Desiring to be violent...

[dpr]

yeah i have, i think everyone gets this at one time or another.

exercise helps decompress these feelings, especially martial arts. it's kind of weird, but the more you know you can completely annihilate someone, the less you want to do it and the more you are willing to put up with their bullshit.

at least that's how i feel.

 

[aboobooboobooo]

I believe I do have a tendency for becoming more violent due to SA. My background in boxing and law enforcement dose not help the situation either.

 

[dpr]

I believe I do have a tendency for becoming more violent due to SA. My background in boxing and law enforcement dose not help the situation either.

Really huh? That is too bad, I feel for you.

Well my advice to you and everyone in this thread is that you should seek therapy. Go to a therapist and don't stop until you find one you like and feel comfortable with.

I'm not suggesting therapy because I think having recurring thoughts of violence means you're crazy. If anything, it means your normal, but obviously are having trouble dealing with something. I'm no psychologist but I'd guess that recurring violent thoughts and the desire to surround yourself with violent imagery definitely stems from some extent of self-loathing, which I'm sure all of us SA sufferers can relate to. . It's not rocket science. You hurt so you want others to hurt.

Everybody deals with these things differently. I think everyone should go to therapy, even people who aren't "messed up," because you learn a lot about your own feelings and why you have them.

One time my girlfriend and I were on the phone, and this asshole (her cousin who she barely knew) picked up the phone and started saying to me "I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend man, I'm putting the condom on right now..." (etc etc). I just told him to fuck off and put her back on the phone, but the more I let it brew and brew, the angrier I got.

Now this kid was only 15 but I was PISSED and it was all my girlfriend could do to talk me down. I was ready to get in my car, kick in her door and drag him out onto the street where I could kick some manners into him. I wanted it SO BAD but she calmed me down.

I told my therapist this, and told him I haven't felt good about it since and that I actually REGRETTED not kicking the kid's ass.

My therapist talked me through what I think would have happened after beating up the kid and made me pay attention to detail. We concluded I would go to jail, my girlfriend's parents would probably think I'm a psycho and not want her anywhere near me, my criminal record would make it hard for me to get a job, worst of all... what if the kid, humiliated and beaten, came back one day with a gun and hurt or killed my girlfriend or myself?

These are things I hadn't thought of clearly in my rage.

Then he asked me why what the kid said upset me. "What do you mean why?" I asked. "He said he was gonna fuck my girlfriend! Complete disrespect to her and me!"

He kept asking me. "And why does that upset you?"

When we got right down to the core issue, it's that it made me feel weak. I felt like, "How dare he talk this way about my girlfriend to me? What kind of weak little pussy does he think I am?"

My thoughts about myself being weak have always been something I've been working on through therapy.

So my therapist helped me conclude that it was not what this kid said that pissed me off, it's that what he said triggered a core belief in myself (that I am a weak person). So really, while it was a stupid thing to say and the kid is obviously a moron (apparently his uncle gave him beer, which may explain his behaviour), it is really ME who made myself angry and it was my own thoughts that threw me into a fit of rage, not the kid's words.

Without my therapist, I would never have figured that out for myself.

 

[striker]

Here's some eastern thinking on it. Do remember the concepts in eastern philosophy are fluid and not fixed as in western thinking.
Anger & any type of violent behavior stems from an imbalance in the 'heat' element in your body.
Excess Heat burns and shows up as boils, rashes, acidity, anger etc
To reduce it you need to avoid eating hot foods and eat foods that cool the body.

Foods to Eat
Milk, rice, beans, steamed vegetables and fruit are good
Mild spices like cumin, coriander and cilantro are particularly beneficial
Coconut oil, olive oil, green coriander, coriander seeds, cardamom, sprouts and raw foods.
Grains : Barley, oats, wheat, parboiled rice.

Foods to Avoid:
Fried foods and spices such as cayenne, garlic and dry ginger,
Stimulants like smoking, alcohol, coffee, pickles, vinegar
spicy foods, fermented foods, curds, almond, corn, til, mustard oil.
Vegetables : Beets, carrots, brinjal, garlic, hot peppers, onions, spinach, tomatoes.
Fruit : Sour and unripe fruits. If there is aggravated Pitta avoid grapefruit, papayas, peaches, bananas, apricots.
Grains : Brown rice, corn, millet, rye.[/b]


Quick Fix to Cool the body:
- Take a 4 teaspoons of Yogurt and add water in a glass. Add salt to taste.

 

[geyser]

I struggled with this a lot when I was growing up. I got into a whole lot of fist fights in my teenage years, even got ticketed for disorderly conduct (I think that was the charge) and had to go to court about it.

I was so depressed, and anger was the only emotion I could ever seem to express. When I think back about some of the stupid shit I would get into a fight over, it really does shock me. I was an asshole to a lot of people who didn't deserve to be treated badly.

I'm 25 now, and I really am a different person. People who meet me today honestly can't believe that I was ever a violent person. I got myself on medicine, got into counseling, and started taking jiu jitsu / kick boxing. I have to say, pounding a heavy bag is the best stress reliever I have ever found. I only wish I hadn't waited until I was 20 to seek help.

 

[lonely_down_under]

Here's some eastern thinking on it. Do remember the concepts in eastern philosophy are fluid and not fixed as in western thinking.
Anger & any type of violent behavior stems from an imbalance in the 'heat' element in your body.
Excess Heat burns and shows up as boils, rashes, acidity, anger etc
To reduce it you need to avoid eating hot foods and eat foods that cool the body.

Foods to Eat
Milk, rice, beans, steamed vegetables and fruit are good
Mild spices like cumin, coriander and cilantro are particularly beneficial
Coconut oil, olive oil, green coriander, coriander seeds, cardamom, sprouts and raw foods.
Grains : Barley, oats, wheat, parboiled rice.

Foods to Avoid:
Fried foods and spices such as cayenne, garlic and dry ginger,
Stimulants like smoking, alcohol, coffee, pickles, vinegar
spicy foods, fermented foods, curds, almond, corn, til, mustard oil.
Vegetables : Beets, carrots, brinjal, garlic, hot peppers, onions, spinach, tomatoes.
Fruit : Sour and unripe fruits. If there is aggravated Pitta avoid grapefruit, papayas, peaches, bananas, apricots.
Grains : Brown rice, corn, millet, rye.[/b]


Quick Fix to Cool the body:
- Take a 4 teaspoons of Yogurt and add water in a glass. Add salt to taste.

lol, Thanks for that. I was born in India, so I know. But east sucks big time. That's why I moved to the West and this philosophy feels best indeed.

 

[Day_Tripper]

Stimulants like smoking, alcohol, coffee, pickles, vinegar

Alcohol is a depressant actually.

 

[ripewithdecay]

The type of people that get me angry fast are lippy people. Like teenagers mostly. Or someone who has a blatant opinion about a deep belief of mine that I care about. Like for example, one time I was walking downtown and this really loud assholish guy was walking around with his chest puffed out yelling out "FUCK CANADA!! You're all a bunch of cocksuckers!!" etc etc etc and then he kept saying "USA RULES!!"
like right in the middle of the city, and nobody was doing anything about it.

and i was soooo angry I was like... man, I need to run over there and attack this guy? like, he can't just get away with this? disrespecting my home?

but anyway... i didn't, i couldn't because I knew that not only would i probably get my ass kicked, i was already being the weak person by getting angry at something so obviously stupid in the first place.

but i think it would have felt better had i been able to sort of just laugh and yell out "Ah shut up, go home!"... you know, like joke with it like it's not a big deal. but of course having social anxiety that was out of the question... so this repressed feeling turned into anger.

 

[Kamen]

I might feel mad and gloomy when I am around people; around many people who are noisy and especially if I notice some of them are looking at me.

 

[Rorschach]

I had a phase in which I wanted to be a famous serial killer... I wanted to kill everybody... don't worry, I'm over it now....

 

[CPA23]

YES! i have.....and its worrying me......I used to be totally passive and harmless.....wouldn't hurt a fly.....people saw me as a "nice" guy.....but of recent years I've been feeling this anger at life boiling up inside me.....and it's starting to spill out here and there.....there's just so much bullshit in life and I keep seeing it so clearly now, and it makes me angry......but it worrys me that I might be turning into some bitter and evil person.....I really hope not.

but one thing I know is that I can totally relate to angry people now.....those "moody" people that no-one likes.....I can totally see how easily life can push a person to these angry places.....there's a lot to be angry about in life.

it's probably not healthy to hold on to too much anger though. I'd best learn to let some go I think.

I totally agree with you on this. I am usually a "nice guy" around people. But the anger boils inside me and when I am by myself I will have these loud conversations about (profanity included!!) about what I should have done in situation that made me angry. You have to learn not to let the anger and frustration control you and turn you into a bitter, evil, unapproachable person. You definitely don't want to be like that and I am trying to work on this myself.

The important thing is not to focus on the negativity (much easier said than done) and focus on the things that make us happy in life. Sometimes I feel like I will lose control psychologically because I have so much anger built up inside from things that happened years ago and I don't know why I keep thinking about them!!