Steppen-Wolf
Well-known member
because it just might come true.
For many years I wished to somehow find another human being that awoke any sort of emotion in me. I always tought that would be the key to motivating myself. I always knew what I had to do, but I need something external to really give me the drive to truly follow that path.
And in one way or another I found just that, but now I'm wondering if I really didn't knew what I wanted.
Like Pandora's Box, all those frustrations and feelings of loneliness seem to have resurfaced all at once after years of lying dormant. While before just being able to come home on the weekends and be alone felt like the highlight of my week, now it feels like torture... I can't stand being here, alone, with noone to talk to and remaining emotionally isolated. I want more, I need more and I deserve more... and there's nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that even with all the progress in my life I'm still nowhere near to being able to fullfill those needs for myself.
I wasn't ready for feeling like this, it will be yet another huge challenge for me to face on top of many others, but there's nothing I can do about it now. The genie is out of the bottle.
I'm not even angry or sad, just amused by the realisation of how emotionally broken can a human being become without even understanding it. That the simple fact of feeling a small ammount of emotional interest for another human being can denotate such a huge emotional crisis is hilarious beyond words.
Oh well, I've overcomed so many issues by myself (and there are so many more in the waiting list), so what's another one?
I doubt anyone on this forum choose to have this sort of issues, yet each and everyone of us must face them. They may be silly and even nonsensical in the grand scheme of things but they are the fights of our lives and noone will fight them for us.
In any case, sorry for the random ramblings... once again I just needed to calm my racing mind so I can hopefully go to sleep :
:.
For many years I wished to somehow find another human being that awoke any sort of emotion in me. I always tought that would be the key to motivating myself. I always knew what I had to do, but I need something external to really give me the drive to truly follow that path.
And in one way or another I found just that, but now I'm wondering if I really didn't knew what I wanted.
Like Pandora's Box, all those frustrations and feelings of loneliness seem to have resurfaced all at once after years of lying dormant. While before just being able to come home on the weekends and be alone felt like the highlight of my week, now it feels like torture... I can't stand being here, alone, with noone to talk to and remaining emotionally isolated. I want more, I need more and I deserve more... and there's nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that even with all the progress in my life I'm still nowhere near to being able to fullfill those needs for myself.
I wasn't ready for feeling like this, it will be yet another huge challenge for me to face on top of many others, but there's nothing I can do about it now. The genie is out of the bottle.
I'm not even angry or sad, just amused by the realisation of how emotionally broken can a human being become without even understanding it. That the simple fact of feeling a small ammount of emotional interest for another human being can denotate such a huge emotional crisis is hilarious beyond words.
Oh well, I've overcomed so many issues by myself (and there are so many more in the waiting list), so what's another one?
I doubt anyone on this forum choose to have this sort of issues, yet each and everyone of us must face them. They may be silly and even nonsensical in the grand scheme of things but they are the fights of our lives and noone will fight them for us.
In any case, sorry for the random ramblings... once again I just needed to calm my racing mind so I can hopefully go to sleep :
:.
