Hi,
Anyone else have the problem of constantly being treated/regarded as a (potential) shoplifter whenever you go into a store? I have had this problem for years, and it has taken a definite emotional toll. I think it's unfair, to say the least, of always being treated this way when I have never shoplifted. I am as honest a shopper as there is, so it kills me to be the recipient of this degrading treatment.
The problem has gotten to the point where I absolutely dread shopping - I avoid it as much as possible (this includes grocery shopping). As if I weren't already enough of a hermit because of my debilitating anxiety and depression - my miserable store experiences have added to my strong inclination to stay housebound. It's pretty sad in a variety of ways - since, in the distant past, I found shopping to be a therapeutic escape (it was something I could do alone, with minimal social interaction; even though I was out in the public, I could remain in my introverted, private world as I shopped). Now, I have developed a full-blown phobia of shopping - thanks to paranoid store employees who, for whatever reason, mistake me for a thief.
Every time I enter a store, I dread the inevitable moment when I will notice something that tips me off that I am under suspicion. I often feel singled out - i.e. - if there are 20 people in an area, I'm somehow the one whom they pick to watch more closely. Part of it may be that I've just become a lot more sensitized to the cues (which can be pretty "undercover") than the average person - but I rarely notice employees "watching" other people...they often seem to bypass other people and focus on me.
Needless to say, this has sharply increased my anxiety whenever I enter a store. In the past, back in the "good 'ol days" when I almost never seemed to face this type of scrutiny, my social anxiety wasn't much of a factor while I shopped (since, as I mentioned above, I could shop with minimal social interaction). But these days, when you have employees who are constantly sizing you up, scrutinizing your body language, and zeroing in on even the smallest signs of awkwardness (which they use to "confirm" their suspicions) - I'm quite "on edge" in stores.
One of the biggest symptoms of my social anxiety is that it causes me a lot of emotional distress whenever I think other people notice my anxiety. So these situations where I know I'm being watched, and where there are people who are primed to pick up on even the slightest signs of any nervousness or "strangness" - are absolutely brutal. I try to hide my anxiety as much as possible - and I really don't think my symptoms are that obvious - but employees who are hypervigilant about spotting "suspicious" people seem to pick up on the smallest betrayal of my struggle. But often, I'm hard-pressed to know exactly why they target me - since my anxiety isn't always detectable.
The examples I could give are endless, but I'll mention a few recent ones:
~I'm in the market for a new computer, and I went into The Sony Store (inside of a mall) to browse different laptops. Within five minutes, I had no less than 5 different employees come up to me to ask me if I needed any help. It was ridiculous - the store wasn't that large, yet all of these employees were coming out of the woodwork to ask me if I needed help (more than one of these 5 people even asked me twice). My understanding of today's "customer service" is such that I know that all of these employees weren't genuniely eager to offer their help - their flooding me with attention was a strategy they employ to make "suspicious" customers feel under the gun. Besides, I picked up on the oddly "observant" vibe of some of these employees.
These days, whenever employees ask me if they "can help me" - I'm very skeptical of the real motives of their attentiveness (especially if it seems that they appeared out of nowhere to ask me this.). In fact, I consider the question an insult, because I know that it's a likely sign that they consider me suspicious. And if several employees approach me with this question within a ridiculously short period of time, all bets are off: I consider it a definite theft-deterrant tactic.
~The other day, I was in Walmart. A few times, I noticed that when I entered an aisle, no employees were present. But within moments of my entering that aisle, employees appeared out of nowhere with a cart of inventory to "stock". It didn't matter that there were sometimes other customers who were already shopping in that aisle - apparently, these other customers weren't "suspicious" enough to require that a theft-deterring employee be present.
~Words cannot describe how maddenly frustrating it is that I've recently noticed this type of "surveillance" in places where you would think would be "safe zones". For example, I was in a store on the 2nd floor of a mall - and I started feeling dizzy, cramped, and fatigued - so I made my way out into the mall to rest on a bench. I sat on a bench where I could see mall vendors on the level below me (the 1st floor), and they could see me. So I was sitting on the bench, trying to rest and minding my own business - when I happened to catch a vendor on the first level staring directly at me. She did not look away when I caught her gaze - she just kept staring at me. Somehow I knew the disturbing reason why she was giving me such a pointed gaze; although I wasn't in a store, wasn't near any merchandise, and was just resting innocently on a mall bench, this employee still considered me suspicious, and she was making sure that I knew that I was seen. Perhaps she suspected that I was sitting on that bench because of some criminal motive ("casing" the mall?), that I was part of some shoplifting "scheme". Perhaps she thought that I was either on my way into a store to steal, or on my way from a store with stolen goods on my person. I was insulted and enraged - I even thought about going down to the 1st floor to make it clear to her that her actions were offensive and based on wrong assumptions. But I knew it would be futile to try to plead my innocence - that I could make things worse by confronting her. (Many employees are trained to think that customers who notice being watched, and are offended by it, are somehow guilty of something.)
I want to stress again that I'm not a shoplifter - or a frustrated, would-be shoplifter - I'm completely innocent of any intent to shoplift. I've just become very sensitive to the various tactics employees use to deal with (potential) shoplifters - I'm a highly sensitive person who has developed a "nose" for noticing when I'm under any type of suspicion.
I'm very upset over this - I just don't think it's right that an innocent person has to deal with this. It's unjustly cruel that something that has caused me so much anguish and debility in my life - my anxiety - is needlessly aggravated and used against me in this manner.
Any advice on how to cope? I mean this is neverending - I can never seem to catch a break when it comes to this. Can anyone relate to this?
Anyone else have the problem of constantly being treated/regarded as a (potential) shoplifter whenever you go into a store? I have had this problem for years, and it has taken a definite emotional toll. I think it's unfair, to say the least, of always being treated this way when I have never shoplifted. I am as honest a shopper as there is, so it kills me to be the recipient of this degrading treatment.
The problem has gotten to the point where I absolutely dread shopping - I avoid it as much as possible (this includes grocery shopping). As if I weren't already enough of a hermit because of my debilitating anxiety and depression - my miserable store experiences have added to my strong inclination to stay housebound. It's pretty sad in a variety of ways - since, in the distant past, I found shopping to be a therapeutic escape (it was something I could do alone, with minimal social interaction; even though I was out in the public, I could remain in my introverted, private world as I shopped). Now, I have developed a full-blown phobia of shopping - thanks to paranoid store employees who, for whatever reason, mistake me for a thief.
Every time I enter a store, I dread the inevitable moment when I will notice something that tips me off that I am under suspicion. I often feel singled out - i.e. - if there are 20 people in an area, I'm somehow the one whom they pick to watch more closely. Part of it may be that I've just become a lot more sensitized to the cues (which can be pretty "undercover") than the average person - but I rarely notice employees "watching" other people...they often seem to bypass other people and focus on me.
Needless to say, this has sharply increased my anxiety whenever I enter a store. In the past, back in the "good 'ol days" when I almost never seemed to face this type of scrutiny, my social anxiety wasn't much of a factor while I shopped (since, as I mentioned above, I could shop with minimal social interaction). But these days, when you have employees who are constantly sizing you up, scrutinizing your body language, and zeroing in on even the smallest signs of awkwardness (which they use to "confirm" their suspicions) - I'm quite "on edge" in stores.
One of the biggest symptoms of my social anxiety is that it causes me a lot of emotional distress whenever I think other people notice my anxiety. So these situations where I know I'm being watched, and where there are people who are primed to pick up on even the slightest signs of any nervousness or "strangness" - are absolutely brutal. I try to hide my anxiety as much as possible - and I really don't think my symptoms are that obvious - but employees who are hypervigilant about spotting "suspicious" people seem to pick up on the smallest betrayal of my struggle. But often, I'm hard-pressed to know exactly why they target me - since my anxiety isn't always detectable.
The examples I could give are endless, but I'll mention a few recent ones:
~I'm in the market for a new computer, and I went into The Sony Store (inside of a mall) to browse different laptops. Within five minutes, I had no less than 5 different employees come up to me to ask me if I needed any help. It was ridiculous - the store wasn't that large, yet all of these employees were coming out of the woodwork to ask me if I needed help (more than one of these 5 people even asked me twice). My understanding of today's "customer service" is such that I know that all of these employees weren't genuniely eager to offer their help - their flooding me with attention was a strategy they employ to make "suspicious" customers feel under the gun. Besides, I picked up on the oddly "observant" vibe of some of these employees.
These days, whenever employees ask me if they "can help me" - I'm very skeptical of the real motives of their attentiveness (especially if it seems that they appeared out of nowhere to ask me this.). In fact, I consider the question an insult, because I know that it's a likely sign that they consider me suspicious. And if several employees approach me with this question within a ridiculously short period of time, all bets are off: I consider it a definite theft-deterrant tactic.
~The other day, I was in Walmart. A few times, I noticed that when I entered an aisle, no employees were present. But within moments of my entering that aisle, employees appeared out of nowhere with a cart of inventory to "stock". It didn't matter that there were sometimes other customers who were already shopping in that aisle - apparently, these other customers weren't "suspicious" enough to require that a theft-deterring employee be present.
~Words cannot describe how maddenly frustrating it is that I've recently noticed this type of "surveillance" in places where you would think would be "safe zones". For example, I was in a store on the 2nd floor of a mall - and I started feeling dizzy, cramped, and fatigued - so I made my way out into the mall to rest on a bench. I sat on a bench where I could see mall vendors on the level below me (the 1st floor), and they could see me. So I was sitting on the bench, trying to rest and minding my own business - when I happened to catch a vendor on the first level staring directly at me. She did not look away when I caught her gaze - she just kept staring at me. Somehow I knew the disturbing reason why she was giving me such a pointed gaze; although I wasn't in a store, wasn't near any merchandise, and was just resting innocently on a mall bench, this employee still considered me suspicious, and she was making sure that I knew that I was seen. Perhaps she suspected that I was sitting on that bench because of some criminal motive ("casing" the mall?), that I was part of some shoplifting "scheme". Perhaps she thought that I was either on my way into a store to steal, or on my way from a store with stolen goods on my person. I was insulted and enraged - I even thought about going down to the 1st floor to make it clear to her that her actions were offensive and based on wrong assumptions. But I knew it would be futile to try to plead my innocence - that I could make things worse by confronting her. (Many employees are trained to think that customers who notice being watched, and are offended by it, are somehow guilty of something.)
I want to stress again that I'm not a shoplifter - or a frustrated, would-be shoplifter - I'm completely innocent of any intent to shoplift. I've just become very sensitive to the various tactics employees use to deal with (potential) shoplifters - I'm a highly sensitive person who has developed a "nose" for noticing when I'm under any type of suspicion.
I'm very upset over this - I just don't think it's right that an innocent person has to deal with this. It's unjustly cruel that something that has caused me so much anguish and debility in my life - my anxiety - is needlessly aggravated and used against me in this manner.
Any advice on how to cope? I mean this is neverending - I can never seem to catch a break when it comes to this. Can anyone relate to this?