Coping with loneliness

[Steppen-Wolf]

It's been four years since I parted ways with the only person I've been truly emotionally attached to.

In those four years I have made great progress in my quest to overcome this disease, yet the challenges ahead remain many and scary.

The great irony of my case is that any progress I've made, far from making me less lonely has just isolated me more and more. Somehow I stopped living in the fantasy world that allowed me to get close to a few people. Now I live in reality, the reality where so far I'm totally unable to form even the most basic emotional connection with anyone. And the years of loneliness after experiencing true closeness have left chronically impatient.

Now it doesn't matter who could appear in my life, my frustration has accumulated for so long that I couldn't wait, I would just rush to somehow form that amazing emotional bond that I want so much. But human relationships don't work like that, and my apparent desperation would only guarantee the failure of such endeavour.

Sadly for now being alone is my only option. But being alone is not really a bad thing, the real problem is being lonely. As it has become a black hole in my life, I can't think of anything else but to somehow find someone to fill that hole, turning me into little more than an addict that can't get high anymore.

I only want to find the strength in myself to face this difficult time with dignity and keep improving in the hope of reaching a better future.

My advice to any of you dealing with loneliness is to be strong... I know it's very easy to say it, but the cold truth is that life doesn't owe us anything and is up to us to find the solution to our peculiar problem. Noone else will do it for us.

 

[lonely_drummer]

My advice to any of you dealing with loneliness is to be strong... I know it's very easy to say it, but the cold truth is that life doesn't owe us anything and is up to us to find the solution to our peculiar problem. Noone else will do it for us.

I completely agree with that

 

[theslowesthand]

I've been struggling with, for the past ~20 years, maybe not loneliness, but the feeling of being stranded & lost, totally alone, in a cold, barren, deserted, icy-cold landscape (say, north/south pole, or in middle a huge desert at night). And it has developed into loneliness from time-to-time, esp nowadays (am older).
In the past few days i've been getting lonely, so yesterday i took my depression & anxiety pills, and today am feeling better. Yesterday i could sense the familiar start of my "sinking down" into depression, which is why i took my pills. Should be taking EVERY day, but i forget, can't be bothered, too tired, etc (have ATTROCIOUSLY low energy levels most of time).

Anyway, due to the "flip-side" of such suffering, being able to learn things from it, i came up with a few new tid-bits of widom you could say. I think from ALL suffering, there are lessons to be gained/learned.

So for what it's worth, here are some things i arrived at yesterday, during my loneliness...
(Note: The below contains a lot of "personal gobble-de-gook", so if you're not into gobble-de-gook, then don't read below! lol)

• Kind of poem:

Talking to myself, again
In hell
Pain

• The VOICE of a person (incl yourself) is the "mainifestation" of that person's mental, emotional & physical beings. BUT that voice is NOT "alone"; it is NOT a single, separate entity (it is a composite of at least 3 (above) entities/beings). And the voice is NOT "who you are", same with mental/emotional/physical beings, but is a TINY FRACTION of the massiveness of your being. It's just that, we humans tend to see things from these lowest 3 places - mental (thoughts), emotional (feelings), physical (senses) .. which therefore LIMITS us to only seeing what those "perspectives" can "see" or "comprehend"

For the following, i am borrowing the "cone" idea (from metaphysics):

[U]As seen from MENTAL (conscious mind), "self" APPEARS as[/U]

 \     / mental/emotional	(shallow/surface/apparent)
  \   / body
   \ / spiritual		(deepest; & APPEARS to be "smallest" part)

[U]And from PHYSICAL (senses), it APPEARS as[/U]

 \     / body			(shallow/surface/apparent)
  \   / mental/emotional
   \ / spiritual		(deepest; & APPEARS to be "smallest" part)

[U]For MANY people i suspect it's just[/U]

  \   / body			(for doers/physical types)
   \ / mental/emotional

&

  \   / mental/emotional	(for thinkers/mental/emotional types)
   \ / body

[U]..but if thinker, then more likely to be[/U]

 \     / mental/emotional
  \   / body
   \ / spiritual

[U]CORRECT/TRUTH (according to metaphysics model)[/U]

\       / ... (etheric,etc)	("largest" part)
 \     / spiritual
  \   / mental/emotional
   \ / body			("smallest" part)

(ie although body seem the "biggest" element of us, that is simply due to seeing things from the PHYSICAL/SENSORY perspective, which IS true i guess for THAT being, but not true overall)

• At the time, i had this vision & wish of being thrown into the Sun, & of course my body & life being completely annihilated, becoming ONE with all the other atoms of the Sun, & eventually with universe .. completely losing my "separateness" with the universe

• Life on Earth does seem to often seem "perfect", so when one does suffer, i find it really hard to comprehend HOW it is that i'm in "hell", YET at the same time being in "HEAVEN". The reason i think, is that "hell" is of the MIND/THOUGHTS/FEELINGS, and (my) "heaven" is of the PHYSICAL world (many good/nice things in it; seldom am i in "heaven" in my mind). So its like us having several different "beings" coexisting all at once, but our conscious/logical minds want to categorise/simply them into just ONE being - "me" (or "him, or "her"; usually via formal name). So it may seem perfect physically-wise (ie heaven), but is BAD emotionally/spiritually-wise (ie "hell"). Our physical/sensory self may be "happy", but our emotional/spiritual selves are "very unhappy". So, one is BOTH SIMULATNEOUSLY in heaven & hell - hard to comprehend (i haven't yet), but true i think. So as (currently) a final step to help me "get" this, i created the idea of the "heaven/hell ratio". Ratio being "grey", thereby escaping from the "black/white" thing.
Just a very rough, first estimate (& applying just to the mental/emotional, not physical world; & by "heaven" i mean "feeling okay", & "hell" is "not feeling okay"): 30% heaven, 70% hell (this means, 30% of waking hours "feeling okay", & 70% "not feeling okay" .. and is irrespective of the heaven/hell ratio of the physical environs)

 

[Akingofcircle99]

I think I experienced (or am still experiencing) the same thing. In response to being lonely I would attach to anyone who showed interest in being friends with me, which would scare them and then I would lose them. I don't think I'm over it but it has gotten quite a bit better. PM me if you would like to talk to me about it.