Cannot cope with being an adult and all the responsibility it entails :(

[MariahCarey]

I'm 19, just started university last year and ever since then my life has involved me having more responsibilty than ever in every sense.

I'm used to my parents always picking up the pieces for me due to having such a sheltered upbringing. I'm their 1st born, so they'd worry about me and fret over me, i wasn't able to go out with friends until i was 18, i have never been to a club, i have absolutely no life experience, because my parents thought they were "protecting" me.

Now as a consequence, i'm 19 years old, going to be 20 later this year, i'm practically an adult, yet mentally, i feel like a newborn baby. I'm so lost and feel so "behind" compared to my peers.

I don't know how to cope in my adult life.

I have so many bills to pay, they're just piling up. I've even been threatend to be taken to court. I can't help but avoid my problems like an immature child, of course my parents had to step in and pay my bills for me, because im so inadequate.

I cant do anything for myself, i feel so out of my depth. This "adult" world is so hard and heartless. I'm currently looking for employment, but it just sucks. Being an adult is hard. I still feel like a child. I just want to runaway. I can't handle anything like an adult. It's so humiliating. Argh. Sorry, just needed to rant. ::

 

[VirgoBlues]

Take it one small challenge at a time. You can do this, its a learning experience that everyone goes through. Trust me, we all feel the panic of bills and adult responsibilities, you're not alone in this.
Can you work something out with your parents that they leave 1 bill for you to take care of at a time so you can ease into the responsibility? Could you set up online bill pay so you don't even have to worry about it?
Eventually you will gain experience and hopefully some self confidence about your adult life. Feel free to PM me if you want to vent or need some pointers, Id be happy to help.

 

[freestylemonster]

Yeah it's the same for me. My parents really sheltered me and did everything for me, and now all of a sudden I'm expected to do everything myself!!

Sometimes I just wanna give up and go live alone in the forest somewhere lol but I'm really trying hard to learn the life skills I never learned, and it's getting easier

 

[Emily_G]

Yes, being an adult with responsibilities is hard. I probably wouldn't be able to do with by myself.

 

[recluse]

I'm 28 and i'm still like a kid! I've never moved from home and basically i've lived a sheltered life....I'm so out of touch with the reality of living an adult life, the world is such a scary place to me full of bad people wanting to hurt me. The thought of having to pay bills fills me with fear, i mean the only things i pay now is my car insurance, car tax, internet.

 

[AimeeSP]

Aww, i wish i had some advice to give but i'm 17 and going on 18 next month which terrifies me, i still feel like a 13 year old due to the past 5 years stuck at home, i don't feel ready to be classed as an 'adult' and the responsibility that comes with it. I just wanted you to know i feel the same way, you're not alone. *hugs*

 

[Amber26]

I had to reply to your post. I feel the same way you do, had the same sheltered upbringing you had, except I'm 37 years old. I'm wondering if it will get better for you or if you will end up just like me, nearing your 40's still feeling like a child. Of course at 19 you are just beginning so that is probably half the reason why it's so hard for you, because it's somewhat hard for everyone. When I was 19, I was still working at McDonalds living at home with no direction in my life. My dad set up an interview at a factory and like a mindless child I went there...for the next 18 years. I also wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends very much, so I had to do it in sneaky ways. I think the only thing that helped me was my parents getting a divorce and my dad moving out, and my mom wasn't strict at all and let me do whatever I wanted. I think what will help you is if you can move away from your parents somehow. I know, the job has to come first, but make that your goal. It's hard to feel like a child when you're living on your own. Of course, I'm proof that isn't entirely true, but my problem is my dad, who still tries to control me and keep me "safe". I can't even tell him about anything that I do because he'll get mad that I was out late or too far away or doing something that seems unsafe to him. So, the key to living your own life and feeling like an adult is to create space between you and your parents, and do "crazy" things behind their back. It will help you feel liberated.

As for paying bills and other adult things, those things get much easier after you do them a few times. I have social issues and never know how to talk to people yet somehow I've always been able to get things taken care of. People are there to help you, and all you have to do is tell them what you need, you don't need to be this big smart experienced person in order to get through life. The hardest part is really breaking free from your parents. That's something I have yet to fully do. I think the way my dad is has totally screwed up many parts of my life...for example I've only had one sexual partner in my entire life, I think mostly because I'm afraid of my dad finding out, since having unmarital sex is wrong to him. I don't want him to have so much control over me, but it feels like I can't help it. Also he raised me to never talk back and obey, so now I don't know how to be assertive and I avoid confrontations when I probably should speak up but I can't! For this reason I've drifted through life meek and inexperienced and I would hate for anyone else to end up like this. I didn't even move out until I was 27 and that's only because I finally got a boyfriend and he pretty much talked me into moving out cuz I was scared to do it alone.

So let my story be a warning to you of what it'll be like if you don't change. But it will get a little better, anyway, a lot about life you can't help but grow up when you deal with it. I just worry about what your overbearing parents are doing to you.