Commitment phobia.

[jonas89]

okay Im going to talk about two parts here that I have troubling with.

I have always been captivated by this when I really want to start a relationship.
I dont find it hard to talk to women or to get to know them, but as soon as they get to close or want to start something I just start to feel really anxious and kinda afraid because I have never been in a relationship, and in the end I just push them away and don't want them to get near my. ( it bothers me really when i do this )

The other part is that I have been talking to this girl who lives in another country for about 5 months or so, we talk like we have known each other for a long time and we really do like each other a lot and care about what we have building up and we really want.
But here is a part that Im unsure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
I talked about I was maybe able to meet her in next month for a few days and she told me about something about herself that I didn't knew. She is held of commitment phobia because she has been screwed badly over later in her life.
And she talked about if someone gets too close she tend to push ppl away ( like what I do ) but she said that she wanted me to know because she really cares about me and she wanted me to know about this so I can be aware of this.
So like last two days I have been quite worried like this is some kinda a rejection or a thing that is to make us know each other better so we wont push each other away from us.

Im just curios what others think what this means, I know inside that this is a good thing because she said she is not open, but by telling me about this and she wanted me to know so I can be aware of that difficulty.
But somehow Im telling me like this is a bad sign I dont know why Im doing that..

just curios what other think what this could mean??

 

[Lea]

What happens is that in order to decide you want a relationship you have to meet and see how you like each other, no? How can you decide beforehand? I think it´s natural, she wants you to count with the possiblity that she might not like you ::. In case she doesn´t, she will blame it on commitment phobia.

 

[shakethelight]

I do this too. I've been hurt in my past relationships so I now I tend to get involved with guys who are emotionally unavailable or I push people away who I know I could get attached too. I think because she told you that she does this when she starts to get close is a good sign. If she starts to push you away maybe she wants you to push back. Like she is subconsciously testing if you'll stick around.

I hope everything works out.

 

[jonas89]

^^ thank you both for the reply..

now Im starting to worry that she is pushing me away, but I dont know because I think it's just more what I think more then what is actually happening.
The only connection that I really have with her is through fb or msn, and lately we haven't talked much which is sooo weird for me at least because we talk everyday.
Maybe it's because she is so busy with work and she told me once that she havent been really good and then she went offline quickly after.

I just cant stop thinking about whether if this is the end of a really good friendship that has being build over the last few months or if it's just something temporary,

Im not sure what I should do,, should I ask if something is wrong or should I let this rest for a few days and see what will happen ??