grapevine
Well-known member
Didnt know where to put this.
Ive had the realisation that (altho I knew) 'Rugs' ( yes the guy I go on and on about - my ex, my friend..) has a delusional disorder of grandeur.
Its quite heartbreaking for me. Having social phobia as many here know, means you cut yourself short socially. At the moment, he is the closest friend I have, the only friend too.
It has gotten better than it was because there have been understandings from him as Ive gotten much better at being assertive. Though he has issues with social dependency from me and it can be stressful.
But my point is that sure I can have a good laugh with him, enjoy the company and have a close friendship and it can seem like he is of sound mind in those times almost.
But then, when he talks about how himself in such grandiose and about how he thinks he has an audience on social media like Instagram and Facebook. That he is an expert at orchestrating his pages. He thinks nobody can keep up with him and they all either admire him or get jealous and want to emotionally hurt him. He def thinks they all watch him. Which means he looks random people up and people he has or does know and tries to find hints of reactions from his posts and changes to his accounts. He thinks he is an expert at it and that he does amazing things within his day, unlike other people. When the reality is so much different to that.
He can't stand being alone with himself which means he is always pressuring me to do things with him and contacting me. He has anxiety about it.
Anyways- I cant have an authentic friendship with him with all these delusions there. Its heartbreaking because he has become so much a good friend now. He does nice things so often and is many times tries so hard to please me.
Ive tried a few times, in conversation when he goes on and on about these delusions of his. It can be really frustrating and Ive questions them to him, which has made him quite mad straight away. Unlike him to be swearing at me. There is just no cognition to his mind on it. He cannot think otherwise on his delusions- other than they are real and that's that. Even when evidence suggests otherwise.
Ill explain calmly and ask the questions like a CBT therapist would. It doesn't end well. Every part of his life is about these delusions that it limits his life so greatly. He thinks by going with walks with him and he religiously takes photos of it so he can put them on his Instagram/Facebook because he does real life things in his day, amazing things and other people supposedly don't. His response is also that he sees me not doing much on social media and uses my social phobia as an example that I dont know people and dont know what Im talking about.
Its so frustrating because I cant just go up to him and say look, Im getting very stressed out and depressed because i cannot deal with your delusions because they become ingrained in my everyday life if I spend that much time with you. I mean that sounds terrible.
But I do get depressed and feel like just giving up on for a day or so to just lie in bed because of it. But then he always constacts me and try to cheer me up and has a laugh and I feel like I just cant even be authentic if I tried. I literally feel like I cannot trust him, him being there for me, his help in things, his friendship because of his illness. If he cant see the logic in so many things- things online and things he does all the time- then I cannot trust his advice or friendship in general as it makes me repelled to think Im going to end up like him and believe in his things.
Sorry this is getting long lol.
I just want to know to deal emotionally myself with these delusions he has because they drive me to so much stress and emotional upset. It feels like I cant be a true friend because I have to hold myself back. Im more truer to others I hardly know than him because I have to tip toe around his illness. It also feels like Im accepting his delusional life by being part of it and that feels like sickening to me. He is so dominant that it can seem like ive lost my identity to his illness which makes no sense at all lol.
Ive had the realisation that (altho I knew) 'Rugs' ( yes the guy I go on and on about - my ex, my friend..) has a delusional disorder of grandeur.
Its quite heartbreaking for me. Having social phobia as many here know, means you cut yourself short socially. At the moment, he is the closest friend I have, the only friend too.
It has gotten better than it was because there have been understandings from him as Ive gotten much better at being assertive. Though he has issues with social dependency from me and it can be stressful.
But my point is that sure I can have a good laugh with him, enjoy the company and have a close friendship and it can seem like he is of sound mind in those times almost.
But then, when he talks about how himself in such grandiose and about how he thinks he has an audience on social media like Instagram and Facebook. That he is an expert at orchestrating his pages. He thinks nobody can keep up with him and they all either admire him or get jealous and want to emotionally hurt him. He def thinks they all watch him. Which means he looks random people up and people he has or does know and tries to find hints of reactions from his posts and changes to his accounts. He thinks he is an expert at it and that he does amazing things within his day, unlike other people. When the reality is so much different to that.
He can't stand being alone with himself which means he is always pressuring me to do things with him and contacting me. He has anxiety about it.
Anyways- I cant have an authentic friendship with him with all these delusions there. Its heartbreaking because he has become so much a good friend now. He does nice things so often and is many times tries so hard to please me.
Ive tried a few times, in conversation when he goes on and on about these delusions of his. It can be really frustrating and Ive questions them to him, which has made him quite mad straight away. Unlike him to be swearing at me. There is just no cognition to his mind on it. He cannot think otherwise on his delusions- other than they are real and that's that. Even when evidence suggests otherwise.
Ill explain calmly and ask the questions like a CBT therapist would. It doesn't end well. Every part of his life is about these delusions that it limits his life so greatly. He thinks by going with walks with him and he religiously takes photos of it so he can put them on his Instagram/Facebook because he does real life things in his day, amazing things and other people supposedly don't. His response is also that he sees me not doing much on social media and uses my social phobia as an example that I dont know people and dont know what Im talking about.
Its so frustrating because I cant just go up to him and say look, Im getting very stressed out and depressed because i cannot deal with your delusions because they become ingrained in my everyday life if I spend that much time with you. I mean that sounds terrible.
But I do get depressed and feel like just giving up on for a day or so to just lie in bed because of it. But then he always constacts me and try to cheer me up and has a laugh and I feel like I just cant even be authentic if I tried. I literally feel like I cannot trust him, him being there for me, his help in things, his friendship because of his illness. If he cant see the logic in so many things- things online and things he does all the time- then I cannot trust his advice or friendship in general as it makes me repelled to think Im going to end up like him and believe in his things.
Sorry this is getting long lol.
I just want to know to deal emotionally myself with these delusions he has because they drive me to so much stress and emotional upset. It feels like I cant be a true friend because I have to hold myself back. Im more truer to others I hardly know than him because I have to tip toe around his illness. It also feels like Im accepting his delusional life by being part of it and that feels like sickening to me. He is so dominant that it can seem like ive lost my identity to his illness which makes no sense at all lol.
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