Body Language!

[Falkor]

Hello!

''Body language is the trick, feeling confident around people, Pretend ''beingcomfortable'' makes you feel ''comfortable'' around people?''

My body language isn't showing confidence, I blink alot, I don't know where tolook at, have a closed body language, have my legs crossed during aconversation, touch my hair a lot, seem nervous, afraid, anxious, and pretty much awkward, It's a big deal for me, in social situations.

So maybe we should get aware of acting relaxed around people, no tension, no fear, open body language, and very confident!

So my question for you is:
1.Do you also struggle with your body language? , or are you confident in social situations? (Lol, I think almost everybody with S.a feels the same)
2.Do you think working on this, will help a lot for you?
3.What would you change in your body language behaviour, to feel comfortable?

Xx

 

[Daz]

This is something I'm not good at.

I can't maintain eye contact with someone when having a conversation. I find myself looking away when my mind starts wandering and usually find the other person look in the same direction, which i find quite funny sometimes.

No matter how hard i try. So yes, this is something I think i need to work on. Eye contact and fidgeting while in a conversation, which usually leads to me losing track of the conversation.

 

[3lefts]

This is what I focus on in any social situation... maybe even too consciously?
1. My thoughts are usually really fast and it shows in my body language, being over cautious and sometimes jumpy. I think your thoughts have to be relaxed to help your body be relaxed. The only times I've been able to be tension free were when my mind reflected that feeling.
2. I think working on this helps tremendously
3. When I think about changing something in my demeanour I first think about what thoughts I'd have to change to do it. I would change my hesitation. Even if it meant people think I am slow, I'd rather it be so than becoming nervous about hesitating multiple times on the same topic....

 

[Hastings & Main]

Does help a lot, but it takes years of mental note-taking and learning to hit the problem when it happens.

I could never make eye-contact - it's like a tiny shock when it happens - but recently I've been learning to get over it.

Out on the street, as people come towards me, I stop staring at the ground (examine how you feel about other people who only look at the ground: what image does it give?) and look just over people's heads.
This way I know that they're not "all staring at me", and takes away the minor shock value. Remember, you're much more afraid hiding under the covers than after you actually check under the bed .
Gradually start to aim your eyes lower and check faces. Someone looks at you, look away - no one's going to die or anything. Keep it up, make practice. Move on & try it at work/school. When someone is talking to you, hold it as long as possible. People above you in authority (teachers, managers etc) see it as weakness or inattention if you keep looking away, so try it as much as possible.

See it as power. Make it a game. Mentally challenge the other to look away first, see if you win. Realize the benefits of appearances. I study the faces of people above me at work and their eyes are like lasers! Almost as much force is in their words as in the way they use their eyes.
There are tricks to it, which you will learn when you take the effort. After a while it will come as naturally (as fear drains away) as to those who are 'normal'. And you won't be cured in a day, or a week, or a month, but like driving or video games, you'll get better the longer you keep at it.
The only downside to not staring at the ground is not finding as much money. (I found $20 bills in two consecutive days once!)

As you start to conquer one problem, the others will fall in line since they are all related. Once you relax with one thing (like the eye-contact), you'll relax in other ways. Physically more at ease, you're in a better position to mellow out mentally and you won't be as anxiety-wired, so conversation will come more naturally (but will still need work).

Just keep mental notes on how you use your body and unfold those arms, lean against something so you stop shifting feet, look at the person's eyelids or bridge of their nose and tell yourself to chill out - it's only a person.
And if they don't like you, there's 7,000,000,000 more to choose from.

 

[kuze]

My body language is terrible, i can imagine how people percieve me. im at the point where i dont really want to interact with anyone, any correspondence is more an act of tedium. I grunt sometimes, I hardly look people in the eye, and to hide my fear I try to come off a bit aggressive. All these coping methods are horrible, I wish I could just be myself.