carrying on conversations
- Thread starter Reholla
- Start date
Starry
Well-known member
I'm hopeless with conversations too... Unless the other person is doing the majority of the talking it's pretty much a dead conversation... My brain just goes blank and I can't say things. When I do think of something to say my mind put in a mental block to prevent me, because I start thinking I'll sound stupid or something...
And worst of all is when I say something and my mind does a strange thing where I kind of hear what I just said echoed (not literally) within my thoughts and I feel I sounded really stupid...
And worst of all is when I say something and my mind does a strange thing where I kind of hear what I just said echoed (not literally) within my thoughts and I feel I sounded really stupid...
Foxglove
Well-known member
I am absolutely terrible at chitchat and small talk. My brain just seems to take a vacation then, and I can't think of anything to say. I also stammer and blush like a teenager, which is also really embarrassing, which makes me even more anxious. To make matters worse I always have to speak in a foreign language, which is tough anyway.
SilentType
Banned
Starry took the words right out of my fingers.
This is just something that we have to deal with if we want to move past our social phobia. Just fight it and eventually it will be an afterthought.
I think the reason that most of us social phobics have trouble in these situations is that we give up too easily. I know that our panic attacks are tough to throw ourselves into but I really believe that if we all knowingly put ourselves into situations that we fear on a daily basis that eventually our bodies will get used to the stress and the panic will taper off.
Fight it and you will beat it just like anything else.
Peace
This is just something that we have to deal with if we want to move past our social phobia. Just fight it and eventually it will be an afterthought.
I think the reason that most of us social phobics have trouble in these situations is that we give up too easily. I know that our panic attacks are tough to throw ourselves into but I really believe that if we all knowingly put ourselves into situations that we fear on a daily basis that eventually our bodies will get used to the stress and the panic will taper off.
Fight it and you will beat it just like anything else.
Peace
jamez
Well-known member
I'm not too good at small talk though I've gotten a little better over the past year or so. I can't be bothered a lot of the times though really because what it really is just small talk. I mean thats what they call it "small" talk. It's boring for the most part, and sometimes I get funny ideas just to say random weird shit, just to get a reaction or a different feeling. Obviously I don't do that though because I'm still too much of a pussy lol.
This is literally a conversation that I had with my Spanish Grandma when she called me the other day:
Gran: Hello, how are you?
Me: Good, and you?
Gran: Good. Have you decided whether you're going back to Uni?
Me: No
Gran: Oh dear. Is your mum home?
Me: No she's away for the weekend.
Gran: OK then, Lots of love.
Me: Same.
It almost sounds like the sort of conversation you'd have with your Gran if she lived next door or if you were 6, the sad fact is that I'm 23 and I'm in England and haven't spoken to her for more than a month and I had nothing to say and didn't manage to find any interesting questions to ask her.
...I suppose my mum actually being in front of me shaking her head didn't help the conversation much! But still... No wonder I've got SA and avoid things.
Gran: Hello, how are you?
Me: Good, and you?
Gran: Good. Have you decided whether you're going back to Uni?
Me: No
Gran: Oh dear. Is your mum home?
Me: No she's away for the weekend.
Gran: OK then, Lots of love.
Me: Same.
It almost sounds like the sort of conversation you'd have with your Gran if she lived next door or if you were 6, the sad fact is that I'm 23 and I'm in England and haven't spoken to her for more than a month and I had nothing to say and didn't manage to find any interesting questions to ask her.
...I suppose my mum actually being in front of me shaking her head didn't help the conversation much! But still... No wonder I've got SA and avoid things.
Reminds me of the convos I used to have on aim:
person: hey
me: hey
them: what's up?
Me: not much
them: cool
and then it pretty much dies until one of us says we have to go.
person: hey
me: hey
them: what's up?
Me: not much
them: cool
and then it pretty much dies until one of us says we have to go.
recluse
Well-known member
I can be talkative at times, but that's when someone has started to talk about a topic which I am interested in, but most of the time I am silent. When People are talking to me, sometimes I get so preoccupied in thinking what I am going to say next, I lose concentration and the stuff they say doesn't sink in. I hate uncomfortable silences. I always feel it's my fault for uncomfortable silences.
I have an intense fear of telephones! I blame my mother for that because she used to watch me talking on the phone and used to correct me and make me feel small. Ever since I have been conscious of talking on the phone especially in front of people.
I have an intense fear of telephones! I blame my mother for that because she used to watch me talking on the phone and used to correct me and make me feel small. Ever since I have been conscious of talking on the phone especially in front of people.
hartbrokenvirgo
Well-known member
wow this forum is really relaxing to be at knowing your not alone in the world and that your not the only one who thinks the way you do i always thought i was just crazy.but back on topic i have a hard time with talking on the phone to people. i never know how to say whats in my mind i can think clearly and know whati want to say but i can never verbalize it its like a block on me or something and i overanlyize wat im gonna say all the time hell im doing it now
hartbrokenvirgo
Well-known member
recluse said:
Its like you are in my mind lo i feel the same way i always feel like im boring the other person and that theyre thinking something bad about me
YankeeBob
Well-known member
difficulty talking on the phone
for some of us its hard to pick up the phone ....because it weighs 20 pounds/ 10 kilos.
slowly as we learn that its ok to have a short conversation ...we learn to break through ...and have short chats with others.
you know conversations for us is similar to lifting weights in a gym for a nerd. by the way i used to think of myself as a nerd.
i learnt that going into a gym and lifting weights EVEN THOUGH IT WAS hard, resulted slowly over time in some muscle development, better sleeping habits, and then more self esteem.
that gave me the self confidence to try calling others on the phone. sure there was a barrier to break through. but its worth it to learn to break out of the isolation and loneliness.
its so much better living in the real world with friends who care about me, and vice versa.
does this make any sense ?
for some of us its hard to pick up the phone ....because it weighs 20 pounds/ 10 kilos.
slowly as we learn that its ok to have a short conversation ...we learn to break through ...and have short chats with others.
you know conversations for us is similar to lifting weights in a gym for a nerd. by the way i used to think of myself as a nerd.
i learnt that going into a gym and lifting weights EVEN THOUGH IT WAS hard, resulted slowly over time in some muscle development, better sleeping habits, and then more self esteem.
that gave me the self confidence to try calling others on the phone. sure there was a barrier to break through. but its worth it to learn to break out of the isolation and loneliness.
its so much better living in the real world with friends who care about me, and vice versa.
does this make any sense ?
