can't eat in groups at mental hospital

[Falkor]

hello everybody,

im in a mental hospital since last weekend

because i had emotional outbursts at home, conflicts, and constantly i couldnt take anything but went screaming , i had hysterical emotions, not dangerous though, i don't even hurt a fly, i'm caring and sweet, but i just coulnd't take it anymore so i made a mess.

my parents were also not taking it any longer, and i didn't sleep for 5 nights, so i was going nuts in my own emotions from fear.

i had panic attacks all the time, and i acted like crap.

so i basically went to the mental hospital.

and every night during 6 PM I cannot eat in the groups!

the supervisors even have to bring me the meals because it is too hard for me to sit in a group full of people.

i tried one day though, here. but when we were praying (before eating) i was not holding my eyes closed and i was freezing when all the eyes were looking at me (!!!)

so i was depersonalisating in front of the people and i was having fearful feelings so i walked out of it.

so right now i never ate here since im here for almost a week,

i feel stupid and some patients talked to me though about nice stuff 1 to 1.
they took the iniatives.

but uhm, yeah. it's so hard for me!

i'm sitting in the living room now (where we usually eat) because the pc is here in the corner. nobodies here.

and i was just having breakfast in this place while there was 1 other patient. thats a thumps up!

but uuuuh, im sooo frustrated that i can't eat while having dinner with allt hose people!

there are like 12 or something.

damn, that's so scary.

do you have any advice ??

the patients seems very nice though. always say goodmorning, and one man said ''i should not be afraid i shuold talk to him and just go to the group, not stand alone inthe corner'' because yesterday i was standing at the hallway all the time hesitating wether i should join or not.

hmmm, nerve wrakes!!

what should i do

and im so depressed because now not only my outburst are making me sad and guilty, also the social phobia part is back into my life even more in the spotlight (from my own experience).

all though i still go to intern ship during the day and then go back to the mental hospital.

, i will walk to therapy now, and have a very (terrible) long day at intern ship.

i can't stand it facing people, but at the same time i always get happy and excited when it resulted that I could talk to someone. because it's what i want, but it's what i'm afraid to face..

ehhh, complexity of SA!

well, thanks for reading and have a good day

 

[MikeyC]

First of all, I'm sorry you've gone into a mental hospital. :: Sounds like things are rough for you, but at least you're attempting to get some help so that is a positive sign.

Regarding eating in groups, don't force yourself. If all you can take is sitting in the corner of the room while everyone else eats in groups, do that. If that's how you feel for the next meal, then sit in the corner again. Eventually - and it might take a while - you will decide to join everyone else and eat with them.

Having the carers try to force you to socialise while you're eating when you don't want to is a backwards step. You'll do it when you're good and ready, and that might take a while, but it's about building up a tolerance to the idea of eating with everyone.

I hope your recovery goes well, Falkor. I would love to see you happy again.

 

[CursedSoul]

How are facilities there do they accept international patients

 

[EscapeArtist]

Hey Saskia
You sound like you're not holding up too badly. You are getting through this, that's what matters Past that moment of, as you put it, "making a mess" and probably almost through it (how long can they keep ya there?) I think it's brave of you to be there. Sometimes it's better to let it all out than to keep it inside so that you implode. But anyways, you shouldn't worry about having to eat with the others. You have enough stress on you, take it easy, maybe there is a little shy girl in there who has been working very hard and deserves a bit of a treat. Eating alone in safety isn't always a bad thing. Don't feel bad about it. Everybody has their issues, they just hide it better there is no reason to be ashamed of them. Hope you're doing well today

 

[theslowesthand]

I feel sorry that you've had to go through all this major cr*p Saskia. Believe me i know exactly what you're goin thru .. been there done that. just several month ago i was in a "dire" place, got taken (voluntarily) to police cells, saw a psych nurse there, were in those past few weeks getting into major arguments, getting really angry, saying some really major dodgy stuff, almost suicidal, etc, etc.

And it took a while (a few weeks at least) for the guilt/shame/embarassment about it all to recede, and for me to stop feeling like some sort of "out-of-control, dangerous psycho-maniac". It's not "me", but i guess i have my "Mr Hyde" part of me that very seldom is allowed out.

I now am treading very carefully in life, making sure i don't push over the first domino, or knock down my fragile tentative-balanced house of cards. For most of time now, i am "holding it together", sometimes just enough, but still am "okay".
I have come to learn what "sparks" there are that can lights my bomfire. Most i think i can avoid, some maybe not. But the more of these things you keep "maintaining well", the less chance that another sparks can start the fire raging. But i think you usually need a few of these bad sparks in combined to ignite the fire.
And when you have that combo, they have gotten wood pile to point of hot coals, & then just takes ONE MORE SPARK to set alight!.
Some of these "sparks" are: lack of sleeping, off medications, changes to life, stress/pressure, bad words from person, not eating well, ...
Do you know what all your sparks have been, to cause all this?

I can't believe they are not sensitive to the needs of SA patients???. Or is it simply not practical to have separate eating quarters??.

I hope you use this oportunity well, not only to get well again, but more importantly to prevent this happening ever again, if posible, or at least in next year/so. Try to learn what is that not doing right, with your living, as for sure thsee events are telling you that there are too much of sth, not enough of sth else, etc (ie out of the "balance" in life). Okay, on socialphobiaworld we are pretty much all "out of balance" here (lol) ... but as i said above, there's diffrence between being on the "balancing act" & actually toppling-off to one's death upon the canyon floor.

Hope this post finds you in good spirits, and never stop being postive!...

 

[HappySquidward]

I too had to stay at a mental hospital once. When it came to eating, guys and gals were seperated. On the first day there was only one other guy, so I didn't have any SA problems while eating. However, the place had a focus on group therapy, so I had to explain to everyone why I was there and how I felt. At first I was a bit nervous about this, but as I got to know the people that were there I started to feel more comfortable.

Do whatever you think helps and I hope you get better

 

[laure15]

Other people shouldn't force you to join a group if you don't want to join.

If that other patient tells you to join the group again, tell him that you don't want to and explain why. Maybe he will understand what you are going through and stop telling you to join the group.