Could I have Asperger's?

[Apotheosis]

I'm not entirely sure how to approach this; I'm awful at asking people for help (I think of myself as a mental DIY project)

I'll give you a bit of background as the information comes to me: I originally came here because I had been diagnosed with social anxiety and given meds (which never worked, more on this later). I also have major (extreme) depressive disorder and these two things were essentially destroying my social functionalities.

Yet as I posted and read these forums, I was learning more about myself (thanks guys! ) than I had when I was interacting with noone at all. As I see it now, I don't have social anxiety. Sure I can get nervous around new people but I don't experience crippling waves of panic or any severe function-impairing effects, I'm just a little shy meeting someone (which i think most people are). THE POINT is that overall I'm incredibly confident, I believe in myself and my capablities, I'm hopeful for the future (though my past is pretty well ****ed - ah well; don't do drugs, kids). I understand myself and my habits and blah blah - but that's where it ends. Isolated, I am a perfectly functional unhappy person.

But when you involve more people, those mental equations for behavior come crashing down as the variables increase. One on one, I can charm a girl's panties off in a new york minute (if I want to )but around groups I just sort of shut down. I feel like theres no purpose talking when I can't contribute usefully or to the people I want to talk to. The transfer of information is much less efficient so there's no point in continuing to talk.

On nonsocial habits... I'm a perfectionist. Very, very much a perfectionist. If I write or paint something that doesn't look how I desire it to be then it gets scrapped in a heartbeat if I can't save the piece. Like on that art challenge, I couldn't stop thinking about my post until I went back and revised it again.

I do notice patterns. I'm not sure if i can give you an example its just stuff like... well look at the text in the space between lines. I'm looking at an images created by the texture of space in between characters... It's hard to explain but I see a physical image in the text. But that could just be me being weird. Most people see faces in clouds and things like that so... I'm not sure this one relates particularly.

As for appearance.... I always have black bags beneath my eyes because I have extreme insomnia (I will go for days without sleeping, even on medication). Other than that, completely normal, if a bit tall. I don't think Asperger's has any visual symptoms.

I'm not sure what else I should add... I'm not Einstein but I'm very good with numbers. My writing is greatly influence by an attention to pattern and flow in the progress of the speech. And when I write, my mind focuses on rhythm and precision in carefully choosing words to embody what I want the work to show. If even one word feels ineffective or out of place, I will completely rewrite that line. I do this even when I post inconsequential things (I'm trying not to, but I keep going back and editing/revising my statements)

Based on what you have seen of me in my posts and art and other random bits connected to me. Do I show symptoms of Asperger's?

I don't know much about the disorder, only that its a type of autism and my doctor is considering it as a possible diagnosis instead of anxiety. Depression still stands though

If anyone knows more about the condition or has other comments for me, please advise. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Edit: My friend tells me that Rainman isn't a good example. That Aspies are basically normal, they're just wired differently and react differently to certain situations... which I guess I do. I don't like to shake hands or greet people but I do it because I've been told to. Oh and bright sunlight hurts my eyes (maybe I'm a vampire!). I just don't know enough to tell... I guess that's what the doctor is for.

 

[Bittersweet]

If you haven't already, check out Asperger forums as well as youtube. I've seen several video journals by people with Aspergers.

Hope that helps you get started.

 

[Josette]

What I've always heard about those with Aspberger's is that they don't pick up on social cues, which doesn't really match up with your ability to charm women. I'm no where near an expert though.

One person I know of in RL who has it just doesn't respond how I would consider 'normal' (though I hate that word) in conversation. He responds in unexpected ways and I honestly feel like I'm talking to someone from another planet with him.

Maybe you're just an introvert? Shyness and introversion don't always go hand in hand. Your description kind of reminds me of my friend L. You could be a non-shy introvert like her. She's the least shy person on the planet but the larger the group of people, the more she shuts down.

 

[Apotheosis]

Well the odd thing about me in social situations is that I don't really act on instinct. When I was little I had issues talking to other kids so I kind of observed them and copied how they act - their mannerisms, speech patterns, and so on - so that I could actually interact. (there's a reason I joined Theatre; I'm a damn good actor on stage and off)

I've sort of formulized my average conversations with a set of rules (like always approach new people with a strong handshake and introduction, when to laugh at jokes, what is appropriate to laugh at, what is appropriate discussion, etc.). The only people I would consider my friends are those I can actually act like myself around. Coincidentally, I have no friends - just lots of acquaintances.

Edit: Maybe I ought to post a video of me talking to show what I mean.

 

[Remus]

You'd really be best seeing a professional for a diagnosis rather than asking an online forum to diagnose you. Based on what you said, something does seem amiss. Tell your Doc your story and see what they say.

 

[Apotheosis]

My doctor is the reason I'm asking ::

Not looking for a diagnosis, just hoping someone may know more than I about official definitions. I don't particularly trust wikipedia or those silly online tests.

 

[Remus]

Yeah I know, I presumed you were talking about a GP's diagnosis and not a shrinks.

 

[Josette]

Well the odd thing about me in social situations is that I don't really act on instinct. When I was little I had issues talking to other kids so I kind of observed them and copied how they act - their mannerisms, speech patterns, and so on - so that I could actually interact. (there's a reason I joined Theatre; I'm a damn good actor on stage and off)

I've sort of formulized my average conversations with a set of rules (like always approach new people with a strong handshake and introduction, when to laugh at jokes, what is appropriate to laugh at, what is appropriate discussion, etc.). The only people I would consider my friends are those I can actually act like myself around. Coincidentally, I have no friends - just lots of acquaintances.

Edit: Maybe I ought to post a video of me talking to show what I mean.

That actually reminds me of myself. I'm always observing social behaviors and trying to imitate it since it doesn't come naturally.

Does this sound like you? Impaired social reactions are a key component of Asperger's syndrome. People who suffer from this condition find it difficult to develop meaningful relationships with their peers. They struggle to understand the subtleties of communicating through eye contact, body language, or facial expressions and seldom show affection towards others. They are often accused of being disrespectful and rude, since they find they can’t comprehend expectations of appropriate social behavior and are often unable to determine the feelings of those around them. People suffering from Asperger's syndrome can be said to lack both social and emotional reciprocity.

Again, I'm not an expert. But that paragraph exactly describes the guy I know in RL who has Aspberger's.

 

[Apotheosis]

That actually reminds me of myself. I'm always observing social behaviors and trying to imitate it since it doesn't come naturally.

Does this sound like you? Impaired social reactions are a key component of Asperger's syndrome. People who suffer from this condition find it difficult to develop meaningful relationships with their peers. They struggle to understand the subtleties of communicating through eye contact, body language, or facial expressions and seldom show affection towards others. They are often accused of being disrespectful and rude, since they find they can’t comprehend expectations of appropriate social behavior and are often unable to determine the feelings of those around them. People suffering from Asperger's syndrome can be said to lack both social and emotional reciprocity.

Again, I'm not an expert. But that paragraph exactly describes the guy I know in RL who has Aspberger's.

It sounds very similar, though I don't know about emotional reciprocity. People have said that I have a cold demeanor, but I know for a fact that I can care powerfully for other people.

I dunno. The whole thing is kind of over my head at the moment. Something like that would explain a lot of my difficulties, but I'm not sure how to feel about it (oh the irony).

I don't know what to think, and not knowing bothers me, very much so.

 

[ciel20]

Hmmm.... I'm not sure (as a random person on the Internet diagnosing you off one post). You might have a mild case. But some stuff -- eg

On nonsocial habits... I'm a perfectionist. Very, very much a perfectionist. If I write or paint something that doesn't look how I desire it to be then it gets scrapped in a heartbeat if I can't save the piece. Like on that art challenge, I couldn't stop thinking about my post until I went back and revised it again.

That's not really Asperger's. I know psychologically healthy people who are like that.

It's easy to read about a disorder and think you have it (I've done it many times). If you're really worried, you should see a doctor for a proper assessment.


...That said, here's an online test! Aspie-quiz

 

[carecrab]

(though my past is pretty well ****ed - ah well; don't do drugs, kids).
[/I]

whoops too late.

i dont think you have it, you seem to be good at talking, well on the SPW anyway
did you check all the symptoms?