Dare to be daring. (Advice?)

Eristelle

Eristelle

Well-known member
So I'm thinking of finally pushing out of my anxiety and fear of rejection to ask this one question that must be asked otherwise I can't move on completely...

I'm thinking of asking my friend if he feels that same way. I was thinking about leaving this alone because of "No! You cannot do this! Friends can't be together or it'll ruin everything!" But does it really hurt to ask? If getting rejected means everything will eventually go back to normal again, because whatever happens that's generally what happens with us, what's so bad about asking? If not getting rejected happens, what harm will come to "Best friends dating"?

So moving on, how shall I ask? I was thinking on doing this as a really slow process and a bit of sugar coating, not too rash. He's extremely private with his life. I mean EXTREMELY.. I've known him for seven years and that doesn't mean anything when it comes to how private he is. Sure I may know a bit more than others, but that's not too significant. I'm not even sure if he'll tell me anything, but it's worth a shot.

Oh, and he may make a big awkward deal about it. We rarely hug because everything to him is awkward... I guess it is the same way for me too. xD how should I deal with the awkwardness we may feel? I don't know if he's even interested in relationships. I've never heard of him having any, then again, going back to saying he's really private about that stuff. We're good friends though. I think I'm a valuable friend. :) We hang out a lot. We have a bunch of things in common... Except music. And we care about each other. If I do get rejected... I'm thinking I can finally move on and not let this weigh me down like it has for a while.

So the questions i'm really asking are,
Should I go through with this?
If so, how should I do this?
Is it a good idea?
What's your views on friends dating?
Will being rejected or accepted ruin the friendship?

Thanks for reading. :)
 
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MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Okay, I don't want to put the kibosh on your plans, but I had a bad experience recently with this. My ex and I were friends for over a year before we started dating. We were great friends, actually, always hanging out and going to dinners or the movies or fun places. Once we started dating, we had more disagreements and fights then we ever did. 2 months later we broke up in extraordinary fashion and now she won't talk to me at all.

From best friends to nothing, in the space of 2 months.

HOWEVER, this doesn't happen to everyone, and maybe I was just unlucky in this situation. If you really feel like you want to get together with this guy, ask. It's better to know, rather than not knowing. I hope you get your wish. :)
 
Eristelle

Eristelle

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
Okay, I don't want to put the kibosh on your plans, but I had a bad experience recently with this. My ex and I were friends for over a year before we started dating. We were great friends, actually, always hanging out and going to dinners or the movies or fun places. Once we started dating, we had more disagreements and fights then we ever did. 2 months later we broke up in extraordinary fashion and now she won't talk to me at all.

From best friends to nothing, in the space of 2 months.

HOWEVER, this doesn't happen to everyone, and maybe I was just unlucky in this situation. If you really feel like you want to get together with this guy, ask. It's better to know, rather than not knowing. I hope you get your wish. :)
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No. This happens to a lot of best friends. It frightens me a bit to know that might happen.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Eristelle said:
No. This happens to a lot of best friends. It frightens me a bit to know that might happen.
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My best friend and his ex remained good friends after they split recently (although I think they're still having sex...) so it goes to show it can happen if there's a level of maturity involved.

It depends on how much it frightens you if you want to go through with it. Before my ex, I asked out another friend of mine, and she rejected me, but we became even better friends after that (strangely enough). So...I'm not sure. It's a coin toss. :)
 
Eristelle

Eristelle

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
My best friend and his ex remained good friends after they split recently (although I think they're still having sex...) so it goes to show it can happen if there's a level of maturity involved.

It depends on how much it frightens you if you want to go through with it. Before my ex, I asked out another friend of mine, and she rejected me, but we became even better friends after that (strangely enough). So...I'm not sure. It's a coin toss. :)
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I agree.. Whatever argument we have we're okay the next day.

Well even if it does frighten me, and I get rejected, I'll be able to move on. As long as I can move on that's fine.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Eristelle said:
I agree.. Whatever argument we have we're okay the next day.

Well even if it does frighten me, and I get rejected, I'll be able to move on. As long as I can move on that's fine.
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If you feel you'll be able to move on, then I say go for it!

That's even if he rejects you, which I hope he doesn't. You deserve some happiness! :D
 
Sartana

Sartana

Well-known member
I say dive right in and go for it. The waiting and dragging things out can cause pretty bad anxiety, but if you just go right ahead and ask it's a massive load off of your mind. I think friends dating is fine too, I see too many relationships around me these days where the two clearly aren't friends, just partners and that's sad.

I do say this only ever having asked once though.
 
Eristelle

Eristelle

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
If you feel you'll be able to move on, then I say go for it!

That's even if he rejects you, which I hope he doesn't. You deserve some happiness! :D
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If I got over someone cheating on me and never loving me in the first place, I think I can move on if i'm rejected. :)

We can only hope. The purpose is to stop dwelling.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Eristelle said:
If I got over someone cheating on me and never loving me in the first place, I think I can move on if i'm rejected. :)

We can only hope. The purpose is to stop dwelling.
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That's awful, but yes, I'm sure you could handle it.

Make sure you let us know how it goes if you do go through with it. :D
 
Eristelle

Eristelle

Well-known member
Sartana said:
I say dive right in and go for it. The waiting and dragging things out can cause pretty bad anxiety, but if you just go right ahead and ask it's a massive load off of your mind. I think friends dating is fine too, I see too many relationships around me these days where the two clearly aren't friends, just partners and that's sad.

I do say this only ever having asked once though.
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It really will be a relief for my mind. :) yeah but, a bunch say it's terrible to date your friend because it ruins the friendship. I think it's a good thing, like you said. Partners should be more than partners. :D
 
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