Can't make proper phonecalls

[recluse]

I feel a dumbass! Why?...Because when i make a phone call i can't get my point across clearly. Today i had to phone a shop because i had brought something which was wrong, and i wanted to know if i could return it to them...Just a simple point to get across, but no! Social phobia turns me into a wreck! I just start to mumble and i can't help think that the person on the other side of the phone probably thinks i am a dumbass. Godddd! I'm just so sick and tired of being social phobic.

 

[ghost_train]

I know I know. I still get a little nervous making phonecalls. The anxiety I get is like a slightly scaled down version of public speaking- complete with dry mouth and mumbled, incoherent half-sentences. Saying that, though, when I DO know exactly what I've got to say, I'm generally ok. Unless I'm having one of my random anxious days.

 

[princess_haru]

*shudders*

Try having to speak to angry customers who think you're personally responsible for the fact that their order turned up broken, or turned out to be faulty. I've had a lawyer quoting laws and rights at me (none of which I had the slightest understanding of - he could've been making it all up for all I know!) and a man who wanted me to send out replacements to him without any of his customer details or proof that he'd ever bought anything from us - he got really stroppy and wouldn't take no for an answer or get off the phone :x

I'm now petrified of speaking to customers on the phone! My job is 99% email based so this shouldn't be a big problem, but sometimes we're expected to sort out the "problem customers" by phone...

 

[lucifersam]

I get especially nervous with important phone calls. Like when I was making an appointment with the academic counselor, I kept saying "umm...." and stuff, it was hard to even get a word out. Seriously, how hard is it to just set up an appointment?? :?

It was even worse when I actually went to talk to her in person. She kept asking if I was nervous about something.

 

[Akira]

I have the same problem! I always put off making a phone call for as long as possible. When the time comes that I absolutely have to make a call, I'm a complete mess. I'm always mumbling and asking people to repeat themselves, it's really embarrassing. Also, I almost always ignore calls because I already know how awkward I'll be over the phone.

 

[Siren]

Even when I write out what to say, I still start stuttering and pausing even in between syllables of words. They probably think they're talking to a mentally challenged person.

I hate phones, I truly do. Just the thought of calling someone makes me feel nauseous.

 

[McChubs]

I'm terrible on the phone.

I used to practice for an hour or so before calling in a food order. I finally stopped using the phone around my mid-trwenties (I am 35). I won't even talk to my family or partner. They know I will only answer text messages.

Funny thing is I talk on the phone all day at my job, but it's all task-oriented talking, so I concentrate on troubleshooting the problem and put people on hold if they start asking me about the weather.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

i get anxious even listening to the ring of the phone

 

[Infected_Malignity]

I feel a dumbass! Why?...Because when i make a phone call i can't get my point across clearly. Today i had to phone a shop because i had brought something which was wrong, and i wanted to know if i could return it to them...Just a simple point to get across, but no! Social phobia turns me into a wreck! I just start to mumble and i can't help think that the person on the other side of the phone probably thinks i am a dumbass. Godddd! I'm just so sick and tired of being social phobic.

But you made the call, right? If the social phobia didn't get in your way, why do you see it as such a big problem?

 

[ripewithdecay]

no matter how easy you think they should be phone calls are always a pain.
im always accidentally interrupting ppl, and i cant talk in my relaxed voice because then i don't think anyone can hear me well enough, whether it be im not loud enough or mumble too much.

i also can't stop and sit down when im on the phone, i have to be up and pacing around the room. it sucks because i can't process information easy enough and it just makes me feel like an idiot.

 

[Flaming_Badger]

I've fairly much managed to force myself into coping with everything society throws my way, but telephone calls really really get me panicking. I have to plan everything for the conversation, unless its with someone I know. Its worst in work where I have to call around regional offices and outside agents, my stress goes through the roof and I've had mini anxiety attacks while colleagues have been watching. Its embarrassing and I can't conquer it.

 

[Predacon]

I generally don't have a problem with phone calls, but if its something real complicated I keep some notes next to me to remind what to say. The ones I get nervous about are job ones, I always get nervous answering their questions. I think textings great gives you longer to think out your replies.

 

[milo001]

i have a big problem with phone.i never ever call a shop to asked about something or call some places about jobs because i never dare too.my SP became worse after i quit my job because now i don't dare to even answer phonecall.everytime my parents will call me if my friends call.but even if i'm talking to my friends i'll still nervous like i'll be talking and keep asking about them nonstop so that they'll never be bored.and i rarely make a call to my friends since last year everytime they're the one who call me.i even feel a bit nervous to call my dad.i felt really useless.

 

[lalaquiet]

I get so anxious before making a phone call. I usually write down things before I make a call, if I don't I get flustered and sound like an idiot. I usually never answer my phone unless it's one of my friends calling. I feel like I have to listen to the person on my voice mail first so I can mentally prepare myself to talk to them. Thank god for caller ID. Sometimes before I make a call I'll give myself a 'pep talk' and think to myself......who gives a fuck? If I sound like an idiot, oh well. Do I really care what this person thinks? Usually after I think about things like that, I have no problem on the phone afterwards. Sometimes I always feel the need to sound as professional as possible. That's another problem, makes me feel more nervous.

 

[M1tCh]

I'd like to share some phone calling related tips/techniques that have helped me feel a little less nervous, so here they are:

1. Write down what you're going to say before dialing. Also, if it helps, recite aloud what you wrote down several times over like practicing for a speech.

2. Take a deep breath. I like to inhale/exhale deeply right before someone picks up and says "hello".

3. Food & beverage. Sometimes it can be beneficial to drink a glass of water or eat a light snack prior to the dreaded task.

4. Remember that the call isn't all about you, and that there's another person or persons involved. I know i had a tendency to obsess about what i was going to say and how i'd be received, but eventually i realized that the people i call (or talk to) are just like anyone else. A simple "hi, how are you today?" is a good opener that eases my stress/anxiety quite a bit, for example. I think it's pleasant for the person you're calling too, as the results to this approach have shown that someone will be a lot more receptive when being talked to like a 'human being'.

Hopefully this is useful to someone out there...

 

[worrywort]

Great tips Mitch....I agree.....especially writing out notes and planning what you wanna say.

But I find it interesting that none of us have problems getting our points across on this website.....I can understand what people are saying perfectly. So our brains are perfectly adequate to convey the information we want to convey......it's just that our inner censors are perhaps a bit too trigger happy on the phone....there are too many thoughts that we regard as too risky and remain unsaid, that shouldn't be. We're allowed to be imperfect and make mistakes and stutter and mumble and say the wrong things occasionally....and we're allowed to be firm and say no and stand our ground sometimes.....and we're allowed to disagree.....but why don't we?.....because we feel that if the other person were to form a negative opinion of us, this would be DEVASTATING! CATASTROPHIC!!! If they got angry at us, or hated us or laughed at us, we would equate this to mean that we are terrible people. We'd think "this MUST mean I'm a BAD person".

But it DOESN'T!!!!!......Either they could be in the wrong.....you both may be somewhat in the wrong.....or even if it turns out you WERE in the wrong.....if, after thinking about it, you agree that you were wrong.....then you apologise and learn from it and move on.

Man it sounds so easy in theory!

 

[AM]

I was talking to my doctor about this - we came down to the fact that I have low self esteem, and this is characterised by not liking the phone, as in not wanting to answer or call, paperwork: ignoring mail or being fearful of opening the mail in case it says something bad, things like that.

I told him that these things have started to clear up ever since I started taking my Luvox (Fluxovamine) medication. It's not completely gone, but my med is making it easier to be confident with things like this. Since I have started doing it more, I am hardly anxious anymore about this and no longer mumble or fluff my words up. The med doesn't take it away or change your personality, it puts you in a calm state so you can start getting some good experiences going that boost your faith in yourself.

It used to be really frustrating because I know I'm not a stupid person and I am capable of talking like a normal person!

 

[Victor]

I used to hate and be scared of the phone. Then I had a two week's job where I had to make tenth of phone calls every morning. My boss would say I was pretty good at it too. That kind of cured me. Now I still don't like talking on the phone, but that doesn't make me nervous anymore. Sometimes, I will delay a call I have to make, but nothing as bad as before.

 

[M1tCh]

I was talking to my doctor about this - we came down to the fact that I have low self esteem, and this is characterised by not liking the phone, as in not wanting to answer or call, paperwork: ignoring mail or being fearful of opening the mail in case it says something bad, things like that.

Good point about self esteem, AM. It reminded me of an omission i made in my previous post, and that's 'positive affirmations'. You just tell yourself you can do something, believe it, then achieve it. "I think i can, i think i can" should be "I know i can, I know i can". It's probably redundant, but i thought i'd bring it up anyhow (it's worked for me).

But I find it interesting that none of us have problems getting our points across on this website.....

It's easy to connect with someone who can relate/understand your problems when it doesn't require face-to-face interaction and you're in your comfort zone at home or wherever. The dynamics are obviously different, but you raise a good point about capability. Now...how do we translate our abilities successfully into the social arena? It's easy to intellectualize, which most of us have done, though the best answer may be to stop thinking so much and just start doing to gain valuable/necessary experience. Accepting your feelings and yourself as a person is a good start, but it's not easy by any means...

I'll end with a quote: "Eyes are afraid, but hands are making".

 

[PhantomPod]

Having to make a phone call causing major anxiety in me. I just had to call my doctor's office earlier today and I ended up having to leave a message. Usually, I would write down what I want to say and write down what my message will be if I get someone's voicemail, but this time I didn't for some reason. Well I sounded like such an idiot in my message, and I felt my face get beat red as I was leaving it. It was just unreal that my face got so red, when no one was even around to see me on the phone or hear what I was saying.