can you relate, i freaked out in class. feeling depressed.

[bluepisces]

hi everyone,
im new to this site, actually this is like my first "chat room " experience ever.i suffer from manic depression and social anxiety. i had a little eypisode today and was wondering if anyone can relate, im feeling very stupid and depressed about it. i was in class today (im a nursing student) and was called up in front of the class to demonstate a simple procedure ( it was inserting a nasogastric tube..ewww!) i got up to the front of the class and basically went bright red,started mildly shaking, my voice changed into a funny tone, and i started sweating, i "thought" everyone was looking at me and judgeing me picking me to peices which they werent,anyway, i didnt feel in control, my nervous rash was all up my neck and face , i was a mess. i excused myself and tried to gather or compose myself i went back into class and apologised to the class. can anyone relate to these feelings, i feel like no one understands.
ps.i was reading a post about a guy who is concoius of his facial movements , i can totally relate .

 

[Videotape]

hey,
yeah i know exactly wat ur saying. as soon as u hear ur name called...BANG....the anxiety is put into overdrive.

 

[j_brown87]

I had many episodes like this when i was in highschool. whenever a teacher just called my name and asked me a question. I would start panickin. Gettin an anxiety rush in my head and feelin like iam fading out. I would get that crazy stare in my eyes like iam a freak and yea everyone was lookin at me and i could hear people say did you see his eyes? or what the fuck is wrong with him. And the teacher was just lookin at me speechless and didnt know what the fuck is happening.

I remember once i had to present somethin in front of the class wih 3 other girls. i was a mess. i looked the whole time on the ground and didnt say a word, once i took a quick look at the class and bam lol. I got a strong tension in my head and i was so starin, i thought iam gonna get blind, it was so painfull how my eyes hurt. Everyone thought iam crazy. I got so depressed than.

 

[recluse]

I remember in school my Geography teacher asked me suddenly what the time was, and you know when guys go through puberty and your voice goes up and down?....Well i answered with a really squeaky voice like a mouse :lol: and i felt so embarassed although no one commented.

Also if we had to make a presentation in front of class my voice used to get monotone like a robot and i'd freeze and feel all stiff.

 

[Helyna]

The worst part for most people is that the more you react to the idea of them looking at you, the weirder you look. If they notice. But you think they're laughing at your shaking/blushing/whatever, so you get even more nervous.

I sweat quite a bit when all attention is on me, though when I'm just talking in class, I'm fine. Also, whenever I present anything, even play music (you have to move with music), I'm stiff. But I don't get the positive feedback loop for some reason. I don't think about what people think of me in particular, I'm just stiff. It doesn't make sense.

 

[littleneko]

I can relate too, lately at uni I have been trying to overcome my anxiety by asking questions at the end of lectures, stuff like that.. I'm not sure if its working. Usually I just obsess more than ever about how stupid I must have looked and sounded... for days
...eep, I always fidget and the words come out all wrong, and I can feel my face going red
When talking to one prof I am particularly intimidated by, I could totally feel my leg shaking uncontrollably, I practically ran away after that.. o dear.

bluepisces... It must be especially tough for you being a nursing student, dealing closely with people all the time.. Maybe this is dumb advice or you've heard it before, but I always tell myself that everyone has bad days, people are generally too self-interested to be thinking about you... and most importantly: even though I'm "sure" that they can - no one else can really hear my thoughts. I don't believe that in my heart (so to speak) but I can believe it intellectually... and on some level it helps. Not with the actual anxiety, but in trying to talk myself into doing things that make me want to hide.

Sorry for the long post!!

 

[starfish]

I can definitely relate. My sa started with panic attacks when giving presentations. I still can't go back and think about it in detail. I was 12 or so and I had no idea what was happening to me at the time and it was just horrible.

 

[roseycheeks]

i relate well to what you're saying

i just got home from doing a group presentation
it was horrible
when i had to speak i could feel my face burning up, and then i started stumbling my words.. my hands were shaking (so much so that i put the paper i was reading from on the table, so no1 would notice).. then the teacher asked me a question and i couldnt respond.. i just kept asking her what she meant (even when the answer was obvious).. my mind froze.

after that, i watched everyone else's group present with such ease.. i was kind of hoping someone else would struggle.. even though that sounds cruel.. it would have helped to know i wasnt the only one.. ofcourse though, that didnt happen.. everyong was so confident and i felt even worse.

 

[NightsAngel]

I had a moment similar to that as well.. I don't know if I went red or not, didn't really have time to tell.

A couple years ago, I had to give a speech in front of my class, and it was my very first speech that wasn't just 'read straight off the paper'. It was an 'you can only use an index card with a few key points to look at while you're presenting'. I was shaking so badly and I could clearly see the index card in my hand vibrating, so I kept trying to hide it behind the podium. I couldn't even get through my introduction without my head feeling like it would explode and just losing all trace of the speech I'd practiced so hard on.

I ended up running out of the classroom during my third stab at trying to get through my introduction. I spent some time in the hallway, just trying to get my breathing steady, and took a long drink of water before I walked back in, really embarrassed. The teacher was really nice about it, though, which I was grateful for.

I guess that time in the hallway helped to calm my nerves a bit, so I was able to get through the speech, but it's a complete blur now. It almost feels as if I never even gave the speech because my brain was on autopilot or something.

I have two more oral reports coming up soon (I'm a Senior in high school) and I'm dreading them x_x Heck, I start shaking like a leaf just watching other people give their speeches!

 

[bleach]

i relate well to what you're saying

i just got home from doing a group presentation
it was horrible
when i had to speak i could feel my face burning up, and then i started stumbling my words.. my hands were shaking (so much so that i put the paper i was reading from on the table, so no1 would notice).. then the teacher asked me a question and i couldnt respond.. i just kept asking her what she meant (even when the answer was obvious).. my mind froze.

after that, i watched everyone else's group present with such ease.. i was kind of hoping someone else would struggle.. even though that sounds cruel.. it would have helped to know i wasnt the only one.. ofcourse though, that didnt happen.. everyong was so confident and i felt even worse.

Yeah that is the worst. Especially when you can see people in the audience looking uncomfortable for the way you are talking. X(