Bad times!

[Pink_Glitter]

...................

 

[kayelle]

Ick. I feel exactly the same. You should definitely rant on here pink! There are all these people there to help me who are worrying about me, and all I want them to do is just STOP worrying about me. And my boyfriend is there for me to talk to me and to support me, and I just don't want to talk about it, but I just want to stop feeling like this, and I want to have a relationship with my family and my boyfriend that doesn't involve them trying to help me all the time.
But I do want to get better, I just don't want to have these stupid negative emotions any more. I want to stop being depressed all the time, and just sitting in my room on my own all evening just spacing out and just being really negative.
I'm so emotionally tired and then on top of that, I still have to try and go to college every day, and I don't so I'm falling behind, and then I have exams coming up, and I supposed to be able to study for them, and I just feel so overwhelmed.
And I feel guilty and selfish for having people worry about and give up time and energy to help me. So I just cry all the time.

I know none of this will make you feel any better, sorry ::
And I just ranted too, sorry again.

I hate bad spells. It's like, those good few days are so brief, and then I spiral right back down to an even lower point. It's the depression that's really bothering me these days...anyways.

I hope you feel better soon pink_glitter :: Just try and be more open i suppose. I know that when I do talk to someone, I feel sooo much better. So I guess so start talking and let it all come tumbling out...

I'm sending you good thoughts!

 

[slimjim119]

No need to apologize. It's great there's a place like this where you can vent your feelings. Sorry your going through a tough time. Try not to bottle up all your emotions. Be open with the people who care about you, and you will feel alot better. Holding in all your emotions can be hazardous to your health.

 

[kayelle]

Aw! Everything you said made perfect sense to me too. Crying feels so good and yet I hate it, I hate being on the verge of tears ALL the time
That's exactly it, I feel bad for people worrying about me, but obviously they're going to worry about me! And the same with my boyfriend, (I accidently wrote boyfriends there first, lol ) I don't want to push him away by not talking about my problems, and I don't want to make everything about my agoraphobia and stuff either.

This sucks! I will become a super duper scientist and discover a miracle cure ::

Feel better ::

 

[Rise Against]

I know how you feel, just try to stay positive and things will eventually get better... just curious, have you ever tried any medication for your depression?

 

[Errordotocx]

And it's my own fault because people are willing to listen to me, but i just clam up, i don't want to put my crap onto someone elses shoulders,...

I kind of feel the same when it comes to me and my friends. They have said I should just it out there and talk about a problem I have even if it sounds like a lot of complaining. I have done some to talk with my friends about problems socializing such as sent them many links about extreme shyness and SAD as well as a link to this forum and my original first post. I know a couple of them skimmed over it and for the others i'm not sure if they even took the time to look. I did that mainly because I have tried to open up before to them about it but they just don't get it, and I don't blame them. It's one of those things where you have to experience it to understand it. They have suggested things and told me how to go certain ways about stuff and in theory it should work easily but when it comes down to the way I think it doesn't completely click with me just yet. Which like I said they don't understand why. They can't seem to understand why I just can't GO and do it.

Other than the fact that it's hard for people to understand or relate with at all. I tend to not talk with anyone about the problems because WHY should they have to deal with my problems as well as theirs. It would probably make me feel rather selfish if I was just to totally open up and dump all my problems on people. I also don't want people to feel sorry for me because I am this way...I really just don't want to burden people with my problems.

 

[Brokenx]

If you ever need to talk to someone you can message me for my msn or aim
i know how hard it is to speak to people close to you

 

[Brokenx]

Well if you ever need to talk don't hesitate to contact me and i will try support you in anyway i can you shouldn't feel lonely it's the worse feeling in the world especially when you're already feeling down.

 

[Errordotocx]

I'm always down to talk as well. But of course you already know this lool.


Which brings something else to mind. See, the funny/strange thing is that i'm always up for talking, chatting, listening or trying to help people out with their problems no matter how annoying or selfish it sounds coming from them. I really find it quite confusing sometimes. When my friends need to talk or get something off their mind i'm always there to listen...i'm just uncertain why I can't do the same to them. I probably really need to start talking my problems over with others, cause I usually don't discuss my problems with anyone anywhere at anytime at all and it just bottles up inside of me until I can't take it anymore and then one night in my room it finally hits breaking point and I burst into tears like some little bitch. Then things become a downward spiral for a few days but usually picks up after that. The last time this happened though was when I started posting back at the end of February here. It hasn't happened again because i've been being optimistic about nearly everything. Though there are those times where I can feel myself trying to re-enter the cycle and I keep fighting it because I know if I do re-enter it's just going to be another downward spiral.