Miann
New member
This is probably going to be the only time I post something on here, but I just am going to ramble. I will be surprised if anyone really fully reads this.
I just need to let my story out I haven't told a soul really about all the bullies I've met and had to be within the same classroom as.
It all started in the third grade, I'm about 18 now so that was years ago. My parents were both recovering crack addicts, I wasn't a crack baby, but still there was drug use. I have older siblings they were all in their late teens by the time I was going to kindergarten... I grew up in a nice house with lots of toys. But I never really had attention growing up, my mother was too busy freaking out since she was constantly relapsing, and my father was a full time drunk.
In third grade my depression had finally hit me full force, I grew fat. I was now obese, and everyone else in my class was not. All these kids whom I had played with since I was 5 and thin now turned on me, I was the ideal target for their hateful words. I was called ugly, fat, a pig and even oinked at every time I spoke. I felt like the world was rejecting me and that it was useless to even try any more. So my school work started going down, and soon I was placed in resource, for a learning disability that I never had, why was I put in there? Because the teachers didn't want to deal with me and my hard time of learning.
Fourth grade I met an evil teacher, I know how everyone goes on about how teachers aren't always that bad, well mine was. She called me stupid in front of the whole class quite a few times, and my parents whenever I told them never believed me, and by this point my drunken father was even yelling at me that I was a fat useless pile of ****. So I started my lying and stealing...
Why did I tell tales that were far fetched, and start stealing other kids things when I could? Attention most likely. But I did it, and soon I started getting sadder and sadder and then once I hit fifth grade, I already had my breasts and hips, I was a freak it felt like. Soon I made 'friends', some boys who played this game of ball tag, it was fun until one day, they tied me up with their sweaters wrapped around me, and started making animal noises at me. They called me names and started hitting me, I cried and cried but no one came to help me, some other kids near by laughed and then the bell rang, and they left me alone. I ran into the girls bathroom, my teacher came to fetch me and I was in trouble for running away from class.
Once I got to middle school it just got worse, I was crushing on boys whom when they found out made a huge deal of acting disgusted and then teasing me about how anyone could like a fat **** like me. No one engaged me in conversations and soon I started staying home from school everyday, I cried when I had to go, and my parents just ignored it they had their own 'issues' to deal with. I was called a rapist, because I had recently found out I was bisexual, and well I had a somewhat friend type person who I knew since birth, we experimented together and I found that I liked her A LOT. She told the school I rapped her.
Towards high school I started dropping some of the weight I went from 200, to 175. My acne got worse and the bullies got more ruthless, a lot of girls made fun of me when we had to dress down for gym, soon enough I was in the stalls changing, but some never let up. I would try to do the activities but my state of mind made everything all the harder, I never tried and my grades suffered.
And then I met them...The B building group... They always hung out behind B building and skipped classes, I thought they were the coolest ever and I wanted to join them so I did. How? Drugs, I hooked them up with drugs and did some with them and soon I was doing every drug under the sun, and I got addicted to meth. I was losing my weight FINALLY! And I had friends, until everything just got out of control. And then I landed myself in a heap of trouble for shop lifting, and then my parents finally noticed, I was broken. I was suffering.
And I was sent straight to rehab. I got better, but my weight went right back to 175. And already I have been sent to a mental hospital for cutting and a suicide attempt. I'm doing better now, and I finally typed out my story. My life and why I did the things I did, maybe I'm looking for forgiveness for all the bad things I did, all the times when I was doped up I hit my mother and screamed at her, or when my dad died and how we settled our differences, so I turned back to cutting and started carving shameful words into my skin.
This was my story, and I thank you for letting me type it. If anyone read it, thank you
At least someone knows that I exist. And I still get bullied, but I found hope in certain people, you find them out there. So if anyone is at the end of their rope just wait for the right day and time, you'll find an accepting soul out there, and thats all you'll need. You wont be lonely any more.
I just need to let my story out I haven't told a soul really about all the bullies I've met and had to be within the same classroom as.
It all started in the third grade, I'm about 18 now so that was years ago. My parents were both recovering crack addicts, I wasn't a crack baby, but still there was drug use. I have older siblings they were all in their late teens by the time I was going to kindergarten... I grew up in a nice house with lots of toys. But I never really had attention growing up, my mother was too busy freaking out since she was constantly relapsing, and my father was a full time drunk.
In third grade my depression had finally hit me full force, I grew fat. I was now obese, and everyone else in my class was not. All these kids whom I had played with since I was 5 and thin now turned on me, I was the ideal target for their hateful words. I was called ugly, fat, a pig and even oinked at every time I spoke. I felt like the world was rejecting me and that it was useless to even try any more. So my school work started going down, and soon I was placed in resource, for a learning disability that I never had, why was I put in there? Because the teachers didn't want to deal with me and my hard time of learning.
Fourth grade I met an evil teacher, I know how everyone goes on about how teachers aren't always that bad, well mine was. She called me stupid in front of the whole class quite a few times, and my parents whenever I told them never believed me, and by this point my drunken father was even yelling at me that I was a fat useless pile of ****. So I started my lying and stealing...
Why did I tell tales that were far fetched, and start stealing other kids things when I could? Attention most likely. But I did it, and soon I started getting sadder and sadder and then once I hit fifth grade, I already had my breasts and hips, I was a freak it felt like. Soon I made 'friends', some boys who played this game of ball tag, it was fun until one day, they tied me up with their sweaters wrapped around me, and started making animal noises at me. They called me names and started hitting me, I cried and cried but no one came to help me, some other kids near by laughed and then the bell rang, and they left me alone. I ran into the girls bathroom, my teacher came to fetch me and I was in trouble for running away from class.
Once I got to middle school it just got worse, I was crushing on boys whom when they found out made a huge deal of acting disgusted and then teasing me about how anyone could like a fat **** like me. No one engaged me in conversations and soon I started staying home from school everyday, I cried when I had to go, and my parents just ignored it they had their own 'issues' to deal with. I was called a rapist, because I had recently found out I was bisexual, and well I had a somewhat friend type person who I knew since birth, we experimented together and I found that I liked her A LOT. She told the school I rapped her.
Towards high school I started dropping some of the weight I went from 200, to 175. My acne got worse and the bullies got more ruthless, a lot of girls made fun of me when we had to dress down for gym, soon enough I was in the stalls changing, but some never let up. I would try to do the activities but my state of mind made everything all the harder, I never tried and my grades suffered.
And then I met them...The B building group... They always hung out behind B building and skipped classes, I thought they were the coolest ever and I wanted to join them so I did. How? Drugs, I hooked them up with drugs and did some with them and soon I was doing every drug under the sun, and I got addicted to meth. I was losing my weight FINALLY! And I had friends, until everything just got out of control. And then I landed myself in a heap of trouble for shop lifting, and then my parents finally noticed, I was broken. I was suffering.
And I was sent straight to rehab. I got better, but my weight went right back to 175. And already I have been sent to a mental hospital for cutting and a suicide attempt. I'm doing better now, and I finally typed out my story. My life and why I did the things I did, maybe I'm looking for forgiveness for all the bad things I did, all the times when I was doped up I hit my mother and screamed at her, or when my dad died and how we settled our differences, so I turned back to cutting and started carving shameful words into my skin.
This was my story, and I thank you for letting me type it. If anyone read it, thank you
At least someone knows that I exist. And I still get bullied, but I found hope in certain people, you find them out there. So if anyone is at the end of their rope just wait for the right day and time, you'll find an accepting soul out there, and thats all you'll need. You wont be lonely any more.
