (w/all my baggage)? i mean, is it really even worth the trouble? i thought i liked being married, & in a relationship or two (except i would always pick the extreme types who it was never going to work long-term with)... but these days...
but coyote's in a relationship - how'd that happen? so many of us here just seem like we're unable to work that out.
sometimes i seem like the only person in the world who can't maintain a relationship, & who really doesn't even wanta make the effort to search one out. it feels like so much to do - more than i'm capable of - & what if they don't want to accept the real me anyway (w/all my baggage)? i mean, is it really even worth the trouble? i thought i liked being married, & in a relationship or two (except i would always pick the extreme types who it was never going to work long-term with)... but these days...
but coyote's in a relationship - how'd that happen? so many of us here just seem like we're unable to work that out.
^oh you arent the only one that cant maintain a relationship.i think i could possibly maintain a relationship IF the woman had a full time job, wasnt clingy, had her own interests, didnt have a large circle of friends, didnt get along with her immediate family that well(so we wouldnt have to do the family thing too often) and just enjoyed being around me once in awhile..she would have to enjoy nature and tv/movies and be somewhat eccentric..she would have to get used to me not calling her for a few days at a stretch as well.basically it would be like a part-time relationship as thats al i could handle tbh.so how likely am i to find this woman at my age (35) not likely..besides im not even actively looking for one.i view it as so much work for little gain.so where does that leave me, either i could work my life away or just dive into my hobbies.hmm
mart22n
Well-known member
Hi BSammy,
All I can say is...you seem way too negativistic about yourself and life. I'm ten years younger than you, but I'm cultivating this "I don't give a f*ck" attitude. So what that you haven't done sh*t during your past - it's now time to make your life a bit more interesting, isn't it? No one's judging you remotely as hard as you. People don't even care.
About that AVP disorder - bullsh*t! Forget about any disorders. You just developed in some early stage of your life some kind of "shell", through which communicating is exhausting, yeah, I get what you mean (been there too). Time to slowly break the shell and start enjoying yourself in the company of others. Slowly start saying things you really want to say. Start saying more about what you're thinking. The main thing: I don't give a f*ck what they think. All I want is enjoy my time on this Earth. Or, you can just as well keep living the boring life. Doesn't matter either.
Oh, and with chicks - not giving a f*ck seems to work in that field too. You want close relationships and sex - start working toward these goals. You could even read the book "The Game" as a starter (I'm planning to read it, I've heard it's good
)
Good luck anyway, man
All I can say is...you seem way too negativistic about yourself and life. I'm ten years younger than you, but I'm cultivating this "I don't give a f*ck" attitude. So what that you haven't done sh*t during your past - it's now time to make your life a bit more interesting, isn't it? No one's judging you remotely as hard as you. People don't even care.
About that AVP disorder - bullsh*t! Forget about any disorders. You just developed in some early stage of your life some kind of "shell", through which communicating is exhausting, yeah, I get what you mean (been there too). Time to slowly break the shell and start enjoying yourself in the company of others. Slowly start saying things you really want to say. Start saying more about what you're thinking. The main thing: I don't give a f*ck what they think. All I want is enjoy my time on this Earth. Or, you can just as well keep living the boring life. Doesn't matter either.
Oh, and with chicks - not giving a f*ck seems to work in that field too. You want close relationships and sex - start working toward these goals. You could even read the book "The Game" as a starter (I'm planning to read it, I've heard it's good
)Good luck anyway, man
^i appreciate the advice but im much past the stage of really caring what others think.i do say what i think, i dont hold back for the most part..
over the years i have forced myself into the company of others many times but out of 1 in 10 times do i actually somewhat enjoy it.this seems to be something somewhat out of my control.the conversation either clicks or it doesnt.
do i want chicks and a relationship, i cant even answer that but judging from my actions, i dont.when i was your age i played the game like other guys but the end result(sex, one night stands) never was worth the energy put into it.not for me it wasnt.it felt like i was trying to impress others more than doing what i truly wanted to do.
what happens between age 20-35 is huge and apathy plays a huge role.it can either help or hurt you.in my case it has done both
over the years i have forced myself into the company of others many times but out of 1 in 10 times do i actually somewhat enjoy it.this seems to be something somewhat out of my control.the conversation either clicks or it doesnt.
do i want chicks and a relationship, i cant even answer that but judging from my actions, i dont.when i was your age i played the game like other guys but the end result(sex, one night stands) never was worth the energy put into it.not for me it wasnt.it felt like i was trying to impress others more than doing what i truly wanted to do.
what happens between age 20-35 is huge and apathy plays a huge role.it can either help or hurt you.in my case it has done both
tenuous~hold
Well-known member
i think that would be the hardest part for someone to handle. i mean, if they could understand that you need time to yourself, great. but when someone disappears (with absolutely no communication) for a few days, it can be too overwhelming & confusing to deal with. i think you'd at least need to try to maintain ongoing communication with someone if you wanted to have any type of relationship - becuz it really doesn't take much effort to send an email, a text, or to leave a message...even if you're not "in the mood." but it really all depends on whether or not you really want to have someone in your life. it's so much easier NOT to have to deal with someone - that i understand. i also need so much alone time, so i doubt i'd be very good at any type of relationship either.
^problem with emails or texts/facebook messages is if you are in a relationship with someone, they will want to hear your voice..women especially, they want to tell you about their day and every other thing running through their head and its beyond exhausting for me to take it all in.i have yet to meet a woman that could deal with my avoidance and introversion.
tenuous~hold
Well-known member
yeah, it's all tough. i wouldn't give up completely tho, cuz you're still "young" in relative terms. i know that probably doesn't help, but it's not over yet...