Can't stop staring at people
- Thread starter John S
- Start date
needhelp521
Member
where are you John S? I also have the problem, it seems I have to look at somewhere when I am walking; and if in the train and I see a girl, I would imagine what she is like when she @#$%, I do not know what's wrong, I really need help. Please
Rhondasabitch
New member
Oh I had that in seventh grade. It was awful. I just grew out of it, but you need to do an exposure, definitely. You must fully expose yourself to what you fear. If you fear staring, then you must stare at people for prolonged periods of time until your anxiety lowers naturally. Would it be anxiety-producing for you to wear dark glasses and people watch (stare) at a public place? I think that'd be good if it brings you anxiety. With exposures you've gotta get creative, because you can't do something that will truly be detrimental to your social life. So staring isn't a compulsion, then? You don't stare to bring down your distress, do you? That would require a different sort of exposure.
Rhondasabitch
New member
What you need to do, needhelp521, is an exposure. You're afraid of imagining what a girl looks like when she *%$# then you must purposely imagine just that. Come at it from a go-getter standpoint, instead of passively letting your OCD monster get you down. Imagine her 7#@$ing, and do your very worst! Draw out the image/inner movie in your mind. Do this for a prolonged period of time until your anxiety lowers through habituation. You can only get over a fear by confronting it.
needhelp521
Member
Thanks Rhondasabith, I am not afraid of imagining that but the staring. for me is a long story, long time ago due to lack of confidence, when I talk to people I do not know where to look, which is making me nervous, I try to avoid eye contact, but later I find out that this is impolite, so I try to focus on when I am talking, but from their facial expressions, I am sure they think I am weird, cos I am staring at them. not know how to do, but thanks for your advice anyway.
needhelp521
Member
I have similar problem with you, when you find a good doctor please share with us. thank you.
I have this problem and it really disturbs me so much. My life is in total mess now, i.e. family members and friends are avoiding me, not to mention any people that I met because of the staring. Need help here :
: Should I consult a psychiatrist or a psychologist? Is there any cure for this problem other than taking medicine?
: Should I consult a psychiatrist or a psychologist? Is there any cure for this problem other than taking medicine?
SAYC
Active member
I have experienced this too. I totally agree with Rhondasabitch that you need to expose yourself to the fear. You have to face it. Maybe start with family members and purposefully stare at them even though you are feeling this great anxiety. While doing this, really concentrate on your body sensations like racing heart, sweating, shallow breath. This is the anxiety response. You need to breathe deeply and deliberately and let the fear/anxiety feelings pass. Your body will relax more and you will realize that your worst fear did not happen.
Start with people you feel safe with and then expand to others that make you feel more anxious. I love the idea of dark glasses in the mall. Work through it with that. But I think you need to shed the dark glasses eventually so you can do it on your own.
Maybe a bridge from dark glasses to none would be a clear pair with wide sides/temples that you can hide your line of sight behind. You can have them made up in lenses without power in them if you don't require glasses.
MaxineRyder
Active member
It certainly sounds like OCD. I like mrb's idea about wearing dark glasses. That way, once you eliminate the consequences of staring at someone, you might eliminate the obsession altogether.
Good luck.
Maxine xxxx
Good luck.
Maxine xxxx
I've suffer from this problem for almost over 5 years now. What worst is that I look extreamly scary. Imagine yourself meeting someone like me with a stareing problem and looking like a serial killer at the same time... God. You can't imagine how many times i want to put a bullet in my head. If I was to cry I would cry out rivers of blood.
Its great (actually not) to see other people having the same problem. One thing I notice is that you HAVE to RELAX your eyes while also forcing yourself to look at people and never look down even when you are extreamly embarrass. But forcing yourself to look at people is still not enough you have to talk to people and do all the things that you are scared to do in order to gain a bit of norm in your life. No matter how hard or painful it is to look. You have to FORCE yourself.
Its really important to RELAX your eyes everyday. Don't think. Just go with the flow and just focus on your primary objective. Whenever you feel confuse or extreamly nervous, take a deep breath and remember to RELAX and focus.
ALSO its really IMPORTANT to NEVER focus on MOVING OBJECTS. MOVING OBJECTS (PEOPLE) is your main problem. FORCE yourself to RELAX and FOCUS while not paying attention to MOVING OBJECTS (PEOPLE, CARS, ETC...)
just my 2 cents.
Its great (actually not) to see other people having the same problem. One thing I notice is that you HAVE to RELAX your eyes while also forcing yourself to look at people and never look down even when you are extreamly embarrass. But forcing yourself to look at people is still not enough you have to talk to people and do all the things that you are scared to do in order to gain a bit of norm in your life. No matter how hard or painful it is to look. You have to FORCE yourself.
Its really important to RELAX your eyes everyday. Don't think. Just go with the flow and just focus on your primary objective. Whenever you feel confuse or extreamly nervous, take a deep breath and remember to RELAX and focus.
ALSO its really IMPORTANT to NEVER focus on MOVING OBJECTS. MOVING OBJECTS (PEOPLE) is your main problem. FORCE yourself to RELAX and FOCUS while not paying attention to MOVING OBJECTS (PEOPLE, CARS, ETC...)
just my 2 cents.
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orange
Member
I have this problem too.
It must be really annoying for people around me, but if I try hard to relax I improve on this problem.
So did I get it right? this is a DOC?
How old were you guys when you had this problem? cause I think this started when I became a teenager, now I'm almost 20 and this problem is becoming less big but I still have it.
(sorry for my english)
It must be really annoying for people around me, but if I try hard to relax I improve on this problem.
So did I get it right? this is a DOC?
How old were you guys when you had this problem? cause I think this started when I became a teenager, now I'm almost 20 and this problem is becoming less big but I still have it.
(sorry for my english)
i had this problem when i was 21. the problem just keep on progressing as i got older. if it doesn't get better by the end of this year. i seriously have to go to the psychiatrist to get diagnose for this problem. i really can't live with this **** anymore.
if you guys think back in your life. its always the small bad habbits that you don't pay attention about thats manifest into a hugh problem as you get older.
if you guys think back in your life. its always the small bad habbits that you don't pay attention about thats manifest into a hugh problem as you get older.
vexatiousmind
Well-known member
I do this, just try to look away before the person see you.
Lostinthemusic
Well-known member
This has happened sooooooooooooo many times. When you get the post laugh look it's even worse because it's like they expect you to have got what they are laughing at. Then I'll say I couldn't really pay attention without explaining why and feel even worse.
Well, the more I force myself to focus on something stationary, the more I will stare at other people, so I tried to focus on moving objects and look everywhere, that's what I could do at the moment. Relaxing didn't work for me though.:
:I wanted to go to the psychiatrist but was afraid of the fees that I have to spend plus I didn't told my parents about my problem. :
: Couldn't imagine how am I going to explain it to my parents about the money's whereabouts.This doesn't help at all when people are all around you >.< I just pray that there are less people around me when the situation is unavoidable, i.e. lectures. If not, I just stare at the whiteboard all the time or the teacher.I do this, just try to look away before the person see you.
Well, the more I force myself to focus on something stationary, the more I will stare at other people, so I tried to focus on moving objects and look everywhere, that's what I could do at the moment. Relaxing didn't work for me though.:
I wanted to go to the psychiatrist but was afraid of the fees that I have to spend plus I didn't told my parents about my problem. :
you have to somehow control it man. don't let this take over you like it has taken over all aspect of my life. i literally lost all my social life because of this. it went to the point where i contemplated suicide months after months because of THIS!
*relaxing is the key to controlling this. when you are relax then you will feel comfortable in the environment your in. don't force your head to think, just go with the flow.
one thing i can gauranteed you that helps is that you have to show NO FEAR and just walk and talk to everyone without being scared at where you look at even if you are stareing (never put your face down. always look forward). I find this EXTREAMLY effective when you are eating together in a group of 3 or more. at first you will fuk up like crazy and everyone will think you are crazy/weird/psycho etc... but DO NOT let what anyone say put you down. you have to have a very strong resolve and determination.
i've tried this for about a month now and it does help. and it does not require any type of medication.
but thats just my advice. i'm no doctor.
if all else fails then you have to tell your parents man. don't let this take control over you. don't let your youth rot because of this problem.
LIFE is socializing and you HAVE TO socialize to be normal so you have to FORCE YOURSELF.
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i have this problem. when i am in the town centre, i just have to look at the floor to stop myself staring at people. I have a part time job at supermarket on the tills. I always ending up looking at the person on the next till, I never know what to do with my eyes because i am stuck there for hours.
Well, the more I force myself to focus on something stationary, the more I will stare at other people, so I tried to focus on moving objects and look everywhere, that's what I could do at the moment. Relaxing didn't work for me though.:
I wanted to go to the psychiatrist but was afraid of the fees that I have to spend plus I didn't told my parents about my problem. :
This doesn't help at all when people are all around you >.< I just pray that there are less people around me when the situation is unavoidable, i.e. lectures. If not, I just stare at the whiteboard all the time or the teacher.
lectures are not to bad for me, i just sit behind everyone else, then they cant see if your looking. then i dont have a problem