Can't Please Everyone

[DukeOtakuNukem]

I have come to the conclusion that pleasing others doesn't necessarily mean pleasing myself. Some people, like the Japanese "language exchange" partners I had cannot be pleased no matter how hard I try. It took me a lot of effort just to register to language-exchanges.org and put myself out there in front of people, and apparently that wasn't enough for anyone. Pretending to be someone you are not may please others, (as I pretended to be a super happy guy during Skype conversations with Japanese language partners) didn't make me a happier person, nor did I please the person I was speaking to; heck one even accused me of "bragging" when I was telling him that I liked a certain game, and that it may be a good thing for him to try, it all backfired with accusations instead of progressing as a normal conversation. Humans, humans, humans... Can't catch 'em or please 'em all.

 

[jaim38]

Exactly. Sometimes I forget this even though it's in my signature so I need to remind myself often. I used to get very disheartened when someone doesn't like me. I've learned (the hard way) that having a backbone will earn a person more respect than being a jelly. Now that I think about it, one reason why the bullies kept picking on me is probably because I never fought back or try to defend myself.

 

[DukeOtakuNukem]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I told myself for a while that I can't please everyone, and recently have forgotten this, but your sig reminds me that I need to just be who I am, and please only the people I know I can please. I was very disheartened when I found out a couple of days ago that one of the Japanese language partners that I had on Skype deleted me, along with 20 to 30 others (Everyone pretty much) doesn't even talk to me anymore, even when I try to initiate the conversations, so I just ended up deleting my language-exchanges.org account, and even abandoned my Skype account to avoid these people for good.

I know I've mentioned this a lot recently, but it really damaged me emotionally that I have had just about every person I tried to be friendly with turn on me, and that had me question whether good people even exist or not, but remembered that I still have friends and family that I do not need to try to please, and the local Japanese meetup group, which definitely works better than online, though I'm still trying to get over what has happened with the online language exchange as I've been treated like complete crap, and obviously was hated there. Only please who you can please, you can please only those you can please is what I'm going to go by now, since its true.

 

[Steelsoul]

True. You can't make everyone happy no matters how hard you try to please them. There will always be some people who like you, and some people don't. Only please the ones who are important and nice to you. They deserve your caring and pleasing. The others? Consider them as rolling stones that pass through your life

 

[DukeOtakuNukem]

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I definitely won't waste my time on people who I have to try to please; if I have to try to please the person, he or she will be dead in my eyes.

 

[MikeyC]

Pleasing everybody is impossible, but some people try. The earlier you accept that people are going to displeased with you or dislike you, no matter what you do, the happier you'll become knowing you shouldn't waste time on them.

 

[mikebird]

Well said

I'm learning

Bragging is a term I should think of more and avoid in interview. I default to this behaviour when the pinpoint of life is to please people. I get over-confident and I do look down on every interviewer who I think is stupid and missing out on me. I get inflated, feeling mocked for putting a foot wrong.

It all hurts the very most when I can tell in the first 10 seconds of interviews I do it wrong. People take me on for 3 months at a high rate. I wait for them to get rid of me probably sooner than 3 months.

Even it starts permanent. I get through their probation period of 3 or 6 months' test to keep going. It never lasts forever, like a marriage. Last time it was Jan to April to be shown the door. It feels like a social breezeblock on the nose. I should have run away from the interview after 10 seconds to try elsewhere. It's impossible to turn down any offer :shyness: