cutting off an accidental friend

[B.Maria]

Hi, Ive just joined and desperately need some advice.

I have accidentally made a friend. He gets the same bus as me in the morning, and started talking to me when we were waiting at the stop. Then he asked for my number (after a few weeks of chatting). I grudgingly gave it to him (as I hate having to communicate with someone all day). He has been texting me every day for about 3 weeks now.

It wasn't too bad at first as I was revising for exams and could use that as an excuse not to reply and not to go out. But as soon as the exams ended I agreed to go to the cinema with him and to lunch the week later.

Now I was my normal quite/ untalkative self, and people usually leave me alone after the brief fascination they have with the "weird, quiet, intelligent type". But he wont give up, and keeps trying to get me to open up to him. When he texts me, I feel like I'm being interrogated! I cant cope with normal relationships, let alone one where someone keeps hounding me and trying to be my best friend.

Usually I would just ignore an annoying person until they get the message to leave me alone. But he has had a really bad time of late, and I feel sorry for him, also he gets the same bus as me... I'm really stuck here. I don't know how to deal with people's emotions, and don't want to upset him!

 

[Remus]

Sounds like he's after more than friendship. Don't worry about his feelings, worry about your own.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

He sounds like he has a great amount of interest in you (which may or may not be a good thing). However, acts of pity won't solve this. Being someone's "pity friend" is pretty much a kick to the face (which I can tell you by experience). If you don't want him to be your friend, then tell him so. If he doesn't get it, then show him by avoiding him and being very terse and taciturn in your responses to him (don't be a jerk yet, but little kindness). Any further than that goes to harassment, which the authorities can deal with.

But, first, a question. Do you hate him? Reading your question gives me a nagging feeling that you're just pushing him away. If it's just calling too much or feeling interrogated by his questioning, then tell him so and ask if he can not call so much/ask so many questions. But, is he doing something wrong or bad to you?

 

[B.Maria]

No he isn't doing anything else bad. Its just that I don't like having friends. I like the people from college, as we can just chat before/after lessons and that is it. I don't like having to socialize so often. Its just sad because he is a nice guy.

Thanks for your responses, they were very helpful. I think the best thing is just to tell him in as kind a way of possible. I'm just trying to avoid it by seeing what other options people could think of. ::

 

[dyingtolive]

its hard that u have the same bus for what u want, is there any way to go to another bus?

i dont know the whole story but i feel sorry for the guy as well lol
coz as u said nice guy.. he too was forced to be in the bus with you so u guys really had not much choice but to get to know each other and stuff..

if u guys are so used to being around each other, that maybe will make it easier to be open about ur feelings and making him understand and being firm in a kind way..

like, hey u know ur a nice guy but i really am not a bff type person. i appreciate it but i hope u understand that i also really enjoy being alone. i enjoyed talking to u and knowing u and i appreciate you as a person and a friend but if u can respect me pls understand that i prefer to be alone its just my nature..

have no idea if that would work.. but thats what i would do if thats me

 

[Srijita52]

I'm in the exact same situation with a friend who's constantly pushing me to open up to him. I understand that he's a nice guy but his behaviour is disturbing you.
Maybe you can tell him politely that its bothering you. If he still continues to do so though be firm and tell him to stop. I know it'll be hard but sometimes you've to such things for yourself.

 

[Sartana]

Sounds like he's after more than friendship. Don't worry about his feelings, worry about your own.

Maybe he is, but that's no excuse to not care about hurting his feelings unless he's being really creepy.

If you're not interested OP then let him know.

 

[B.Maria]

Hi all.

Thanks so much. I have took your advice and let him down easy. He seems to be taking it well, but will have to see what happens in the long run.