I have thought about this as well. I wonder why; I started very young as well. Maybe because I was really really shy, and spent a lot of time by myself. Without a lot of social interaction, I did a lot of meta-cognition, apparently.
I am really curious to the causes, but any way I have thought a lot about death, the nature of things, and the universe in general.
I agree with the guy that said we aren't meant to think about these things; at least from the view point of our bodies as a physical system, we just need to eat and have sex.
But for whatever reason we have developed big brains, and so here we are.
I used to think a lot about death, simply because I was afraid of it. I was even afraid of sleeping, no joke. I just hated that boundary between being awake, being conscious and suddenly... not. Being in an almost null state. It is that thought, that terror of being alone, being conscious and thinking and an instant venturing into the unknown (or perhaps known; sleep) that scared me.
These days I don't think about it at all. I imagine I was scared maybe because of some OCD or just plain anxiety. Maybe it was the fear of a lack of control.
Quick question; why are you here? Why are you here reading this? This is more of a mind f*** than either most people realize or care to think about it.
You'll find that you probably don't really know. A simple, and perhaps the only correct answer is "I felt like it".
The real answer, in my opinion, is that a chain of events that began perhaps at the inception of the universe has led you here.
It is the sort of question that results in an infinite regression. It is tricky to sort out causation, and perhaps useless to do so; we live in the moment as human beings, not the past, nor even the future.
Any way, the more we scrutinize freewill and 'control', the less we realize we have it. This terrified me for the longest time, but for some reason it doesn't bother me as much, if at all.
The fact is, life as a human just is what it is. My perception over our lack of control might be right, it could be wrong, but I believe my views, even if horrifically realistic, are twisted from the view point of probably at least one anxiety disorder.
So there is really no point in thinking too much about something you cannot control. Of course, this comes as little solace to someone suffering; I know it did little to me.
In any case, some thoughts, 'truths' that help me:
Life is a game. It truly is. There is no physical, no natural laws that suggest that things have to be the way they are. That is the greatest thing about being a human, about having sentient intelligence; we can control our environments (you might be scratching your heads as I just apparently wailed on freewill, but freewill is dicey; maybe 'local' freewill is a better term). We can look at something at work and tell the boss, "This sucks, this needs to be changed". We can elect new leaders. We can help ourselves.
Basically, we can shape the world as we see fit. We are truly gods, in a very localized fashion.
Society has rules, but these rules are weak and change with time. This goes back to life as a game. In other words, don't feel bad about who you are. If you don't like who you are, play the game better. There is literally nothing holding you back.
Live in the moment. It is true that our memories help us, guide us, but remember that they are just that; memories. I don't quite know how memories are formed in the brain, but they are just things in your brain. In a very simplified way, they exist only to provide us with information on threats.
If you remember that a lion always comes out at 4:00PM on that one street, you will change your behavior. You will feel fear. This helps us survive, but unfortunately it can also bring inhibition and anxiety, as in my case.
So knowing all this, it becomes easier to remove the death grip of the past, and try to reshape the future by living in the moment. If good comes, then keep it, just don't become so caught up in the past.
Know the role of emotion.
I don't know much about how the brain works, but several books have lightly touched on the subject of emotions, and I believed them. One view of emotions is that they provide a quick, more primitive snapshot of a large amount of data (memories, sensations). They are quick and powerful, but emotions are just another form of information about our surroundings and perhaps ourselves.
In short, they can lie, they can be wrong, they can be right, but at the end of the day they are just perhaps another form of sense.
My belief is as such; consciousness is, for the most part, equivalent among humans. The only differences is what information is stored in our brains and how our brain processes stimuli.
Thoughts, feelings, even logic are all merely tools being fed into something higher. If this is true, then the game changes; if I feel fear, I realize it may not reflect physical reality. If I feel sad, I try to understand why, try to understand what my brain is trying to tell me.
If the information being fed into my consciousness is faulty or based upon past experiences, I try to consciously ignore it or work with it, knowing that I am essentially being lied too.
Being human is fun
