Today was the best day I've had with my SA in months! 
I had an important meeting at work today with some people I've never met before and I ACTUALLY spoke up - and smiled! lol might sound ridiculous but I have such a hard time just relaxing enough to smile when I'm at work. It was also the first time that I didn't basically run away from my co-workers when they initiated conversation. Also, I've been buying my morning coffee from the same girl at the same coffee shop for months and months and today, rather than pretending I don't know who she is so that I wouldn't have to face talking to her, I actually started up a conversation, and it turns out we have a strange number of things in common. I rode the subway home during rush hour (aka train was completely packed with no room to breathe) and I didn't start to panic at all, I was totally calm. Oh, and best of all - I tripped on the sidewalk on two separate occasions (...lol) and didn't feel completely mortified! That's EPIC for me.
Funny thing is, yesterday I posted about how my SA was worse than ever and I was so upset I didn't sleep at all, I was up all night crying. Somehow this morning it was like something finally snapped and I no longer had the energy to be constantly tense and fearful all day long. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, it doesn't even matter, after today I know my SA is not a lost cause, and I have hope.
I had an important meeting at work today with some people I've never met before and I ACTUALLY spoke up - and smiled! lol might sound ridiculous but I have such a hard time just relaxing enough to smile when I'm at work. It was also the first time that I didn't basically run away from my co-workers when they initiated conversation. Also, I've been buying my morning coffee from the same girl at the same coffee shop for months and months and today, rather than pretending I don't know who she is so that I wouldn't have to face talking to her, I actually started up a conversation, and it turns out we have a strange number of things in common. I rode the subway home during rush hour (aka train was completely packed with no room to breathe) and I didn't start to panic at all, I was totally calm. Oh, and best of all - I tripped on the sidewalk on two separate occasions (...lol) and didn't feel completely mortified!
That's EPIC for me.Funny thing is, yesterday I posted about how my SA was worse than ever and I was so upset I didn't sleep at all, I was up all night crying. Somehow this morning it was like something finally snapped and I no longer had the energy to be constantly tense and fearful all day long. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, it doesn't even matter, after today I know my SA is not a lost cause, and I have hope.
