Birthday's(depressing rant)

[iwanttogetbetter]

hmm whenever your birthday comes you start looking back the past year and what you have accomplished or lack of. i don't know i just feel so disappointed with myself seeing very little changes and not finishing goals i've set for myself because of the anxiety. I hate when the few friends(if any) and family i have want to celebrate this occasion. i hate the phone calls of people wishing me happy birthday because i can't bring myself to be happy around them .. what i feel right now is for no human contact what so ever and hope the day ends quick. i hate how im getting older and seeing people my age getting married having kids and moving forward, finishing degrees etc. Thats what i want but.......the anxiety always takes over my life. I hate trying so hard only to fail at the end. i'm alway wondering if i'll be ever be normal, have a family, have a career, finish a degree or will i always stay this way forever. Just the thought of living like this staying like this and not experiencing those things scares me..anyways i just hope this day ends....

 

[zlench]

Mines coming next month and I am not looking forward it because all I see is how much of my life I have wasted due SA and went I look at people my age it can kinda suck just not being able to live my life normally.

 

[Cal]

This might be a little off topic, but I think planning things for your own birthday really helps. I know being in the spotlight is a deadly combo with anxiety, especially if you're feeling terrible about not accomplishing anything, and getting older etc. I don't particularly like birthdays either.. so I just plan ahead and make sure I dedicate half the day doing activities I like... usually FAR away from all the people I know. Heh... the celebrations can wait til later on in the day. After all, it's just one day of the year right? You have 364 other days a year to beat yourself up over not accomplishing things.

Happy Birthday anyway, I hope you can get something positive out of today (besides it ending).

 

[Rodney]

BIRTHDAYS ARE THE WORST!!!! I hope your day goes by extremely fast and that no one asks you how your birthday was/what you did for it in the days to come for I and I'm sure 95% of the people on this site wish for the same thing on their birthday.

PS. mine is coming up in less than two months and I am already freaking out! It's the big B-day where I'll be able to go to the bars and clubs so I know I'm going to get asked if I went with my non-existent friends. XD ahhhhh what will I do!

Oh yeah happy birthday by the way.. w00t! w00t!

 

[Lorraine Manca]

You'd be surprised. A lot of people ignore their birthday. Its really normal not to celebrate it past your childhood. The marking of days and weeks and years, its all extremely arbitrary. Just think of your own experiences and you will know that time slows down and speeds up erratically. it fluctuates alot. the little ticking hand on the clock is just measuring ticks, its not measuring time. One minute can be an eternity and a year can be a couple of months. you know, you dont have to think of a birthday as counting down the years till your death, because the number doesnt mean much. I'm the same way, though. I always cry on my birthday. they're sad for me too. it reminds you you're different i guess, but its ok to be different. i hope you find comfort on your birthday and i wish you an emotionally stable birthday and a happy day after surviving it.

 

[Luke1993]

When I have a birthday I plan lots of stuff for me and my friends....then I realise I don't have any friends lol.....so I just end up drowning my sorrows with drink

 

[dream]

Um, hope you enjoy your day! I no what you mean, i haven't celebrated my dob with friends for a very long time another year getting older non the wiser I always cry on my dob too.

 

[LadyWench]

I know how you feel. There are some years where I really want to have fun on my birthday. I don't want to celebrate the fact that I'm alive and getting closer to death, but it's an excuse to get out and do something entertaining. It never happens, and I end up feeling depressed. THAT never fails.

On my birthday, I just look back (like you do) on things that I could have done, but didn't. I feel ashamed of myself, embarrassed and worthless.

Fun stuff.

 

[divethruhaze]

On my birthday, I just look back (like you do) on things that I could have done, but didn't. I feel ashamed of myself, embarrassed and worthless.

same for me...

 

[redski]

I feel just the same. I agree with everyones post.
The question is:
"Do all people feel like this even those without SA"?

 

[missmary]

Yes,
Birthdays are truly depressing, but only if you see it that way. I think people who are unhappy with their life tend to feel sad on their birthdays and those who are content either peacefully accept it or celebrate with friends and family. Maybe the reason why I feel so horrible on my birthday is because I have no one close to me to share it with, and maybe because I am the same as eleven years ago, depressed and anxious and dependent like a teenager. **sigh** Birthdays do suck. I always lock myself in my room when I grow a year older.

 

[iwanttogetbetter]

thank you everyone for the comments and supportive advice. It actually really brighten my day reading them. As for my birthday it wasn't so bad, i didn't celebrate like people my age but i did do stuff and did not spend it alone in my room hating myself. only 1 hour and 15 minutes left till its officially not my birthday. thank you everyone again. And i agree birthdays are something to look forward to for happy people because its the time of year where people in your life shows appreciation for you and make you feel special thats why it sucks for us so much. hopefully next year i'll be able to enjoy it with people important to me.