Breaking the news to those you care about...

[afterforever]

Breaking the news to those you care about... (UPDATE)

For those of you who don't know me (I don't get to post here much), I'm a 20 year old male living in Canada who suffers from OCD along with near-dangerous levels of mysophobia (germaphobia). For the last several years, I have been able to hide my condition from the people I care about, or in the case of some people, hide certain aspects. I've used carefully concocted excuses, and downright clever lies to conceal my condition.

However, lately, my condition has gotten so bad that I know my days of hiding it are numbered. I need to break it to the people I care about most, and I'm absolutely terrified at the prospect of doing it. I'm paranoid that they'll try to help and only make things worse. But I know it's something I have to do.

Sure, we all have different things that set off our OCD, but at the end of the day, it's the same condition we're talking about. For that reason, I wanted to seek advice from the members of this board. How do you do it? How do you break the news to someone you care about, and tell them about the god-awful mental anguish you go through every day? How? Because right now, I don't know how. And as scared and ashamed as I am, I'd really like to know. Please help.

UPDATE: It took every ounce of courage in my body, but I told my girlfriend about it a week ago now. It was extremely difficult, and I would take extended breaks before continuing. I even cried a little bit just because it was so hard to tell her. But I did it. Now I just need to work up the courage to tell someone else.

 

[RedRibbons]

hmm..

You might want to prepare yourself for telling them. Like, if you're afraid of them trying to help and helping the wrong way. Have a plan on what you want to do in regard to help. Like going to a doctor or something. Let them know what your plans are.

Understand OCD and mysophobia so that you can explain and answer all the questions they might have.

It's hard to say really, how to tell someone. You gotta just do it your way. When I told my mom about my issues.. I just told her straight out how I feel and how it bothers me a lot, and how I want to seek professional help for it.

I don't know what kind of advice to give really.

 

[meatcake]

Maybe you could mention the show Monk if they know about it, as a way of introducing the topic? The humor of it might help break the tension. (If you're not familiar with it, it's about this clever detective who has OCD - it's pretty sympathetic about it, and funny at the same time).

 

[Dudley]

I too absolutely dread telling my family. My dad and my brother work night-shift so I never really get to see them, same thing with my friends, if anything their reaction would be "Oh yeah?" and then just tell me that I'm faking it or something. Then my mom would probably tell my aunts and grandparents (she can't help it, she tells everyone everything, whether it's private or not) and the last thing I want is for people to treat me differently.

I did however, tell my girlfriend and my two closest friends. With my girlfriend, she had asked me if anything was on my mind or if there was something I wasn't telling her. She seems alright with it, probably because she's superstitious and a perfectionist (not the same thing as OCD, but she at least understands).

The first friend I just kind of blurted it out. He seemed more curious than anything, asking me questions about what it's like and everything.

To tell the second friend, I said told him "I'm all hopped up on caffeine, that can't be good considering my state" to kind of bait him into asking me. He really doubted me at first, but I can understand his skepticism.

Even though I haven't talked to any of them about it since, it was still a huge relief to actually tell someone. You know your loved ones better than any of us do, so you probably know how they'll react, but people can surprise you.

Hope this helped. I'd like to know if you're successful in telling people

 

[getbornagain]

I've only told my parents and 2 people when I was hammered. Noone even thinks it's a big deal... They have no idea how crippling this shit can be.

 

[Boo32]

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum and think that it is a great place. It is nice to know that we have a place where we can vent and talk to each other. As Barry said, I think people can be supportive but don't actually understand what we go through. I am not embarrassed by my condition. Yes I hide it from most people, but it is a part of me that I cannot change, and I refuse to be embarrassed about who I am.
I don't think you should be afraid to tell your family you have it. I am quite happy I told my family I have OCD, and trust me, although they might not understand the condition, they can be a great support system. Don't look at them as being a detriment to your condition. I am a germaphone as well, and have been since I was a kid (the first thing I started compulsing about). I was diagnosed with OCD a long time ago, and my family just looks at it as another part about my personality. When I have moments where my OCD starts kicking in, I have used my family to help me and support me to help calm them down. For example, I have to check everything in the house is off and unplugged before I leave the house. The iron, toaster, coffee maker, etc. Even after I check these things (numerous times) I will still obsess over them. This is where your family/friends come in. I will ask one of my family members to check the things for me as well. That way if I start obsessing over them, they will let me know that they are all off.
So from that aspect, I think you should tell your family. I have told almost all of my girlfriends I have OCD, and to be honest, not one has thought I am a freak, strange, or whatever (at least not from the OCD haha). Everyone I have told is quite supportive. Of course, not everyone is like this, but I would say 99 percent are. My current girlfriend is one of the most supportive people I know about it. She doesn't judge me differently or think I am strange, and she believes that she is a little OCD as well (she does have some traits). But creating a support network is extremely important for us.
How do you tell your family? Make it quick and painless for yourself. Getting as much information about the condition before you talk to them is important. When my family found out, I was finding out, so they were learning about the condition at the same time. But knowing your enemy is important, and trust me, people have lots of questions about OCD. And I am sorry to say, they are going to be stupid questions that will most likely annoy you a little. "Well, why can't you not (Fill in the blank)?" But part of it is the understanding aspect. Make them understand they can't and won't understand. I think the stigma of OCD is lessening everyday. Famous people are openly admitting they have OCD, shows like Monk show that normal people have the condition, and statistics show that a huge majority of people suffer some sort of obsessions and compulsions. And never forget, we are unique. Our minds work differently, but I have heard that people with OCD are more creative and intelligent than people without. We have a different perspective than the rest, and because of that we are special, not freaks.
Good luck telling your family, and don't worry about them trying to help, you might realize that their help is much better than you thought it would be. They will most likely try to find ways to help you take care of your OCD instead of trying to help you in a way that will only make things worse. Let us know how it goes!

 

[getbornagain]

What I did was print off the wikipedia article on Purely Obsessional OCD (which is what I suffer from) and had my mom read it. She told me afterwards she couldn't believe I was dealing with shit like that.

 

[pandamonium77]

I'm completely hopeless when breaking news to people... I generally go in to the room, say something like "there's something i need to tell you", have a panic attack and walk away. They ask me later and i say "oh it wasn't important". I really need to tell my mom or something, because this is just hell for me. I'm also really afraid of telling someone because what if they think I'm making it up to get attention! Ugh

 

[afterforever]

I've added a small update to my original post.

 

[pandamonium77]

That's awesome! I just told my mom on friday and I'm going to see a therapist soon! ^^
Good luck with the other people