Dating advice websites don't help me

[A_Void_Ant]

I read stuff on the internet because I thought it would help me muster up the courage to start talking to girls, but the more I read, the more I hated myself, because I realized I would never be that kind of person. One guy's online columns I read said girls aren't attracted to nice guys. He said you have to be mean, yet funny, you have to be cocky. I remember reading something he said like, "Do you remember in high school all those jocks would get all the girls? Do you know why? Because they weren't nice. They were mean. They were cocky." He also says to be a challenge. Make her want you. Yaah, I kind of agree that girls probably don't want someone who's obsessed with them, but why should I have to lie about my feelings! It's just not fair. The society we live in today has created some sort of invisible wall in the love world where it's as if someone has to get past this wall in order to be accepted as a possible romance for someone. If you do one thing wrong, you lose! That's just not fair... See, my problem is I will never be able to get past this wall. I've only had one girlfriend my whole life, and I was a 17-year-old senior in high school just this past year and she was freshman at age 14, and she asked me out in a letter, and she was really soo cute...(I don't know what she saw in me), and I was embarassed but I forced myself to say yes, but after a week she started acting sad, and it made me sad, so we ended it. I felt horrible afterwards. Like it was my fault. I apologize for rambling. I know, this thread doesn't really have a point.

 

[liveevil]

hey bro,

i fed into all that cocky/funny too. its bullshit. there isn't an instruction book on seducing chicks or a line that will guarantee a pick up. In my experience the keys are to not want to be accepted and not be dependent on the other person. i know its easier said than done...but if accomplished these traits can become quite attractive to a female.

any girls out there want to correct me if im wrong...

 

[LibertadIlusoria]

Bullshit. I would NEVER go out with a guy who was mean and cocky.
The girls who would go out with that kind of guy aren't worth your time anyway. Do you remember who the girls that went out with the jocks in high school were? The snobby cheerleaders who also treated everyone like shit.

Of course, this is coming from a girl who has never had a boyfriend or even been asked out...

 

[Thelema]

I have been reading sites for dating tips so I could win the heart of a girl. You see most of the advice is for guys that want to have meaningless sex with a lot of meaningless girls. On the other hand the things they say I believe to be true. I think people with SA don't want to have a lot of meaningless sex with meaningless people. I think people with SA rather find the love of their life. I don't know when this usualy happens for guys but for girls 30 is about the time they start thinking about marriage and a love for the rest of their lives.

I think people with SA appear needy because we don't have a lot of opportunity with the opposite sex so we hang on too that person and that repels men and women like a bad smell.

From my own experience I know girls in their head want you know prince charming perfect guy that is everything but...They would rather have the guy that treats them badly. Why? Lots of reasons. The bad guy not only never looks needy he very well will leave a girl in a heart beat if she doesn't deliver what he wants (sex). The bad guy has confidence and has that I don't give a shit attitude that women LOVE. The girl knows that he can have another girl and dump her in a heartbeat and I think that makes them want him even more. If a nice guy is confident and doesn't appear needy then he can have success like the asshole but where is the line? That charming nice guy could very well turn in to a sex addicted asshole without him even noticing and without women caring all that much. When a woman is finally done with this kind of guy (around 30 or so) their thinking changes. They say they made so many mistakes with the assholes and now they want to settle down with the nice guy. They even will now be turned off by the asshole and would rather have the nice guy but if the line is blurred then she could fall back wih the bad guy. The truth is good guys aren't hard to find at all. But you can't expect to find them at a bar.... The nice guy often becomes the friend because he is always there for her and cares for her deeply and will probably develope strong feelings for her. But in her head he is the friend and if he isn't careful about letting her know his feelings he will push her away! She will be turned off by the idea even if the guy is really what she SAYS she wants. Then the guy is left with the option of losing the girl he loves deeply all together or try to stay the girls friend even if it hurts him deeply inside (I have first hand experience with this). The asshole might look like a caring guy but everything will change becuase he is so sweet just to get in her pants and he really doesn't give a shit about her. There is no black and white between good guy and bad guy.

Women want things like
Not needy
Honesty
Confidence
Love
Caring
Always there for her
Would take a bullet for her
(Notice how much these things a close friend gives her)


They will fall for a guy with this
Confidence
Looking at girls as just sex
Don't give a shit attitude
Don't care about their feelings (they can pretend they do)
Will leave her in a minute

Alright thats enough random thoughts of somebody that is still a virgin with no girlfriend

 

[Kinetik]

You know, one thing I've noticed is that men and women have completely different dictionaries. Women do want nice men, but not nice in the way men think. To a guy, being nice would probably involve buying a woman gifts, leaving her thoughtful notes, taking her out to dinner, that sort of thing. Well, everyone and their dog knows that gets real old, real fast because men tend to go overboard. Now from what I know, "nice" to a woman really does mean nice, but it encompasses a slew of other qualities as well - independance, some healthy distance and respect, consideration for her feelings, exciting her, doing things that spark attraction in her personally etc.

That's just one example, but I'm sure there are hundreds more. We really are two different species.

 

[Thelema]

I think the older guys and girls get the more alike we become. We will eventualy just not want to die alone :wink: You can't bore a girl in to liking you no matter how sweet you are. Tease her and do things she doesn't expect to excite her.

I think honesty is important. When I first met this girl I wasn't thinking OMG a girl is talking to me I don't want to screw up! I just talked to her like a person. I have never tried to impress her or be anything I wasn't. I have shared with her things I have never told anyone else and she has done the same for me and I feel very close to her. Too bad she says we can't be together

 

[albatros123]

a good dating website

check out www.nolongerlonely.com

Its a dating/ friendship website for people going through stress etc- so many people on there are in the same boat or experiancing similar problems.

Its deafantly worth checking out.

Take care,

Be well,

Nat

 

[brad22482]

OMG, I was just recently diagnosed w/ SAD. I did everything you guys are doing. LOL, with no success. I thought I was the only one, the more I read about the more I can relate to people with SAD. Let me give you some advice. You cant buy a girl with gifts, arouse her with a chizeled body, impress her feet with a sports car, or even make her fall in love with you by telling her how much you love her(despite what movies portray and what women say they want) if you never talk to her with confidence "aka not being nervous and consequently making her nervous". I am 24 and have never had a girlfriend in my life (even as I type right now) despite my best of efforts and how much really wanted it. I tried all these things but to no avail. I was honestly suicidal a few weeks ago because I tried all these things with no success and thought I was the only one with my condition (I didnt know about SAD). You first must treat the SAD, because if you dont your not going to talk to girls casually. What you will end up doing, like I have done all my life, is either never say a word to her or you'll finally build up courage to talk her but only come across as ackward because you approach her with same amount of anxiety as you would jumping from a plane.
You'll be suprised when you get treated for SAD how easy it is to talk to females. Hell, I only found out I had SAD about two weeks ago, and been on treatment for two months (I was taking Zoloft for depression) but I have actually noticed how easy it is for me to go up and talk to girls without anxiety. It just happens, I dont force myself, and I dont worry about what they think. I say hello to everyone now, dont avoid people, and find myself casually chatting with very attractive females just by accident. I have never felt positive after talking to girls b/c I would build up so much tension and then force myself to talk to her and she would be uneasy. I would pickup on this and then exaggerate it in my head and feel really embarassed and stupid. This in turn would further kill my self-esteem and reinforce my belief that I am never going to be in love. To me it was alot like jumping out of C-17 Jet in the middle of the night "balls to the walls". This is no way to talk to a girl.
Don't waste your money and time on books, tapes, raised shoes, plastic surgery, gym equipment, and Corvettes (I owned an 85 and now a 99) because in the end they dont work, dont build up your confidence and it leaves you further frustrated. Trust me, I did all the above including plastic surgery and braces.
If your looking for a good book w/ relationship advice checkout Doc Loves "The System" at www.doclove.com but be advised if your not naturally talking to females, it sadly doesnt matter what you do. I only recommend this book b/c he has alot of good advice that might prevent you from getting hurt as badly as I did, as the Doc Love points out "dont mistake your interest level with hers", "dont treat her like a Goddess and shower her with how much you love her" (as your not being challenge and she will think she can do better) and most importantly "listen to your gut, not what your mind is telling you, mixed signals are never good, as a female who is in love with you wont send mixed signals and leave you uneasy, asking other people about what they think and then asking for advice.
Make it your goal and save up your money to treat the Social Anxiety Disorder/Socialphobia before you talk to girls and try to get into a relationship. Next thing you know, you'll be in a relationship without every deciding you are ready to date because it will occur naturally and you wont have to force it.