college freak out

[meatcake]

So I'm going back to college - it really stresses me out just sitting in a classroom with people, especially when it's so crowded that nearly every seat is taken. I tend to wind up missing those classes more than I should.

So in one of the crowded classes this girl started sitting next to me every day, which freaked me out. I just do not do well with women. I'm too nice and they generally don't like that, but my anxiety tends to make me put up all these defenses so they think I'm an asshole or something. Or at least that's how I feel like I'm being.

Ugh, there are just so many scenarios to try to figure out, I just can't deal with it. Maybe it's just easiest to write a note and say hi. And then say I have social anxiety. And then just deal with whatever happens.

It's possible I'm reading too much into it though, but for whatever reason, girls are occasionally interested in me, and it always stresses me out cause I don't know how to respond. I would really mostly be interested in them if they had some kind of mental problems, but how would you ever even find that out?

Alternatively, I could just sit elsewhere, which would be kind of rude, plus I'd be disrupting the established seating positions, which makes me feel awkward also.

Okay, ideally, I would just be okay with sitting next to some person. I have all these automatic responses though. Um, maybe I should analyze it with CBT techniques. What are the automatic thoughts, etc? I guess especially that I have to respond to this person. Which I don't.

Thanks for reading, sorry this is so long.

Anyone have similar experiences or advice?

 

[nephatitus]

ive had some girls sit around me at times and i wasnt comfortable with it so i just randomly change seats throughout the classroom

it helps so im not distracted

 

[mismeek]

ugh.. I go to college with anxiety too. For the first month I would have a panic attack in every class...everyday. It sucked soo bad.

I don't think the girl would noticed that much if you moved. Try sitting as close to the door as you can so you will feel like you have a way out. Thats what I usually do.

 

[antipop621]

Well, when I was in college and university, the classes were so big (hundreds of students), and I was so diluted among all the students that I felt like I wasn't even there. So, I never had anxiety issues there.

But that all changed in science labs where we were placed in smaller groups, and I pretty much had to interact with others. I always had cramps before going to every lab.

 

[lurknomore]

Well, when I was in college and university, the classes were so big (hundreds of students), and I was so diluted among all the students that I felt like I wasn't even there. So, I never had anxiety issues there.

But that all changed in science labs where we were placed in smaller groups, and I pretty much had to interact with others. I always had cramps before going to every lab.

I agree that the anxiety is usually less in larger classes than smaller ones- unless you have to give presentations or something in the large class.

 

[NormanBates]

I know what you mean.

I usually try and imagine school as being like church - you go sit among many strangers with whom you should not speak until the ritual of shaking hands as offering of peace.

But then I remember, I loath church and always have. It's so grueling being in that kind of environment. And for only one hour!

And what's more, because I see myself as behaving especially the way you do, "meatcake", I think I really scare people.
Every time somebody who sat next to me gets out of that class I blame it on me, but then also feel triumphant that I out-sat them. lol

What a stressful environment school can be for socialphobes.

 

[lookyloo]

I think you shouldn't run away. Try not to change seats. Face your fear. It is the only way you will get over this hurdle. Unfortunately you are focusing too much in failing at this. If you think that this girl would react positively to you letting her know about your condition, then tell her. But I wouldn't write the note to her. Remember, you wnat to get better, you don't want to stay where you are. Just tell your self that this is practice, and if you fail then you try again. I hope this helps. You can do it.

 

[meatcake]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. Yeah, school can be a really stressful environment. I actually chose a big school because of the added anonymity, and it does help a lot.

I tend to ignore people by just working on homework before the lecture starts, which usually tells people you don't really feel like socializing. It generally works. People might think you're weird, but that doesn't bother me, or at least it's less stressful than getting pulled into conversations with people.

I realize I have low self-confidence, and I wouldn't want to inflict that on somebody else. But if she was the same, then I'd want to talk to her. But she seems kind of brave, which makes me nervous - I don't think she'd understand where I'm coming from. Argh. Everytime I think about it my brain just goes in circles. I'm just trying to avoid rejection, but sometimes I guess you just get sucked into it and can't avoid it. bleh.

I guess it's most likely that she thinks I have my shit together. And I either be rude and make her think I don't like her, and feel all guilty, or let her realize how ****ed up I am, which is always SO much fun!

Fortunately though, I got sick this weekend, so managed to avoid the whole thing the last couple of days

 

[SammyT]

ive had some girls sit around me at times and i wasnt comfortable with it so i just randomly change seats throughout the classroom

it helps so im not distracted

LMAO thats a bit obvious dude... some girl comes and sits next to you so you get up and change seats whilst looking sheepish lol