Body distortion at it's worst

[EscapeArtist]

I feel too lonely to try to improve at this point, but I hate myself too much to want to find friendship. I am finding it very difficult to live with myself... I'm bitter, and I feel heavy/fat, and it shouldn't be taking as much of a toll on me as it is. I know that if I lost weight, I'd be confident enough to expose myself, to throw myself out there, and I'd be confident enough to go running and feel free again, but I've given up on losing weight because I have nothing to look forward to in life except food at this point. A simple thing, like not being able to run, is killing me and i'm sure it's causing this horrible mood. I go outside to run, my legs want to run but i'm so self conscious of my weight I just turn around and go back home, but running is all I had to make me hopeful! This BDD has gotten so bad that I'm finding it hard to step outside the house, going to the supermarket is a shameful act that takes loads of courage, passing people on the street hurts a lot more than it used to. How can 15-20 pounds make me feel like the scum of the earth? I feel so vain and I hate myself for it... and the worst part is that i'm still gaining a lot of weight from comfort eating. I know that if I gain any more I will not be able to live with it. I'm becoming a stoner simply because I need a break from thinking of how my fat settles on my body when I walk around, feeling so weighed down while remembering that light feeling that i'm not able to obtain.. and hating myself sooo deeply... I find myself thinking violently, drowning.. or finding another way to hurt myself other than numbing it out. If I wasn't trying to go raw I'm positive i'd be venturing into alcoholism. And now I feel bad that i've wasted so much of who the hell ever is reading this to complain, in a mood that will hopefully pass... I don't know what to do right now i'm so terrified of tomorrow, of what i'll do when it's 30 pounds or 40 or 50, I don't think I'd let myself get to that point and I don't mean that in a good way.. god i'm ****ing vain. i feel ashamed to have wasted somebody's time with this, sorry

 

[coyote]

how about something you can do indoors - get a used stationary, rower, treadmill or something?

or something that doesn't need much equipment like this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P90X

 

[rodinski]

you got stairs?

run up and down them, lost me 30 pounds.

not enough? do push ups and situps just before you do 50 times up and down the stairs daily. Made me lose the next 30.

Hurting? Keep at it, your body will literally become immune to the pain.

Now in REALLY bad shape? i.e. you've sprained yourself. Stop. But if it is just cramps, lol, drink some milk and keep going at it. You don't have to change your diet at all. Wait till afterwards, and then talk to a dietitian.

Once you are "presentable" in your eyes, try doing 5km in 20 minutes. Now you a physically fit. I'm yet to see a fat person not be attractive after they lose weight. Good luck m8.

Expect outcome of 70 pounds will be lost in about 7-12 months without changing your diet. If you keep this up daily. Well, you only change your diet for water, and drink water when you are exercising. Let alone, I hear drinking water before each meal is a VERY good thing. At least an entire cup before you mow stuff down.

Now although it worked for me, I gained it all back within 5 months due to SSRIs/anti-psychotics. I've been fat the majority of my life, let alone, a lot of my "problems" diminished while doing the exercises. Also, key thing, music. Throw in some guitar hero too and actually rock out when no one is around.

CHEERS!

 

[coyote]

^also known as the "RODINSKI-90X" exercise plan

sounds good to me!

 

[EasySkanking]

Lol.

I don't know what to say.... Besides that I can relate... back when I used to go to the gym, I'd feel so self-conscious at time that I would just leave and not finish my workout :/. Since I stopped, I gained 10 pounds and got smaller lol... I'm going to start again next week, I spend my afternoons doing nothing anyway...

I'm pretty sure you know that you're overreacting.... I'm sorry to hear that, I know that it can be hard especially with SA. There are really fat people out there running and going to the gym and they're not a bit self-conscious.

Like coyote said, see if you can find something to do indoors... I started working out in my room and gained a good 20 pounds that way. Try weight-lifting (lunges, squats), some upperbody stuff (pushups, bicep-curls, tricep-extensions) and abdominal excercices (crunches, lying leg raises, bicycle crunches). You can do all of these excercices with a pair of adjustable-weight dumbells (around ~60 bucks for both). Trust me, you'll loose weight more rapidly by weight-lifting than running, because your metabolism is permantly and quickly increased. Some cardio (like running in place or up-stairs) is also recommended to lose weight quickly. Also, do this right after you wake up in the morning if you can (you'll lose 3x more fat that way). Eat 6 smaller meals a day in increase your metabolism. Cut back on the carbs.... You'll lose weight pretty fast like this

 

[lunarla]

I know where you're coming from to a certain extent. I really wish I could go outside and go for runs and just not care! I've tried and just not been able to feel comfortable with it at alllllllll. I went to a track and ran for 30 minutes evennnnn when there was barely anyone around, I still felt really self conscious.

For me, I feel way more anxious about exercising on my own out in the open for whatever reason. But the thought of taking some classes where everyone was there to exercise for common reasons is a bit more reassuring. I am signing up for some spinning/pilates/yoga classes. I hope that it's just a bunch of old ladies 'cause then I won't feel self conscious, ha.

Feel free to message me if you're ever feeling really low again. I'm very interested in health and fitness for one, but I can also relate a bit (as I'm sure most girls can) to feeling really lousy about your body/appearance.

 

[fitftw]

if you're not self-conscious about being fat, you'll be self-conscious about being in shape. Trust me, because I am. I'm constantly worried about losing my abs that I worked for, I feel that if a woman likes me, it's going to be because of my body and that sucks.

So the grass ain't greener on the other side.

 

[supaflyz]

Hey you know today I took a class. There was this one guy that presented himself infront of class. He also had the same problem as you. He went to get a weight loss surgery. The guy weigh 300 something pounds, and stands about 5 feet 8 inches tall. He only weigh about 150 now. I don't suggest u do that though. 15-20 pounds is not much.