Dating is Overrated , Social skills are overrated

[JonnyD]

well the last two years were for me learning through trial and error, i in a point now that i wont avoid situations, and will charge head on to places i know will make me feel bad, will trigger anxiety. here are my 2 cents of what i've learned...


nothing is definitive, human beings are so diverse and our mid is so incredably complex we can only set up largely generalistic frameworks, that's why no one can give you advice and everyone does... although there are some advices that will fit many poeple, and they are good, in the end it is up to you you to put what you learn in your own perspective.


Dating... dating is nice, but that's it forget the social status quo, if you don't feel that you need a partner , you don't. Dating is about wanting human contact (if you just want sex , you're just horny...) , i've had two experiences with dating and that was so many to me, i liked the girls , but in the end that was not what i wanted to my life, after a while it felt like work, keeping in touch when i wanted to be alone, and that did hurt me because i no matter how much you think you feel in a diferent way.

Looking back i can say it was worth trying, the experience lift a good burden from me , just don't exageratte you feelings don't be clingy , but be sincere... playing the uncertainty game makes stuff worst. also: you can give some people some thrust, but be careful, you don't need to be a oister , but you also don't need to accept everything from everyone. that's not only for dating its for everything in life really, you don't need to burn your hand for everyone around you, but you can help them not getting burned too.

social skills: they are great, a good interesting talk can make you feel so good, but most of the time it will be fake interest and fake compliments, i like good morning and good night as much as everyone, but saying happy new year to every coworker in a 100 people company is just empty, saying congrats for the women day in a social network IS empty, just social work, social skills are useful but they are not the means for happiness.


to me acceptance is something that makes me very happy, i like my stuff, i'm a nerdy geeky sci fi fantasy philosophing scientific developer and i like it, if people want me to be a party hard chick chaser , they may just bite me...

 

[OceanMist]

Good post. I agree with a lot of it.

How is exaggerating feelings bad? Shouldn't shy people exaggerate feelings so we can look like we have more emotion to make up for that lack of emotion that people like me have?

 

[ChrisN]

to OP


I don't really understand your post? Dating is overrated...do you mean having a relationship or just date?

Social skills are overrated? How so? Social skills is key to good paying jobs and having connection with people. Social skills is extremely important and is not underrated or overrated. It simply is a must and something crucial to succeed in life.

 

[LifeInternal88]

Ye, great post.
I think it's great that you've found what makes you happy; Really.

There is often a huge discrepancy between what we think will make us happy and what actually does.

There are things that our society deems important, but the reality is that people are different - it is just not possible that the same values can satify everybody and it is not our duty to force ourselves to enjoy things if we don't. The good news is you'll live a life that you are satisfied with, and the bad news is externally you may look like a flop because you have not satisfied these cultural standards which can also be depressing since we all have a part of us that desires other peopl's 'approval'.

to OP


I don't really understand your post? Dating is overrated...do you mean having a relationship or just date?

Social skills are overrated? How so? Social skills is key to good paying jobs and having connection with people. Social skills is extremely important and is not underrated or overrated. It simply is a must and something crucial to succeed in life.

I think that he means that he has discovered that these things are not as valuable in his life and experience; not to say that it's not important for everybody.

But ye I get what you're saying. I don't know...I'm always of two minds about everything.

 

[Nanita]

Nice post JonnyD

a good interesting talk can make you feel so good, but most of the time it will be fake interest and fake compliments, i like good morning and good night as much as everyone, but saying happy new year to every coworker in a 100 people company is just empty, saying congrats for the women day in a social network IS empty, just social work, social skills are useful but they are not the means for happiness.

I feel the same especially this part

 

[polishgirl]

Hmmm... I find it hard to reply to this post because in some ways I admire you for this post but on the other hand, I feel like what you wrote is very subjective.

Each one of us finds happiness in different things. You don't need dating or people around you to make you happy, that's okay. And I really am glad you are enjoying your life right now, as it is. I wish I had that.
However, I think the majority of us do need both: dating and social skills. I can't bare the thought of not communicating with someone, not sharing my life's struggles, my triumphs. For me, there is no point in living when I can't be around people. This is what makes me happy.

I just got this impression like this post is some kind of an angry answer. Nobody tells you who to be, be yourself and if what you do makes you happy, you don't have to explain yourself

I just thought of another thing. If social skills and dating is overrated and needless, wouldn't all of us, who have SA be happy with their lives?

 

[AGR]

I dont know, in this year I turn 25 and I have the strongest desire I have ever felt to marry or settle down,just wish I could turn it off,because I wont find the girl for me and even if I find there is a great posssibility that she wont like me....

 

[DrsJacksonn]

Well I certainly agree on the social skills thing, but apparently you're just not normal if you don't like talking to people and trying to get everyone to be your friend.

 

[mikebird]

Really good!

Don't do what you're told.
Get what you want.
Don't get forced into a culture / lifestyle you don't like, or understand.
Listen to ideas and suggestions; take these on board if you like, otherwise ignore.

Personally, I have major problems with epilepsy, since about 2005. I want to decide my own actions. Independancy. I want to take the the risks I want. I don't need help. Legal issues affect my freedom. I won't risk others' lives, but I prefer to risk just my own survival by taking a different pathway.

Fitting in socially, as I did, perfectly, before 2005, is affected by forcing me to eat the pills I take, dictated by 'clever' people who think 'I need help'

 

[sparsilestar]

Shouldn't shy people exaggerate feelings so we can look like we have more emotion to make up for that lack of emotion that people like me have?

I'm not sure the word you're looking for is "shy"...
A lot of shy people I've talked with speak about feeling things more intensely than others seem to.
Of course I'm not saying ALL shy people feel things more intensely, but nor do all shy people feel things less so.

 

[OceanMist]

I think social skills are overrated, because in order to succeed socially one must have social courage and be able to consistently speak up. Once you've established that you are a talkative person, what you say becomes less important as long as you make friends with a person here and there.

It's why you see so many of those loud mouth jerks around that just speak their mind all the time. They do that because they've realized that they can say whatever they want as long as they talk enough because it's the talking enough that gets them personal relationships.

In conclusion, to succeed socially, it's not about skill, it's about talking.

 

[doubtmyself]

I think social skills are overrated, because in order to succeed socially one must have social courage and be able to consistently speak up. Once you've established that you are a talkative person, what you say becomes less important as long as you make friends with a person here and there.

It's why you see so many of those loud mouth jerks around that just speak their mind all the time. They do that because they've realized that they can say whatever they want as long as they talk enough because it's the talking enough that gets them personal relationships.

In conclusion, to succeed socially, it's not about skill, it's about talking.

I think you'll find if "loud mouth jerks" have no listening skills, they will fail at career and keeping the opposite sex interested in the long run!

 

[OceanMist]

I think you'll find if "loud mouth jerks" have no listening skills, they will fail at career and keeping the opposite sex interested in the long run!

Even if that is true, that won't matter because a loud mouth jerk is able to get into so many personal relationships that they can afford to fail in most of them.

It's a case of quantity over quality. Let's say a loud mouth jerk guy fails with a woman, then he knows he has the social confidence to just get another one. He will talk is way into relationship after relationship and will be in more relationships more often than the shy guy that struggles with women(I'm not saying all shy guy struggle with women).

Also, a lot of people don't care about career and long runs in relationships. There are many people that are fine with just having a job that pays them money and having a g/f, even if they are constantly breaking up and getting with another partner or changing jobs. They have that luxury because they know they have the social confidence to do those things.

Being a loud mouth jerk in an interview can be beneficial because it comes across as social confidence which is very important in the employment world.
I've known some loud mouth jerks that hop from job to job and woman to woman, and they were pretty happy.