Desillusions after making fresh starts

[Ebbe]

Just a little rant, feel free to ignore me. Of course sympathy and offerings of chocolate and cups of tea would be appreciated too

I am disappointed in myself. Again. Whenever I start afresh somewhere, whether it is in a new job, school, city or even (in this case) a new country, I have so much hope. I imagine myself as a totally different, new, social person. I have lots of energy and make plans for meeting new people. I plan to participate in all possible social activities, and of course I imagine that all of this effort will be rewarded with many friends. Friends that get to see the real me, that I will feel comfortable with and will be spontaneous and funny with, and will like me for being me.
Alas, reality is not like that. After starting my job her, two months ago, I started just like that. I looked for local interest groups, I attempted to talk to co-workers and I even met with someone I met online who was also new in town. Unfortunately, I turn out not to be the bubbly person I am in my head, and am not able to keep a conversation going with anyone. After two months I haven't made any friends. I wish I could go to a Halloween-party this weekend, but no one has invited me. I wish I could do fun stuff with a group of friends.

Is this ever going to get better? I really am a fun person ::
This turned out to be a short rant. Even on the internet I am of few words.

 

[chained]

I have the same problem, but I lost hope about getting good in new social groups, but there is hope.. do u see a therapist... and I understand everything u said, even about the internet... ...

 

[gsmax5]

Just a little rant, feel free to ignore me. Of course sympathy and offerings of chocolate and cups of tea would be appreciated too

I am disappointed in myself. Again. Whenever I start afresh somewhere, whether it is in a new job, school, city or even (in this case) a new country, I have so much hope. I imagine myself as a totally different, new, social person. I have lots of energy and make plans for meeting new people. I plan to participate in all possible social activities, and of course I imagine that all of this effort will be rewarded with many friends. Friends that get to see the real me, that I will feel comfortable with and will be spontaneous and funny with, and will like me for being me.
Alas, reality is not like that. After starting my job her, two months ago, I started just like that. I looked for local interest groups, I attempted to talk to co-workers and I even met with someone I met online who was also new in town. Unfortunately, I turn out not to be the bubbly person I am in my head, and am not able to keep a conversation going with anyone. After two months I haven't made any friends. I wish I could go to a Halloween-party this weekend, but no one has invited me. I wish I could do fun stuff with a group of friends.

Is this ever going to get better? I really am a fun person ::
This turned out to be a short rant. Even on the internet I am of few words.

I can totally relate. The night before I start fresh somewhere, I spend my dreams fantasizing about everyone's admiration of my unmasked self. Even though it seems so probable that all my social fears will go away after my "fresh start", I just end up being the same as I was before.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

id give you choclate and tea!
i went through a period like that too! there is a great way to cheat at socializing, at least one on one. pretend the person your talking to is a book and you want to find out everything about them. very quickly you'll identify a few subjects they wont shut up about. so when ever you see them, bring one of them up!
its instant friends, kind of like instant coffee, not as good as regular, but at least its coffee! i havent figured out how to cheat in group conversations yet. those are trickier. try it though! it really works if your into that kind of thing.

 

[redski]

I honestly wish I could tell you something to cheer you up.
You have friends here, no consolation but hey...

 

[Harleyq]

I can relate with you as well...sounded just like something I'd say/type out.

It's hard to feel so different from everybody else but I applaud you for having the courage to go to an entirely different country AND for successfully landing a job. If you did all that with SA, there's no doubt you have all the ability in the world to show what an awesome person you are. I wish I could tell you exactly how to do that but at the very least I can tell you that you aren't alone and you at least have some interesting life experiences with the changes in culture.

 

[Darker Than Black]

same for me, like the start of high school, I told myself that everything is going to get better. at the same time, my parents and the only "friend" I had was pressuring me into relationships, things didn't turn out the way I had hoped. Then I transferred high schools, and I had the same idea, new school, new start. then not so what I wanted, so I just left it like that, I was on the verge of giving up, and still am..

 

[Nack]

There is no such thing as a 2nd chance... You past will always come to haunt you no matter how much you try to escape it.

 

[Ebbe]

id give you choclate and tea!
i went through a period like that too! there is a great way to cheat at socializing, at least one on one. pretend the person your talking to is a book and you want to find out everything about them. very quickly you'll identify a few subjects they wont shut up about. so when ever you see them, bring one of them up!
its instant friends, kind of like instant coffee, not as good as regular, but at least its coffee! i havent figured out how to cheat in group conversations yet. those are trickier. try it though! it really works if your into that kind of thing.

I like that analogy, because I like coffee
I have tried that approach, and it does work a little, so in general people seem to think I am a nice friendly person, but it never seems to get past that point. If I am totally honest, I have to say that that is also the point where I get frightened and have no idea what to do. I'll try harder next time.

I wish I could tell you exactly how to do that but at the very least I can tell you that you aren't alone and you at least have some interesting life experiences with the changes in culture.

You are absolutely right. I always try to look at the positive things in life, but I am focusing a bit too much on my disappointing social life. There is a lot to be happy about. It is fun to see the world and New York is a very beautiful state in autumn.

invite yourself to a halloween party this weekend, if you know of one, just go to it. Or go to a public place and make new friends, they will all be wearing a costume just like you so it should be a bit less difficult.

I think I will try to find a public party somewhere. I really want to go as Jem (of the Holograms) this year, so I hope I can find a party to crash. I am already getting really nervous while I am writing this. Maybe a little alcohol will make it even less difficult