Dealing with bullies at WORK!

Smurfette

Well-known member
Grr...it makes me mad that some ppl never grow out of bullying. I'd rather be in elementary school sometimes. I wish my co-worker (let's call her Julie) could be humble and get off her high-horse. It's hard enough that I struggle with SA. I try not to show my struggles because I think she would ENJOY that. Anything to empower herself. I almost quit my job because of her once but my boss moved me to another department but I still have to deal with her sometimes. I would LOVE to step all over her pride but as we know with SA that won't happen and I don't do well with sticking up for myself since I usually put my foot in my mouth.

Thoughts? Input? Do you experience this too?
 
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deleted user 1

Guest
I had that at my old job. Was too good to talk to me, I remember greeting him a few times, and got snubbed on every occasion. He also liked to talk every opportunity to talk in his native language, this refusal to speak English around me took away the little communicative power I already had. And he made it quite clear that he was talking about me. Very frustrating. Some people may have better social skills than us, but never ever learn to be decent human beings. I can never understand why people are so defiantly cold hearted towards people who have never wronged them. What more can we do? It's her loss, not yours. What goes around comes round in the end, it always does.

Something I've started to do very recently is plainly tell people who are pushing my buttons to just back off. All that frustration is starting to come out, giving me the impetus to start standing my ground. No matter how satisfying it may be in the moment, I never encourage or strive for aggression though. It's the worst form of communication for everyone.
 

Smurfette

Well-known member
One thing that bothers me is that everyone loves her because she's always laughing and talking to everyone. I can't stand to hear her voice anymore. But it's like I have to pretend I like her so that others won't look down on me. I hate pretending but I do it every stinking day!
 
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deleted user 1

Guest
That is pretty excruciating! So I take it she's one of those Jekyll and Hyde people? In college we had a person like that, for the most part people liked them, but you knew that they were too afraid to say anything to them. I can't vouch for your boss, as I don't know her, but perhaps this is the case with the rest of your co-workers. She vents herself onto you, and nobody will call her out on to it, if they are aware it's happening.
 

KiaKaha

Banned
Bullies at work = weak

Dont even get me started. I have experienced this kind of behavior too from co workers. Unfortunately There are always going be complete dickheads that you are going to have to deal with throughout your life. Dont give her the satisfaction of pushing you around or intimidating you...she doesnt deserve it. It has always annoyed me that total *******s always get the most respect. If I was there I would give her what for on your behalf....
 

Feathers

Well-known member
Sorry to hear about it.

Well, with some people, you need to be snobbish and sorta impress them... (either with clothes/experience/intelligence/some superior info you know, that you drop casually, and it's something that they're really interested in, something that might impress them, or a combination of the above, that's usually different with every individual though)

Also, with some people it helps if you look grim and annoyed (before you actually are), then they actually become nicer...

If it's office politics though, good luck.. It might help if anyone else can give you any info, though you really need to be diplomatic about it and not believe all what others say either.. (There can be like underground efforts for someone else to get your job, or you remind them of someone, or they just need to vent on someone and you're the 'weakest link'... There can be a lot of reasons that may have absolutely nothing to do with you.. Other people before you in your work position may have had problems with that person too..)

Maybe she's in menopause or has husband problems (or lack of one), there can be a ton of reasons.. Sometimes knowing them helps to be more sympathetic to such a person or at least makes it easier to deal with them..
If your boss likes you or you have better education or ideas or you are younger/older she also might be jealous/might feel her job might be in jeopardy.. Or your communication styles mismatch (slow vs quick, or vice versa...) Lots of possible reasons out there..

It's probably best to focus on your outside-work hobbies or interests.. To balance your life..
If the person has had any real comments about your work that you could use to improve quality of work, thank them for it and strive to improve. If it's just drama, well... (Sometimes it's not so easy to tell the difference though...)
Sometimes it's not good to praise that other person too much, it may get to their head.. Just sort of respectful behavior-?
You don't have to like her and she doesn't have to like you, you just need to have respectful behavior to work successfully together..

You could maybe also find some 'carrots'/rewards/consequences - if she behaves nice, you'll do this and this, and if she's rude you'll (walk away or maybe say, 'Is this a bad time? We'll talk later then' or something like that...? Especially if 'later' is less convenient for her? :D Maybe it really is a bad time and she'd be nicer in the morning/at 2pm... and you could set up a better routine..? A friend of mine has often been cranky around lunchtime - she has an eating disorder. After going jogging she's a different person. You could also ask, 'What would be the best time/way to do this?' for what you need to do together..)

You might really need to be a bit careful with any consequences/boundaries, I've mostly done it at home, not at work or such.. Maybe it's better to read any books/articles on assertiveness or such first.. or even go to a workshop or something..

It helps to work on your energy and confidence.. And balance time with her with time with other people.. If you are enthusiastic about life and full of energy it helps to be 'impermeable' sometimes.. (On the other hand, some people 'explode' then and are better off approached grim.. You need to study the person a bit, and see what triggers them or what might 'work'..)

Maybe the book Dealing with Difficult People by Rick Brinkmann and Rick Kirschner could be helpful too, there are other books and online websites about communication and more specifically about bullying too..
 
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punklove

Well-known member
You shouldn't have to deal with that!!!
Trust me on this, such immature behaviour will get her in major sh*t in the working environment.
 

Smartie

Member
God there's no escaping bullies is there! I was bullied all through my school years and to hear about people being bullied at work, well that really annoys me, haven't these scum got anything better to do!

Like someone already said in this thread, bullies are weak individuals and they only act the way they do due to their own insecurities and weaknesses.
 

nafadda

Well-known member
i've dealt with MANY a bully in my life...it use to hurt when i was younger and HAD to deal with them,,now as they say 'live and learn'

if you really want to drive a bully mad..just look at them and say,'yes,EVERYTHING you say is right..now if you are finished,I have things to do",,then just walk away,look back for just a second and say..'oh by the way.'have a nice day'
...hehehehe,,they do so seem to hate that response..

and ALWAYS remember,it could be worse..you could be them,....and just think how much it really does suck to be them..you know they must be misserable inside for whatever reason....;)
 

missjesss

Banned
I know how you feel at my old receptionist job I hated dealing with everyone I was 18 and I got picked on all the time because I was young and the receptionist sometimes I would cry in the toilets.

Was hard enough setting up meetings and being the center of attention.

I think the best thing I could tell you to do is tell s.a to **** off go into the toilets and repeat to yourself 10 times that you can stand up for yourself get yourself all phyced up then go and tell her where to stick it then quit :)

At least you will feel better about yourself xxx
 
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