Depression

[Justlikeme]

So its been a while since I've been here. I thought that I had some of the issues under control or at least they were better.
I have been on medication for over a year now and my depression has gotten better for the most part. Overall I have only had a couple of depression events in the last year, but sadly they have both been in the last month.

I'm just so over this. I don't know what else I can do. Last night I was perfectly happy, laughing and carrying on like nothing was wrong. Today, I can't stop crying. My friends got me to try pot for the first time last night and, I hate to admit this, but it made me really happy and I didn't have a care in the world. Today, I feel like crap and I can't do anything about it. As it is, I'm sitting here at my friends in her room balling like a baby as I write this.

I apparently make people uncomfortable when I'm like this. I can't talk about it because people tell me to just brush it off or don't cry you're a man. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand feeling like this and alienating my best friend. Why am I such a mess and feel worthless?

 

[FriendlyShadow]

So its been a while since I've been here. I thought that I had some of the issues under control or at least they were better.
I have been on medication for over a year now and my depression has gotten better for the most part. Overall I have only had a couple of depression events in the last year, but sadly they have both been in the last month.

I'm just so over this. I don't know what else I can do. Last night I was perfectly happy, laughing and carrying on like nothing was wrong. Today, I can't stop crying. My friends got me to try pot for the first time last night and, I hate to admit this, but it made me really happy and I didn't have a care in the world. Today, I feel like crap and I can't do anything about it. As it is, I'm sitting here at my friends in her room balling like a baby as I write this.

I apparently make people uncomfortable when I'm like this. I can't talk about it because people tell me to just brush it off or don't cry you're a man. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand feeling like this and alienating my best friend. Why am I such a mess and feel worthless?

First off, I'm absolutely appalled that your friends offered you something that is dangerous and practically poisoning your body. You may feel like you're happy taking it, but it's going to get much worse when you're addicted to it. Personally, I think you should try your best to stay away from people who are telling you to stop crying. As for you being happy and the next you can't stop crying, I've had a similar problem like that too. Don't let these imbeciles tell you not to cry because they think men don't do that. There's nothing wrong about guys who cry, I wish most people understood that.

 

[Lavinialuna]

I proposed to my husband while he was crying because it was signal to me that he was being totally sincere with me and was in touch with his feelings. It was enduring.
Don't listen to anyone who tells you that stuff. His father probably told him that same garbage at some point in his life.
I hope you feel better. Sometime a good cry is just the thing.

 

[Justlikeme]

I am doing better today. I'm glad that I had the idea last week to switch days so I could have today off. I don't know what caused my depression to hit yesterday but I do feel better today. I've tried to brush off the things that were said, including the things that lead to a fight with my best friend. This fight happened after the depression had its hold on me for a few hours already and she just doesn't get it.
Things were said on both sided during the fight but I'm trying to brush them off like I said. It wasn't the cause of the depression but it certainly didn't help.

 

[Witty_Name0_0]

I don't know how old you are but i used to be super depressed when i was a teenager. I still get depressed and sometimes frustrated or just a general low.

I just noticed this is my first post so hopefully i get respect because i know that on some forums people just ignore you if you are new, but i intend to post on this forum frequently as it is really nice to talk to other people with social anxiety and just general problems.

Anyway I'm just trying to think of anything that could help or anything i could add but nothing comes to mind...

 

[Lavinialuna]

I just noticed this is my first post so hopefully i get respect because i know that on some forums people just ignore you if you are new, but i intend to post on this forum frequently as it is really nice to talk to other people with social anxiety and just general problems.

Nice to meet you, welcome!

Justlikeme, sometimes we have a trigger that we can't figure out. It could be something you thought, something someone said, it could have been something you ate! I am just glad it's over, and hope you continue to feel better :thumbup:

 

[Justlikeme]

Well I was doing better for a bit. Today is rough. I'm very down and just not feeling like myself. I was talking to my friend and she said something's that make me think and make me sad too. She said she is done trying to help with my issues because it's draining her. She said that I am this strong person who sees their self as weak.
When it comes down to it my best friend is one person who is honest with me, but has had enough. She doesn't get why I am like this and neither do I. What's wrong with me that I hurt the people I love and drive them away? I'm tired of this feeling. I don't want to go back to how I was a year and a half ago when I was considering suicide. Getting past that was a huge accomplishment for me when it came to depression. I want to go forward and not backwards.
Sorry I'm rambling I know.

 

[Lavinialuna]

I wish I could say that everyone had the strength to deal with people with mental issues, but the truth is they don't. Sounds like your friend might be weary of not being able to make a difference in your life. There are people who want to help fix you, and then there are the people who will listen and just be there. Sounds like this person is frustrated- but don't let that upset you. She telling you her limits, and you can't pretend to be happy just to please her. If you wish to keep her as a friend maybe you shouldn't talk about your problems with her for awhile. Fancy her as a friend you talk to if you want to forget about your troubles, and if you need to talk to someone talk to one of us in here, or better yet, get a therapist. I had some friends who didn't understand what I was going through too and I lost some friends, and others took a break. Life goes on.
Try not linger on the thought "something is wrong with me" think more like "this is temporary, depression usually goes in cycles and I will cycle out of it. I can bring small bits of joy into my life today by..." Baby yourself, eat right, and don't give up hope

 

[Justlikeme]

Thanks. I'm trying. Some of my friends are proud of me for reaching out and saying what is on my mind. I just wish my best friend was here to support me. We had this huge fight almost a week ago and have barely spoken since. I just want my best friend back. That would be a good start to getting me back on track I think.
I am trying to find someone to talk to so that I can maybe get to the actuall cause if my problems. I'm so tired. I can't sleep and even a few people at work have asked if something is wrong. it's hard to slap a fake smile on my face right now.

 

[Luckylife]

It would help if you knew what made you fill with depression. I was very upset for several weeks after attending a military parade, it bought back some terrible memories of when a similar parade was subject to bomb attack and many soldiers were killed. But life goes on and you find that although you think about the same thing it doesn't make you quite so upset after a week or two. Unfortunately I had to carry on even when I was at the local shopping mart and pay for stuff with tears streaming.

 

[Justlikeme]

Wow I didn't realize how many typos were in my posts. That's what I get for trying to do it fast from my phone. Anyway, just wanted to post an update. I found a place I can go and hopefully they will be able to help me. It's hard to find a place that accepts my insurance provider so it's great that it's free! Hopefully I like it and it is comfortable for me. It's a step in the right direction.

 

[Lavinialuna]

Good for you. That is what I should be doing (trying out a new therapist.) I'll follow in your foot steps!

 

[Justlikeme]

Thanks. I hope it's a place that I'm comfortable. I'll post back on Monday after the initial visit.