Complements... Conceited... What else?

[RedRibbons]

This is hard to explain... Without sounding conceited, or self-centered. Hell making this thread seems self-centered, which, in a way it is, because it's about a problem I have. -.-

ANYWAY! I find it highly stressful receiving complements from people, often. Also, when people focus their attention on me. I feel like I need to complement them back (most of the time i don't care for complements, they're mostly superficial anyway, unless someone is complementing you on your intellect or something!). Complementing back with a 'your hair is pretty' feels so lame, and forced. Anyway! And I try to divert the attention away from me, to them, but I find it difficult.. Maybe because I am a generally closed person??? I don't know what to ask???? I expect them to talk about themselves????

On top of that.. There are certain people that I naturally want to know more about, and have an easy time asking questions, but then... I run out of questions... Or SOMETHING... And then it turns back to me me me.. What the fuck?!!?! I don't know how to stop this shit.. And that focus going back to me me me turns into externalized ocd issues (I think, at least something of that nature).

And I stop even caring about putting the effort into learning more.. WHAT'S THAT? Being social requires too much effort sometimes. Why?? Am I an asshole for that?? For just wanting to be alone, because it's easy?? But at the same time I don't want to be alone, cause it's sad and I just want to be loved and to love someone???

Argh. Does anyone know what I mean? Can anyone give some advice? What is this shit... This is random.. :/ I hope someone gets it. And people don't misinterpret me, or decide that I'm a jerk-asshole who deserves nothing. :?

 

[Generical]

oop pretty much those exact throughts run through my head nearly every day lol, the only thing that really helps is thinking screw it i don't have to say anything...i mean i don't have to continue the small talk etc. just let stuff flow (ha can't believe i said that).

I usually have loads of trouble talking to select people i work with, they're generally my age and just talking to them is such an effort. So instead of fretting over saying something generic like 'how was your week?' i just calm the hell down and wait for something actually interesting to pop up so i just go ahead and say it.......i rarely think about what i'm saying anymore totally due to the fact if i did it'll take me an hour to say it in a way that is 'perfect' or whatever.

Anyways i'm sure a load'a people are doing the same things and it probs is the good old obsessive over analysing crap that we're all pros at, so i pretty much just think meh i'm not being an asshole if i don't have anything to say.....if they think you are one then they just plain don't know you.

yeaahhh?? did any of that make sense?.....meh im done

 

[bleach]

And I stop even caring about putting the effort into learning more.. WHAT'S THAT? Being social requires too much effort sometimes. Why?? Am I an asshole for that?? For just wanting to be alone, because it's easy?? But at the same time I don't want to be alone, cause it's sad and I just want to be loved and to love someone???

Thoughts like this have been tearing my life apart for years. That is the crux of the problem with social phobia, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[recluse]

I'm with you there redribbons; Making conversation is such an effort for me. Before going into work o'r meeting someone i run through my head what i am going to say, and how i am going to answer, as if i am making a script in my head in a sense and it's fucking tiring and frustrating!

On the whole i find small talk fucking pointless but it's something that people find ''normal'' i suppose. I've noticed that a lot of people get uncomfortable after a few minutes silence, whereas i would have no problem staying silent all day. 95% of the shit that people talk about is irrevelant bullshit anyway and a waste of energy.

 

[scorpion]

Yeah, small talk is absolutely agonizing painfull.
One time i went to a party and my friend was always like: Talk, talk talk to people, but i just couldnt. All that crap whith no porpuse, i just wanted to leave. Wend a left it was like a ton was lifted of my shoulders.

Small talk is crap

 

[ghostpicnic]

I think you stop caring is a way of your psyche trying to cope with the anxiety by balancing it out.

Though the other person might be interested to talk when you ask questions about them, you need to talk about yourself too for yourself to be acknowledged.

It's hard to explain; it's like an invisible rule of thumb... In my opinion, people automatically lose much interest in someone who does not express themselves. Like someone who tries to make themselves invisible really do pull it off sort of thing. Maybe even the whole "you can't love someone if you can't even love yourself".

 

[ghostpicnic]

On the whole i find small talk fucking pointless but it's something that people find ''normal'' i suppose. I've noticed that a lot of people get uncomfortable after a few minutes silence, whereas i would have no problem staying silent all day. 95% of the shit that people talk about is irrevelant bullshit anyway and a waste of energy.

I agree with you but I also like small talks. I think we are considered too "serious" and not everyone enjoys being serious all the time, hence the small talks.

I think people are afraid of silence because they are insecure. I think the times that silence are welcomed are when with someone who is completely content with oneself, or someone who you know well.

Maybe everyone needs to chill out.

 

[RedRibbons]

Thanks for all the feedback guys. It feels really bad to have these feelings. It feels, not like a panic attack, but just an overall lump inside of me. A lump of frustration, sadness, blockage, anxiety, and... just makes me want to scream it all out. Get it out of my mouth, my mind... Thanks again guys.

 

[IWouldPreferNotTo]

When someone compliments you, just thank them and move on.

 

[coriander1992]

I understand what you mean...I think people are just too much effort full-stop! :lol:

It's like if I purposely sit alone in a class at school, somebody always comes over and sits next to me...probably thinking they're being nice and not realising that I really don't want them there!
I reward them for it by totally ignoring them, it works! :roll: