AvPD Feels Like An Addiction.

[EscapeArtist]

My avPD feels like an addiction. The thought of cutting myself off from those I love gives me a sort of high, and then when the person is actually out of my life I grieve horribly and wonder why the hell I would go out of my way to get a great person out of my life. But then, even as I'm grieving I'm dancing to songs like "Goodbye Stranger" and practically fantasizing about leaving people and just going Solo, around the continent, befriending people and leaving them.

Just like Into The Wild, which is the movie that made me realize my addiction to leaving people, because what he does in that movie appeals to me GREATLY. Making friends as close as family and then just up and leaving, and traveling.

I would like to know if anybody knows WHY this is? I can't help it until I understand why I feel like this. It is seriously a high-like feeling when I think about pushing somebody else out of my life.

 

[Sial Axetder]

It's AvPD.
There's someone around here who has been PM'ing me about all this stuff and how to deal with it. Really, you must take control. Simple, right? No.

All thoughts of not wanting, avoiding. Avoidance.

Unfortunately I have not a shred of advice for the addiction you mention. This addiction, if I can safely call it that - I don't know, might make things difficult.

Maybe a feeling of their potential feelings when you are gone?
Maybe choose not to leave?

 

[Darryl]

Could the word "high" be replaced by "relief"?

When we come to the end of something that is intense, we have the rush of relief!!

Mr avoidance has told you to cut your friends off, thinking that you'll have one less thing to complicate your life and this decission is rewarded by "relief"

Regards Darryl

 

[missjesss]

I can sort of relate there...
i am in a situation with a guy that i am seeing and i keep pushing him away and being on and off now im not sure if its bcoz i dont love him or i have a tendancy to push ppl away now that start getting to close to me which i do also ... i am aware of this behaviour and am working on it i am currently trying not to avoid things now but i think the reason we push ppl away is bcoz we dont want to bring them down with this problem of ours its like we feel guilty and ashamed of it so we think we dont deserve anyone...

 

[Darryl]

bcoz we dont want to bring them down with this problem of ours its like we feel guilty and ashamed of it so we think we dont deserve anyone...

Hi missjess this quote is straight out ot the Avpd code of ethics.

Please don't take my comment wrong as I mean no harm only want to point it out and help show you to take a new approach to yourself..

These thoughts are driven by Avpd if you didn't have Avpd or the like you would feel guilty or ashamed.

Sorry for highjacking the thread EscapeArtist.

 

[Feathers]

Oops, double post, sorry..

 

[Feathers]

Escape Artist,
maybe you're just a born traveler?

I had to google that film... Into The Wild. It seems to depict the life of this guy: Christopher McCandless - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - some people found him 'brave' and inspiring, some alaskan people seems found him just 'foolish' (or possibly suicidal?) to go into the winter unprepared..

The idea of simple life appeals to me too, I think it's good to be prepared well.. And you need to experience it to see if you'd really like it or would just like the idea..

Also, that guy came from a family where parents quarrelled a lot too.. Mine did and do too.. So that may have something to do with it..

I'm really allergic to criticism or even just a tone of voice implying it.. (partly because of the whole hyperacusis/noise sensitivity too, depending on nutrition etc)

There are books on Amazon - and maybe in your library - on how to deal with criticism (both give it and take it) and about good communication and problem-solving techniques etc. that many people never learn... I've read some stuff about it, it's still not easy in RL..
Of course the easier thing is to leave, or at least it seems that way at the time.. With some people, language really sometimes doesn't seem to work.. and actually to respect your boundaries it may be a better option to leave the situation..

It's good to realize that not all people are like that, and that eventually you may meet cool people who are not like your parents... and that you DO have many options in a certain situation.. and that you can find other ways of communicating/reacting/problem-solving.. It's important to learn and explore these things though.. We didn't get that from our families, so we must unlearn and re-learn stuff or learn some things completely anew..

 

[Feathers]

you type the longest posts on here...lol i dont see how you do it. I always keep mine brief. I can't ever type that much coming from the heart. lol

ha ha.. I type quickly.. And sometimes it's difficult to say things quickly/shortly/to the point - I admire people who can do that and say a lot with few words!

I sometimes think through writing=explore what I feel/think/how I see things through writing.. It sometimes only crystallizes together after I have written it..

 

[Kato]

My avPD feels like an addiction.

I would like to know if anybody knows WHY this is?

I would have no idea. I only feel it as an affliction.

 

[EscapeArtist]

you type the longest posts on here...lol i dont see how you do it. I always keep mine brief. I can't ever type that much coming from the heart. lol

haha, I agree, and I love her long posts!

 

[EscapeArtist]

Could the word "high" be replaced by "relief"?

When we come to the end of something that is intense, we have the rush of relief!!

Mr avoidance has told you to cut your friends off, thinking that you'll have one less thing to complicate your life and this decission is rewarded by "relief"

Regards Darryl

Maybe this is it... relief...hmmmm... relief, for them, relief that I don't have somebody thinking about me, it gives me a feeling of independence... kind of like a feeling of freedom. hm this could be it.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Maybe this is it... relief...hmmmm... relief, for them, relief that I don't have somebody thinking about me, it gives me a feeling of independence... kind of like a feeling of freedom. hm this could be it.

See, Darryl's got this talent, I found, of turning on the light.

 

[Darryl]

Maybe this is it... relief...hmmmm... relief, for them, relief that I don't have somebody thinking about me, it gives me a feeling of independence... kind of like a feeling of freedom. hm this could be it.

I kinda ment it differently: I see the disorder becoming so strong in you because of how you THINK you are perceved.

With the only option to leave the situation which gives you relief.

This feeling of freedom is unfortunaly feeding the disorder like giving chocolate to a naughty boy if he stops crying, with the chocolate being freedom.

The disorder is using the sense of relief/freedom as a excuse when everything gets too hard to bail out.

Kind Regards Darryl

 

[EscapeArtist]

This is true, no I got what you mean. Thanks a ton.

I was also lying in bed last night thinking about it, and realized that I love having nothing to lose. I assume everything is something i'm going to lose eventually, once again because of low self esteem. When I feel like I have nothing to lose I feel like I can re-invent myself, because I didn't like who I was. But it is, still, a strong feeling of relief.

 

[vj288]

This is true, no I got what you mean. Thanks a ton.

I was also lying in bed last night thinking about it, and realized that I love having nothing to lose. I assume everything is something i'm going to lose eventually, once again because of low self esteem. When I feel like I have nothing to lose I feel like I can re-invent myself, because I didn't like who I was. But it is, still, a strong feeling of relief.

Well that sounds exactly like me, especially that last part. I don't if it's just me but do you see yourself as being a certain way and try to change all the things about you that isn't that person? I may be way off I don't know.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Well that sounds exactly like me, especially that last part. I don't if it's just me but do you see yourself as being a certain way and try to change all the things about you that isn't that person? I may be way off I don't know.

Wow no that's precisely how I am. I have this image in my head of who I WANT to be, (or more often, another person/people who are like what I want to be), and then who I am.. Who I am is a let down. I try and pretend I am that other person...Slowly changing the little things to be this perfect image of who I wish I could be, somebody who really isn't at all me. I'll never get there, of course, the person I wish I could be is unrealistic, but I still try to change every little thing I do to fit the description of that person. I can't be that person of course if somebody knows me though!! Or it's a huge reminder that I'm not! lol.

 

[vj288]

Wow no that's precisely how I am. I have this image in my head of who I WANT to be, (or more often, another person/people who are like what I want to be), and then who I am.. Who I am is a let down. I try and pretend I am that other person...Slowly changing the little things to be this perfect image of who I wish I could be, somebody who really isn't at all me. I'll never get there, of course, the person I wish I could be is unrealistic, but I still try to change every little thing I do to fit the description of that person. I can't be that person of course if somebody knows me though!! Or it's a huge reminder that I'm not! lol.

Right right right! If anyone knows who I was I can't be someone else, that's why I have trouble doing or saying anything that may "define" me. I think a lot of times that person I want to be can't exist, just because some things are out of my control and others contradict themselves. Impossible.